There is no formal presentation, however. Only intimate friends are privileged to place the gift in the bride’s hands. For all others custom demands that it shall be sent—express prepaid, of course—to the house of her parents. The family and friends of the bridegroom conform to this rule, even when they are not personally acquainted with his fiancée. The groom occasionally receives a few gifts for his personal use, which are sent directly to him. The easiest, simplest, and best way of forwarding a wedding-present is to have it despatched from the store where it is purchased. In a large city the jeweler’s, silverware, and chinaware shops keep small envelopes and blank cards for use, in case the purchaser has omitted to bring her own visiting-card. On this the giver writes her name with a brief message, such as: “With the best wishes of ——,” “With love and best wishes,” or “Wishing you all possible happiness.” Married people use their joint card, “Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Curtis,” for this purpose. The salesman should be instructed to remove the price and to do the gift up in the daintiest manner, white ribbon being often employed. It is also wise for the sender to give him her address and ask to be notified of the due arrival of the gift. Since a receipt is now demanded by silversmiths and others, it would be an easy matter to give the purchaser this information, thereby saving anxiety to her and trouble to the bride’s family. The latter are often called up on the telephone by friends who have not at the moment received any acknowledgment of their present.
It is the pleasant duty of the bride to write promptly, thanking her friends cordially for the substantial expression of their good will. A charming young woman who was about to be married said to me, “I write at once on receiving a present; in this way I am sure to express the delight I feel at the moment.” It is quite possible to do this when the gifts begin to arrive. But as the time for the wedding draws near, a bride with a large circle of friends is sometimes overwhelmed by the great number of packages received in a single day. Those who send their presents within three or four days of the ceremony cannot expect to have them acknowledged speedily. If unable to write before her marriage, the bride should do so as soon afterward as possible. A careful record of all the gifts, with the names and addresses of the senders, should be made by some member of the family, as fast as they arrive. Bride-books come especially for the purpose, and will be found very convenient by those possessing a large circle of friends and acquaintances.
In acknowledging a wedding-present it is always well either to name the gift or to allude to it in some definite way, as for instance:
Your beautiful gift will not only make us think of you, but will mark the passage of the hours and so help us to cultivate punctuality.
Some persons imagine that an invitation to a wedding carries with it the obligation to make a present, and that those not asked give nothing. This is a mistake. It should rather be said that any one who is invited is at liberty, but not under any obligation, to send a gift. Relatives and intimate friends would do so, whether invited or not. Circumstances may make it imperative to have the ceremony performed very quietly and to omit the usual reception. It is true that many of those invited to the bride’s house send a gift, though by no means all. A young woman who has a large wedding will receive more presents than one who simply sends out announcement cards after the ceremony.
The family clergyman and physician are not expected to make gifts, for obvious reasons. Friends who are in mourning do so, even if unable to attend the wedding. The expense of the present should be in a certain proportion to the means of the giver. Those who are tempted to give something more expensive than they can afford should remember that it would be painful to a bride possessed of delicacy of feeling to think that she had overtaxed the generosity of a friend. If one cannot afford to spend much money, one should atone for it by giving plenty of thought to the selection of the gift. For this purpose it is well to consult some member of the family, or an intimate friend, about the bride’s tastes and wishes. A present that is carefully chosen to meet the needs of the recipient often gives more pleasure than a very expensive article selected at random. Business associates or those who are under obligations to either of the two families send gifts if they receive invitations.
The custom of displaying the presents on the day of the wedding has gone out of fashion in large cities. It is thought better to show them only to intimate friends, who are asked to call in an informal way shortly before the wedding-day. In country places the gifts are sometimes exhibited at the reception on the day of the marriage. They are usually set out in an up-stairs room, the cards of the givers being removed in order to prevent invidious comparisons.
The guests invited to a wedding may be few or many, as the bride’s family find convenient. If the ceremony is to take place at a large church, invitations are often sent to all those on the visiting-lists of the parents of both young people, as well as to the friends of the latter. Some gracious and thoughtful brides do not forget to send to certain persons not on their visiting-lists—humble friends who sincerely appreciate such a remembrance. If a young woman prefers to have only her relatives and near friends present at her marriage, she will probably please her fiancé, for men usually dislike very much the parade and show of a large wedding. Where only a limited circle are invited to attend the ceremony, general invitations are sometimes sent out for the reception following it. This arrangement can be made for either a home or a church wedding. The bride’s mother must be careful, however, not to overcrowd her rooms. In summer a country house may be readily enlarged by closing in the piazzas, or a large tent may be placed on the lawn. When the whole circle of friends and acquaintances have been invited to the church, there will be no cause for complaint if only relatives and intimate friends are asked to the reception.
Wedding invitations should be engraved on plain, heavy white paper of the best quality. The family crest in white is sometimes embossed on this. The envelopes match the paper and are without device or ornament. The following is a proper form:
Mr. and Mrs. Amos Litchfield