The question may be asked, “Should public dinners be opened with grace?” They often are, but the custom is by no means universal. If a clergyman is at the speaker’s table, he will be requested to ask a blessing. A guest of distinction is occasionally invited to do so, sometimes to his great surprise. It is always possible to use the silent grace of the Quakers or Friends. The usual form is, “For what we are about to receive make us truly thankful,” etc. Those who find themselves seated at table with people whom they do not know should remember that it is always courteous to say a few words to one’s next-door neighbors, even if they are strangers. They may prove to be very agreeable people.
The president of the association, or the chairman of the committee in charge, calls the company to order at the end of the dinner. He makes a short address himself, and then introduces the speakers in turn, with a few words of compliment or explanation. A good toastmaster must have a voice clear and strong enough to be heard all over the room. He should also be witty, gracious, and tactful. If the president is not well qualified for this office, the vice-president or some other person should be asked to make the introductions. It is sometimes arranged to have the speakers begin while the dinner is still in progress. The rattling of the plates, as the servants remove and replace them, creates so much disturbance that this plan should be adopted only where the service has been delayed and the hour is growing late. Occasionally we hear of a dinner where all speech-making has been omitted, or replaced by “Voiceless Speech.” Dancing now tends to crowd out all other forms of amusement at entertainments of all sorts.
The regulation wear for a public, as for a private, dinner is evening dress. At a political banquet, however, a variety of costumes may be seen, some men coming in business suits, either because they find this more convenient or because they do not possess a dress-suit. A man who is a faithful adherent of his party may feel it to be his duty and his pleasure to attend its festivities. At a stag dinner a dinner-jacket with black waistcoat, black trousers and tie may be worn. Many women wear low-necked and short-sleeved gowns. Others dislike doing so on such a public occasion. They wear handsome costumes of silk, satin, velvet, brocade, chiffon, or other dressy material, slightly cut down at the neck and with elbow-sleeves. The French call this “demi-toilette,” signifying that it is a half-way stage between every-day and full dress. For a public reception in the evening, the dress is much the same as at a dinner. Most women wear no hats, but some appear in light-colored, dressy bonnets.
As a public dinner often lasts very late, many persons slip quietly out between the speeches, taking leave only of those sitting next them. It is discourteous to go out in the middle of an address. If one should meet a member of the reception committee, one would naturally express pleasure in the evening’s entertainment. Guests at the speaker’s table would take leave of the presiding officer, if seated near him. The general body of diners do not think it necessary to take leave, since every man has paid for his own ticket, and so is in a sense his own host.
If anybody has any cause of complaint, it is best to say nothing about it at the time, but to speak or write afterward to the head of the proper committee. One should begin by praising the entertainment as a whole, and then suggest in a courteous way that such and such a matter might perhaps be arranged differently on the occasion of the next banquet.
VIII
BALLS AND DANCES
Dinner and Subscription Dances—Roof-garden Dances—Reciprocal Duties of the Chaperon and Her Charge—How to Enter and How to Leave a Ballroom—Objectionable Styles of Dancing—The Stag Line and the Dance Programme—The Hostess and Her Assistants—The Host—Introductions at Public and at Private Dances—Duties of Floor Committee—Supper Etiquette—Dress for Young Girls and Married Women—Dress for Men.
ACCORDING to the rules of good society, her mother, or some other chaperon of good position and suitable age, should always accompany a young girl when she goes to a ball or other dance in the evening. If this rule were always enforced as it should be, we should not hear of the escapades which some thoughtless young women have indulged in of late years. The swinging back of the pendulum, which is sure to follow an excess in one direction, will doubtless result before long in a stricter chaperonage. Suffice it to say that at present, while a matron is expected to go with her charge to public balls and dances and on many other occasions, at subscription affairs and at those in private houses she often does not do so. It must not be supposed that the young women go alone or under masculine escort. This would be contrary to good form. In the absence of the mother a lady’s-maid accompanies the daughter, waits for her until the dance is over, and returns in the carriage with her. The girls are not wholly without chaperons, as the patronesses act in this capacity. It must be remembered also that these subscription dances are in a sense private affairs, although held in assembly-rooms. The patronesses make out a list of eligible persons whom they ask to subscribe, and permit no one else to do so. Certain assemblies are arranged upon another plan, the patronesses each subscribing for twelve tickets, and then inviting six men and five girls to be their guests. They often ask these young ladies to dine with them on the evening of the dance, or the girls may take dinner with friends and all go on together.
The case is very different with the afternoon and evening dances which have sprung up in such great numbers since the advent of the tango craze. Since anybody is admitted who pays the entrance fee, these are public affairs, and not private in any sense of the word. The so-called chaperon who at some places acts as mistress of ceremonies is supposed to pass judgment on the applicants for admission; but evidently it would not be possible for her to exercise this right of judgment except in the most superficial way. To a dance of this sort no young woman should think of going without a personal chaperon. In a city like New York we should strongly advise her to attend only afternoon affairs, and to remain an onlooker. In a smaller place where every one knows everybody else, and all are acquainted with the person getting up the dance, the case would be different. At a public dance the chaperon should not permit any introductions to be made to the young girl under her charge by persons unknown to her, and she most certainly should not allow the latter to dance with strangers. The mistress of ceremonies makes introductions where they are desired, but to form acquaintances in a public resort of this kind is not according to good form, and might indeed be very unsafe. Strangers coming to New York, or any other large city, should make careful inquiries before going to roof-gardens or other places of entertainment where there is dancing, for while some of these are entirely respectable, others are not.