Good Form for All Occasions / A Manual of Manners, Dress and Entertainment for Both Men and Women

by Florence Howe Hall

While modern standards of taste do not demand such a number of courses as were formerly provided, it is essential that the dishes should be good of their kind, and that the supply should be large enough to meet all reasonable requirements. It is certainly desirable to have the service rapid, but guests should have a little patience, for all cannot be served at once. To bribe the waiters at an occasion of this sort is “bad form,” since it is unfair to the other guests and may result in utter demoralization of the service. Some people eat their dinner before they leave home, attending the public function only for its social side and for the pleasure of hearing the speeches. With regard to feeing the waiters at a public dinner, it should be said that at a first-class hotel the management allows no intimations or hints to be made on this subject. Each guest does as he sees fit in the matter—the feeing is optional and personal, not collective. The placing of a plate on the table and thus holding up the diners is sometimes seen in out-of-town places, but is contrary to good form. It may be said that at large public dinners in New York about half the men fee the waiters. Wine is not included in the menu on these occasions. Those who order it do so at their own expense, and usually give a tip. Twenty-five cents is expected for a bottle of champagne, ten or fifteen cents for white wine or claret.

In order to insure good results, the committee of arrangements should, after consultation with their caterer, fix a certain day or hour after which they will refuse to receive subscriptions. The temptation to admit additional guests at the last moment should be firmly resisted. In New York City, hotels usually refuse to arrange for the seating of additional guests after three o’clock of the day of the banquet. In country places it is necessary to give much longer notice. At the luncheons of the State Federations of Women’s Clubs great discomfort ensues when the delegates do not conform to the rules, but arrive in large numbers without giving the required notice to the entertainment committee. If the place of meeting is in some quiet country town, the latter find it difficult or impossible to procure additional supplies of food, yet they dislike very much to send the visitors away hungry. The result is often delay, confusion, and dissatisfaction. If a public dinner is held in a place of this sort, where no good caterer is available, some local organization of women—those belonging to a certain church or league—may be asked to furnish the entertainment. If they are capable persons and have had some experience in work of this sort, the result will be satisfactory. A simpler bill of fare would, in this instance, replace the more elaborate provisions of the professional caterer.

Small tables seating from six to ten guests are now preferred to the long ones formerly in vogue. Eight is the number usually selected. The table for the speakers and guests of honor is placed on a platform in the middle of one end of the room. It is handsomely decorated and has seats on three sides only, the fourth being left vacant, so that the speakers can see and be seen. The president or chairman sits in the middle, the most distinguished guest on his right, the person of next consideration on his left. If both men and women are at the table, their seats should, so far as possible, alternate. A name-card is set at each place, together with the bill of fare, engraved or nicely printed. When the guests are assigned to small numbered tables, place-cards are not used, but each guest is furnished with a menu.

The committee of arrangements should provide one or more cloak-rooms, with attendants to check the various articles of clothing. If ladies are invited, there should be a special dressing and cloak room for their use, also an awning and carpet at the entrance if the weather is bad. A man will be needed to help the ladies from their carriages and to call these at the close of the entertainment.

Members of the floor or reception committee, wearing their badges, should be on hand to direct the guests and to prevent as far as possible congestion in the hallways; or employees of the hotel may be stationed in the corridors for this purpose. The dinner is usually preceded by an informal reception of half or three-quarters of an hour, in order to give all an opportunity to meet the chief guests or chief speaker. It is held in one of the parlors of the establishment, the president of the organization, the chairman of the dinner committee, or the toastmaster standing with the chief guest at the head of the room. It is the duty of the members of the reception committee to see that all are presented to this distinguished couple. They move about the rooms, capturing and bringing up those guests who have not yet spoken to the hosts of the evening. They inquire the names of men with whom they are not personally acquainted and introduce them to the president, who shakes hands and in turn presents them to the guest of honor.

At the receptions of women’s clubs there is often a receiving-line consisting of the officers of the body, and sometimes one or more distinguished guests. The club members and their friends go up and shake hands with the president, who introduces them to the guest of honor. It is not necessary to speak to all in the receiving-party, unless one is personally acquainted with them. Where many persons are present they usually go up in line. A member of the floor committee may introduce them to the hostess of the evening. If there is no one to perform this office for her, a guest should pronounce her own name. It is the custom in some clubs to receive merely with a gracious bow or courtesy, the president shaking hands only with her personal friends. In this case a guest who does not know any of the ladies makes a low bow to include them all, and passes on.

When there is no regular reception, the company gather in the drawing-rooms and chat together until the doors are opened into the dining-room. The president and chief guest go first, the other guests of honor follow, each escorted by a member of the reception committee. The remainder of the company do not form in line, but enter as they find convenient. At certain clubs—the National Arts of New York, for instance—the gentlemen give their arms to the ladies, as they would at a dinner in a private house. Members of the society should inform their guests beforehand of this custom. If a gentleman has two ladies under his care, and is unable to find an escort for either of them, he should offer his arm to the elder, the younger walking beside her. Occasionally it is arranged at a public dinner to have all go directly from the dressing-rooms to the dining-hall. This saves the rent of parlors; but it is much better to have a reception of some sort precede the banquet.

There are several ways of letting people know where their places are. Sometimes the number of the table is printed on the ticket, and on entering the dining-room it is only necessary to hunt up the corresponding numerals. These are painted conspicuously on large cards standing on the various tables. It is a better, though more expensive, plan to print on large sheets of paper the list of guests, arranged alphabetically, and the number of the table at which each person is to sit. These are distributed to everybody. Unfortunately, at the conventions of some associations the members do not decide to attend the dinner until such a late hour of the day that the unlucky committee of arrangements are obliged to spend the afternoon planning where all are to sit. A few lists hastily printed are fastened up in the assembly-room, and around these the men gather in flocks to try to ascertain where their seats are. If these are in a remote part of the hall, the guest should make no comment, but should accept the arrangements made for him without complaint. The courteous man does so, while the discourteous one grumbles and perhaps tries to have his seat changed. I am sorry to say that some persons who ought to know better think that it is “smart” to rush in ahead of others, and to seize a place that belongs of right to some one else. The man who thus trespasses on the laws of good-breeding shows that he is not smart, but only imperfectly civilized. If every one followed his example there would be an end to law and order, and we should return to barbarism. Since it is usual for all to leave their tables and draw near to the speakers at the conclusion of the banquet, a distant seat is not necessarily a serious drawback to one’s enjoyment.

At a public dinner the tickets may or may not be taken up. Sometimes there is a man in livery at the door of the dining-room who performs this office, sometimes each waiter collects them from the diners at the table where he is stationed. When the plan of printing a sheet containing the names of all the subscribers is followed, and no one is assigned a seat after this list goes to press, it is not really necessary to take up the tickets. If any one has forgotten to pay, the committee can easily send him a bill. Where the tickets are collected, it suffices for a man who has forgotten his to give his visiting-card. At men’s dinners no tickets are demanded from guests. Those invited by the association are seated at the speaker’s or other special table, and paid for by the society. Those asked by private members are paid for by the latter. A gentleman who engages a table for himself and his friends is held responsible for it.

The society giving the banquet is held responsible for the whole number of persons actually present at the dinner. Hence a careful count of them must be made. After taking up the tickets at the different tables, the waiters report to the captain of the floor. This functionary informs the chairman of the dinner committee of the result of the count about the time when the third course is put on. It is now the duty of the chairman to see that the number has been correctly estimated. He leaves his seat, goes about the room and into the gallery if he pleases, counting the diners. Since all the tables seat the same number of persons, usually eight, this is not so difficult as it might appear. It takes some time, however, to count several hundred people, especially as it must be done a second time if the reckoning of the chairman does not agree with that of the captain of the floor. When this officer of the association acts as toastmaster also, as often happens, he has no time to eat any dinner, and a supper is served to him afterward.