If the bride and groom are to kneel down, it is well to provide hassocks for the purpose. The bridesmaids and ushers remain standing, however. Something of a sensation was caused at a recent fashionable wedding in Boston when an emotional young man knelt down, to the consternation of his fellows. The other ushers were obliged to follow suit, the twelve going down upon their knees in a semicircle. The father of the bride remains standing a little behind the young couple, until the clergyman asks who gives her away. He then steps forward and places her right hand in that of the clergyman, who in turn puts it in the groom’s right hand. This is in accordance with the ritual of the Episcopal Church. Sometimes the father intimates his consent merely by bowing, but the first mentioned is the better way. His part in the ceremony now being at an end, he retires to the pew where his wife is sitting. If the bride’s father is not living, her oldest brother or nearest male relative gives her away. A widowed mother sometimes performs this office.
Guests should come to the church in good season, so that they may be settled quietly in their places before the arrival of the bridal party. To come at the last moment is not according to good form. At the conclusion of the ceremony they should remain in the pews until the wedding procession and the near relations have passed out. Those who have received invitations to the reception then go to the house of the bride’s parents. It is well not to hasten there too rapidly, however, as the bridal party will need a few moments to arrange themselves. As the bride’s mother is the hostess of the occasion, she and the father may stand near the door of the drawing-room so as to greet the guests as they enter. Strangers ask the ushers to present them. All then pass on to the end of the apartment, where the bride and groom stand together, the bridesmaids being on the right of the former; or they may be divided in the same way as at the church, half on either side of the young couple. The groom’s parents stand near by. The other guests should be presented to them.
The bride greets all cordially, shaking hands with them and presenting to her husband those with whom he is not acquainted. Only near relations and intimate friends are privileged to kiss the bride. At a large wedding reception there is not time to say much to the newly married couple, as the line passes on rapidly. Where there is only a friendly acquaintance, it suffices to say, “I wish you every possible happiness,” or something of the sort. If the presents are on exhibition, the guests go up-stairs to see them and then pass on into the dining-room. This method of having the company go forward in line should be adopted where many people are present. It is quicker than the old custom, in accordance with which the best man and ushers escorted the guests up to the bride and groom and the parents. These young men are always on hand, however, acting as masters of ceremony. They introduce strangers to the bride and groom and ask people to go into the dining-room. There they wait upon the ladies who are without escort. The collation is served from a large central table in the dining-room. Some caterers arrange a buffet at the side, thus taking up less space. For a large reception the bill of fare would comprise bouillon, salads, croquettes, oysters in their season, ices, little cakes, and coffee. Birds and other delicacies are sometimes added. If wine is served it is usually champagne. For a wedding in the country the menu may be much simpler, chicken salad, sandwiches, ice-cream, and coffee, for instance. Indeed, it is perfectly proper, where only a few friends are invited, to offer cake and wine alone.
The bride and groom remain in their places until all the guests have had an opportunity to greet them. This means that they will stay there during the greater part of the reception, if many persons are present. Where the wedding is not a large one they repair to the dining-room, or refreshments may be brought to them in the drawing-room. In the former case the best man or some near friend proposes their health, all honoring the toast by standing, glass in hand, and taking at least a sip of the wine. The bride remains during an hour or more of the reception, and then withdraws to assume her traveling-dress. A sister, the maid of honor, or one or more of the bridesmaids help her to do this, while the mother comes in before her daughter is ready to leave the room. The last good-by is, of course, for this dear parent. The maid of honor and the best man do what they can to facilitate the escape of the young couple from the friends who are waiting in the front hall to bombard them with rice, confetti, or flowers. This method of saluting the bride and groom is so well established that it seems best to accept it philosophically and good-naturedly. Some young men are not satisfied with rice or confetti throwing, but indulge in a rowdyism of behavior that cannot be too strongly condemned. The bride creates a diversion by dropping her bouquet from the elevator or the top of the stairs. Her young women friends scramble for it, the person who catches it being sure to marry within the year, according to the old superstition.
Where the marriage takes place at noon, a wedding breakfast may be arranged for the bridal party alone, or for as many guests as the house will hold comfortably. In the warm season the veranda and lawns of a country house are also utilized. The breakfast may be served “en buffet” as at a reception, or the company may be seated at one or more tables, in accordance with the number present. The latter is the more elegant method, but requires more service. If many persons are invited, there is usually a large central table ornamented with white flowers for the bridal party, with smaller ones for the rest of the company. When the collation is ready the groom gives his arm to the bride and leads the way to the dining-room, followed by the bride’s father with the groom’s mother, the groom’s father with the bride’s mother, the best man with the maid of honor or first bridesmaid, and the other bridesmaids, each being escorted by an usher. Sometimes the clergyman who performs the marriage ceremony takes in the bride’s mother, allowing the others to precede them as a hostess would at a dinner. In this case the groom’s father takes in the bride’s aunt or some other member of her family. The newly married couple sit side by side at the head of the table, the bride’s mother sitting at the foot, between the groom’s father and the clergyman.
According to another arrangement, the bride’s father with the groom’s mother sits beside his daughter, the bride’s mother with the groom’s father coming next to the bridegroom. Half the bridesmaids and ushers sit on each side of the table. If the newly married couple sit in the middle of one side instead of at the head, the bridesmaids and ushers are placed opposite to them. Should the size of the table permit and the bride’s mother so desire, other relatives or friends may be placed there. Indeed, at a small breakfast all the guests are seated at one table. In this case it is well to have place-cards. At a large wedding the guests not belonging to the bridal party follow the latter into the dining-room, entering without formality. Sometimes the small tables are arranged in the adjoining rooms and in the hall. No place-cards are used for these.
The breakfast is served in courses, ending with after-dinner coffee; it is usually accompanied by champagne. It is according to old tradition to have the bride cut the cake; but she does nothing more than to insert the knife, the attendants dividing it into slices and handing these about. The most sensible way of distributing the cake is to have it packed in boxes beforehand by the caterer. These are arranged on a table in the front hall, a servant handing a box to each person as he leaves. At the close of the repast, the health of the bride and groom is proposed by the best man, by the father of the groom, or by an old family friend. The father of the bride or the bridegroom himself sometimes responds. If any speeches are to be made, the speakers should be notified beforehand. At the conclusion of these or of the toasts the bride retires to put on her traveling-dress.
Where the two families who are about to be united by marriage live at a distance from each other, the bride’s parents should invite the groom’s father and mother or other near relatives to stay with them. Should it not be convenient to exercise this personal hospitality, they should engage rooms at a hotel for these out-of-town guests. In the country or in a suburban town the bride’s aunts, cousins, and near friends throw open their houses and entertain as many of the wedding-party as they can. For the remainder, accommodations are secured at the local inn or at a boarding-house. All this should be definitely arranged beforehand. Each lady who has kindly consented to act as a hostess should write a personal note of invitation to the guests allotted to her, asking them to stay at her house or apartment. She should inquire at what time they will arrive, and should go to meet the ladies, or send some one to do so, on their arrival at the station. If she possesses an automobile or a carriage or can borrow one, she will go in that. It is courteous to send a conveyance to meet the gentlemen also; but it is not necessary, as men can usually take care of themselves. The bride’s parents thus exercise a vicarious hospitality, in addition to doing what they can personally to make the visitors welcome. They will, if possible, invite the friends from a distance to their house on the day preceding the marriage. The entertainment may take the form of a dinner, or the guests may be asked to come in the evening very informally. The bride’s family should greet them all with much cordiality. Simple refreshments such as lemonade, coffee, or ice-cream with cake may be served. The presents may be on view in a room up-stairs.
The bride’s parents do not pay the hotel bills of friends and relatives coming to the wedding from a distance, unless they have invited the latter to come as their guests. They may assume this expense if they please, but it is in no way obligatory for them to do so. When a wedding takes place in the neighborhood of a large city and many of the guests come by train, the bride’s family should make sure that there are conveyances at the station to bring to the house or church persons who cannot well walk. If the weather is good, and the street-cars pass conveniently near, only a few carriages may be needed. If the bride’s father is a man of means, he will engage vehicles of some sort to meet the train and transport all the guests at his expense. Special cars or special trains are sometimes provided for out-of-town weddings. In this case persons receiving invitations should respond promptly and definitely, in order that the host may know what railroad and other accommodations will be necessary.