[SOFTNESS]
A lady and gentleman conversing together, the latter observed that he always slept in gloves, because it made his hands so soft. "Do you sleep in your hat, too?" the lady asked.
[AN EASY QUALIFICATION]
Residence in the parish is, of course, required of those who desire their banns to be proclaimed, and an expectant bride and bridegroom must qualify themselves by staying several nights in the parish where such banns are published.
"Do you sleep in the parish?" asked a rector of an intending benedict.
"Yes, sir, I have slept through several of your sermons," was the surprising answer.
[MISER'S CHARITY]
An illiterate person, who always volunteered to "go round with the hat," but was suspected of sparing his own pocket, overhearing once a hint to that effect, replied, "Other gentlemen puts down what they thinks proper, and so do I. Charity's a private concern, and what I give is nothing to nobody."
[ON TAKING A WIFE]
The great Sheridan, giving his son Tom a lecture, said, "You have been fooling about as a bachelor quite long enough. You ought to settle down and take a wife." Tom innocently asked, "Whose wife shall I take?"