Good Form for All Occasions / A Manual of Manners, Dress and Entertainment for Both Men and Women

by Florence Howe Hall

At a large reception, the coming and going of a constant stream of guests makes it necessary for the lady of the house to remain in her place or very near it throughout the afternoon. She usually stands in the drawing-room near enough to the entrance to be readily accessible, and yet far enough away to prevent the blocking of the doorway. A crowd would be apt to form there if the guests stopped at once to speak to the hostess. She should shake hands cordially with all. The débutante does the same, although she may, if she prefer, simply bow or courtesy to the gentlemen. She remains beside her mother throughout the afternoon, or certainly until all the guests have arrived. At a small tea the hostess feels at liberty to move about more freely. She may even enter the dining-room late in the afternoon, although she must be careful to return to her position should there be late-comers.

For a large and formal occasion in the city, a carpet for the sidewalk is provided, and usually an awning. A man is stationed at the curbstone to open the doors of the carriages and to give checks to the guests and the drivers or chauffeurs. A servant, usually a man, stands at the front door, opening it as soon as a guest appears. One or more maids are in the dressing-room ready to assist the ladies. If a great many guests are expected, there are checks for the coats. We have already said that a man-servant should be stationed just outside the door of the drawing-room, if the names are to be announced. In the dining-room two or more caterer’s assistants or expert waitresses will be needed to wait upon the guests.

The pouring of the tea is such a characteristic and pleasant feature of these occasions that it is seen often, although not always, at large and formal receptions. For smaller affairs the tea-table is indispensable. An assistant hostess usually presides at each end of the table, one pouring coffee, chocolate, or bouillon, the other tea. In summer cool beverages, such as lemonade, fruit-punch, or wine-cup, may be used; but where older people are present, tea, either iced or hot, is almost indispensable. Whatever the season of the year, if the day is cold and wet a warm drink should be provided. Sandwiches of many kinds, little cakes, bonbons, and salted nuts are the usual refreshments, to which ices are often added, and occasionally salads and oysters. The latter are more appropriate for a reception to which men are asked than to a tea.

The young friends of the débutante should keep a watchful eye on the guests to see that all are served. They themselves often act as amateur waitresses. It is very charming to see a young and pretty girl seated behind the tea-urn. Candor compels us to admit, however, that the quality of the beverage is more likely to be satisfactory when a person of some experience officiates. We do not forget that fair and blooming Hebe was the cup-bearer of the gods, and we are delighted to have her modern representative serve in that capacity. But why, oh why, was she removed to make room for Ganymede? In the absence of precise information, it is our opinion that she attempted not only to pour out, but to concoct, the nectar of Mount Olympus. Being young and giddy, she presumably gave honey to some gouty old deity to whom all sweets were forbidden, hence lost her position.

It is not a very difficult thing to make a good cup of tea, but it needs a little practice and undivided attention. Since most persons now like the beverage very weak, there should be a large supply of hot water, and this should be frequently replenished. Little wire contrivances can be purchased to take the place of the silver tea-ball; or a number of small bags may be made by tying up a few spoonfuls of the dry leaves in a piece of cheese-cloth. Boiling water is poured over the tea, or the latter is immersed for a moment in a cup which has just been filled with hot water. It should be withdrawn very quickly, in order to avoid the unpleasant and unwholesome taste produced by allowing the leaves to steep in the hot fluid.

For large and formal receptions, music of a rather subdued character is sometimes provided. A stringed orchestra of three or four pieces may be stationed in a convenient nook or corner, partially screened from view by tall plants in pots or other variety of greenery. This convention makes one smile, because the stout German musicians are plainly visible among the foliage, their spectacled faces and rotund figures contrasting curiously with the sylvan groves in which they are immured. Doubtless the arrangement conduces to their comfort, however, and protects them from the careless feet of passers-by. If a costumed band is employed, it is placed where it can be seen and admired. If there is to be dancing, the music is of a louder and more pronounced character. According to the fashion of the moment, there is such a beating of drums as would delight the heart of the simple savage in his forest wilds.

The floral decorations may be few and simple or elaborate and profuse, as the taste and means of the hostess dictate. At a reception for a débutante, the drawing-rooms may be filled to overflowing with bouquets and cut flowers sent by friends and admirers. It is now the fashion to greet the young girl in this charming way, strewing her path with fragrant blossoms, figuratively speaking. Many of these come, doubtless, from the family connections, but any friend or acquaintance is at liberty to send flowers in moderation. Obviously, it would not be in good taste for a young man who was only slightly acquainted with the débutante to order a very large and expensive bouquet for her coming-out reception. In a large city it is possible to engage the services of a florist for an hour or two, in order to arrange the floral gifts quickly and to the best advantage. Otherwise the family may be overwhelmed by the sudden avalanche of sweet blossoms, and the supply of vases available may give out early in the day.

For a formal reception in winter artificial light is ordinarily used, the shutters being closed or the shades drawn down. At an informal tea it is pleasant to have the daylight as long as it lasts; but one should turn on the electricity or the gas before the rooms begin to grow dim and gloomy. As the season advances and the days become longer, most people find it refreshing to let in the sunlight.

For a small and informal tea it suffices to have two maid-servants in attendance. The waitress removes the cups and spoons as soon as they have been used, brings in fresh supplies, and assists in passing tea and cake to the guests. The other woman opens the door, washes the tea-things in the butler’s pantry, and helps wherever she is needed. At a studio or an apartment house in the city, or in a quiet village in the country, the hostess and her friends sometimes attend to all these duties themselves. The dish-washing must, of course, be conducted in a separate room, or in case of necessity it may take place behind a screen. The young girls slip on big aprons for this task and make merry over it. Tea-biscuits, little fancy cakes, and bonbons are the refreshments usually provided. Sandwiches are very popular, but they are rather troublesome to make and expensive to buy because of the labor involved. A “curate’s assistant” is a convenient adjunct for a small tea. Cake, buns, muffins, and buttered toast may be passed on this little three-storied stand.

A reception for a débutante is often followed by a dinner or a supper for the young friends who have assisted her. Young men may be asked to this, and there will perhaps be an informal dance afterward. A supper is found by experience to be better than a dinner, because the consumption of sandwiches and other viands at the tea takes the edge off every one’s appetite.