on Thursday, November the eighth,
at half-past eight o’clock
Or the “At Home” form may be used. It is best not to say “silver-wedding,” as this might be thought an intimation that gifts would be acceptable. Indeed, some people are so anxious to avoid any appearance of soliciting presents that they give no intimation on the card of the nature of the occasion. Others add, “It is kindly requested that no gifts be sent.” Near relations and intimate friends usually feel privileged to send some suitable remembrance of the day, an article of silver for the writing-table or toilette-table perhaps, or any piece of silverware that they think will be acceptable. It is always proper to send flowers. If the reception is in the evening, the silver-wedding bride wears evening dress of any color that is becoming to her. Gray, lavender, or purple is appropriate. While white alone is not permissible, black-and-white may be worn; the bridal veil—if it be of lace—may be draped over the skirt or worn as a scarf. The gown may be partially cut down at the neck or full décolleté, the material being silk, brocade, velvet, or other stuff as preferred. The groom wears regulation evening dress with white or light kid gloves (see [Chapter VI]).
He and the bride stand together to receive the guests until all have arrived, when they move about the room talking with their friends. The tone of the occasion must not be too stiff and formal, but cordial yet dignified. According to some authorities, the decorations should be white, green, and silver. There may be few flowers or an abundance of them. If they are all white the result will be rather trying to matronly faces, and the effect a little incongruous. In celebrating an anniversary it is not wise to try to reproduce exactly the original occasion. This would tend to mark in a painful way the passage of time. Just as the bride of twenty-five years wears a matronly costume rather than a girlish dress that would bring into evidence the wrinkles and crow’s-feet, so the decorations and ceremonies of the silver-wedding must reflect the flight of the quarter of a century. The flowers of midsummer are more appropriate than those associated especially with early spring. Purple and white lilacs produce an excellent effect, as do roses not too pale in color, or orchids. Something will, of course, depend upon the season of the year.
It adds interest to the occasion if the clergyman who performed the marriage ceremony, the ushers, and bridesmaids can be present. The latter may stand near the host and hostess and assist them in receiving the company. The name “silver wedding” is something of a misnomer, because the celebration is concerned only with the events following the marriage. Thus, while the anniversary may reproduce in some degree the original reception or breakfast, to attempt to repeat any part of the ceremony would be in the worst possible taste, to say the least.
The collation is like that of any evening reception. There is usually a handsome wedding-cake, on which the date of the wedding and of the twenty-fifth anniversary, together with the initials of husband and wife, are inscribed. Silver leaves may form a part of its decoration. The bride cuts the first slice, as she did twenty-five years before. It adds to the fun of the occasion if the cake contains a ring. Where wine is served, it is usually champagne. The best man or some near friend or relative may give as a toast the health of the hero and heroine of the day, to which the husband should reply in a brief speech. There may be other toasts and speeches. According to modern fashion, these may be made without the accompaniment of wine. The sons and daughters of the house should act as assistant hosts and hostesses, moving about among the guests and extending a cordial welcome to all.
The arrangements for a golden-wedding fall naturally into the hands of a daughter or a son. Those of the younger generation must be careful not to behave as if they thought their parents too old and too infirm to attend to the matter personally. It requires great tact to assist those who are declining into the vale of years in such a way as not to depress or sadden them or hurt their feelings. The daughter should take pains to show that she is not trying to supersede her parents, but simply to act as their lieutenant. She may well think out beforehand her general line of action, and then lay it before her mother, consulting the latter as the household general-in-chief. She may casually remind her mother that, since the bride is spared all possible care and anxiety by her family, the same attitude toward her should be taken at the celebration of the fiftieth anniversary of the marriage.
There is often a reunion of the married couple and their descendants at a large family dinner. If it is desired to include the whole circle of friends in the celebration, this usually takes place in the daytime, since an evening affair might be too fatiguing for the elderly pair. Sometimes, however, a reception is held in the evening after the family dinner. A good deal must depend on the state of health of the bride and groom. Sons and daughters should remember that to greet and shake hands with many people is in itself fatiguing, especially to those who are no longer young. An afternoon reception is an appropriate way to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of a marriage. The invitations will be much like those of the silver-wedding, except that the lettering should be of gold, or black if preferred. They are usually engraved on a rather large white card. If an answer is desired, in one corner may be the statement, “Please send reply to Mrs. ——,” with the address of the daughter.
It is very easy to find suitable decorations, since almost any golden flower that is in season may be pressed into service. In the fall of the year nothing is more beautiful than goldenrod; autumn leaves also may be used. Black-eyed Susans have a very decorative effect, the yellow abutilon reminds the beholder of wedding-bells, and Marshal Niel roses are always lovely. Gifts of flowers may be tied with golden ribbon.
At a fiftieth marriage anniversary which the writer recently attended, a small reception-room leading from the drawing-room was almost filled with presents of golden hue, although many were not made wholly of the precious metal itself. Pictures in gilded frames, canary birds in cages of the prevailing color of the day, were cheerful gifts of moderate expense. A beautiful loving-cup of silver heavily gilded held the center of the table, and within was a purse of gold pieces—a number of friends combining to make this present. There were many other pieces of silver-gilt, and some of solid gold. The bride received a beautiful watch and chain, among other things; the groom a pencil and card-case of the precious metal.