Good Form for All Occasions / A Manual of Manners, Dress and Entertainment for Both Men and Women

by Florence Howe Hall

We have said that at a private or subscription dance a girl often does not have a personal chaperon, the patronesses assuming the duties of the latter in a general way. When a matron does accompany a young woman, it is the duty of the former to promote the pleasure of her young charge, to prevent her from forming undesirable acquaintances and from making herself too conspicuous. For all these reasons she needs to keep a watchful eye on her daughter or other young friend. If the girl wanders off into the gallery in the company of some agreeable young man, mamma must go or send after them and bid them return to the floor of the ballroom. A patroness would do this in the case of an unchaperoned girl. If a girl shows too marked a partiality for any individual, the mother who is a clever woman of the world manages to break up the tête-à-tête.

She would do the same thing should a man of whom she disapproved be introduced to her daughter. Formerly a chaperon worthy of the name sat still and served as an island of refuge to the young woman under her care. The latter returned to her protecting wing to rest between the numbers of the programme, or when she had no partner for supper or dance. Whenever opportunity offered, the chaperon introduced young men to her charge. It must be confessed that the modern conditions of the ballroom restrict the beneficent activity of the matron on many occasions. In the first place, she finds it much harder to sit still. No one under the age of Methuselah is immune from the present craze for dancing. At the Charity Ball in New York this year the boxes were deserted, old as well as young capering about on the light fantastic toe. In the second place, the new custom of almost continuous dancing leaves few or no intervals for rest. Hence a girl cannot return to her chaperon so frequently as under the old régime.

Youth is apt to be selfish, often through thoughtlessness. The young woman who is having a delightful evening must not forget that the hours will pass much more slowly for her chaperon. Even if the latter dances herself, she will not be able to continue it so long as those of the younger generation. A girl must have some consideration for her mother and not keep her up until an unconscionably late hour. If mamma sends word to her daughter that it is time to go home, the latter should come without unnecessary delay. The girl should return to her mother’s side from time to time as opportunity offers, especially if the latter knows few people and is having a dull evening. She will, of course, always allow the older lady to precede her, and will introduce her young friends to her chaperon as occasion arises. Thus, when they make their first entrance into the ballroom at the beginning of the evening, the latter goes in a step or two in advance of the younger woman. If a man is of the party, he follows the ladies. The custom of entering arm-in-arm has gone entirely out of fashion, as we have already said. At subscription dances in New York it is usual to announce the guests as they go in, a servant standing at the door for the purpose. The patronesses should be in line to receive them; but at some dances there is no one to perform the office. These official hostesses may greet all comers with a bow or courtesy, or they may follow the more cordial custom of shaking hands. At the subscription dances in New York the last-named method is usually followed. In Boston a girl is taken up to the receiving-line by an usher. She then makes a sweeping courtesy to all the patronesses, and dances with him. Whether they shake hands or merely bow, it is the duty of the ladies who receive to do so in a gracious manner, as befits a hostess.

Should one take leave of the latter after a dance? This depends upon circumstances. The persons who take their departure early often slip out quietly, in order not to advertise the fact that they are going. It is not altogether a compliment to a hostess to leave early in the evening, and if many people did so it would tend to break up the ball. Should one pass near the lady of the house, however, politeness requires that one should bid her good night and express pleasure in the evening’s entertainment or congratulate her on its success. Later on, when the movement to go home becomes general, all take their leave of the hostess, and of the host, if he is standing near.

The discussion about the merits and demerits of the new styles of dancing has raged so vigorously in press and pulpit that every one is familiar with it. The result of all this debate has been good, since the objectionable features have been to a great extent removed. When the tango and the other new dances were first introduced, there was a great deal of unfavorable criticism of the method of holding the partner, and of the “shaking and wiggling” motions of the body. The latter was a consequence, it is said, of the slow movement of the music. This rendered it difficult to dance without a swaying accompaniment. By making the tempo a little more rapid it has been found possible to eliminate the last feature, and good dancers have proved that the tango, one-step, and the like can be executed well and gracefully without holding the partner too closely. It is evident that the new dances have been greatly modified, and that they will not be given up at present. It is pointed out that there always have been, and perhaps always will be, some persons who dance in a way that people of refinement disapprove of. It is a rule of good society to avoid everything that makes a person conspicuous, hence amateur dancers of good taste do not take their steps in the exaggerated and sensational style suitable only for professional performers.

A lady who wishes to give a large dance usually hires an assembly-room, unless she possesses a very spacious house. The arrangements at the front door, in the dressing-rooms, etc., are the same as those described elsewhere. Checks for the wraps, hats, and coats will be needed, cigars and cigarettes may be provided for the men. The use of dance programmes has been abandoned to a great extent, except at college, military, and naval balls. Here the young ladies often come from a distance, and the dance-cards are filled out for them beforehand by their brothers or friends.

Where a débutante is to be introduced to society she stands beside her mother, who shakes hands cordially with all her guests and then presents her daughter to the ladies, the men being introduced to the young girl. If the older daughters assist in receiving, they stand beyond the youngest. The husband sometimes receives with his wife, and sometimes does not. At a dance in a private house, a greater responsibility devolves upon the hostess than in a subscription affair, where a floor committee have the management of matters. She endeavors to provide her guests with partners, and makes some introductions, her husband and daughters assisting her.

At a subscription dance, if a young girl after making her bow to the patronesses fails to meet any one whom she knows, one of these official hostesses or a member of the floor committee presents a partner to her. These gentlemen wear a small boutonnière to indicate their office. It is their duty and pleasure to make everything go off well, and to assist the young girls in any way that may be needed. They know most of the guests and make introductions.

According to the present system of dancing, a number of the men form “a stag line” near the patronesses. After a couple have danced one or more times around the room, another man steps out from this line and “breaks in,” as the term is. That is to say, he interrupts their progress and asks the girl to dance with him. This she should certainly do, unless there is some very special reason for refusing. It would be awkward for the young man to go back to the line, as every one would see that his invitation had been declined. It would probably result in an awkward situation for the girl also, as to dance a long time with the same partner continuously is now considered highly undesirable. A young woman who does so runs the risk of being considered a wall-flower. If she does not know many of the young men present, it may happen that no one will “break in,” and it will become her duty, after a certain length of time, to release her partner. There are several ways of doing this. She may ask to speak to the patronesses or to another girl. In the last case an exchange of partners may be effected, or the young man whom she is releasing may bring up a third man and present him to the other young lady; or our young friend may appeal to a member of the floor committee. He will perhaps dance with her himself, or present another partner to her. Young women sometimes serve on the floor committee at a dance. These are usually girls who have been for some years in society.

While, as has been said, a young woman should not under ordinary circumstances refuse to dance with a man who “breaks in,” it is permissible for her to do so, if her partner is unwilling to release her. If he intimates to the new-comer that it is his dance and that he does not want to give it up, then the girl may, if she pleases, go on dancing with him. This arrangement of a stag line with frequent change of partners is suitable only for private or semi-private affairs, such as subscription dances. For a public ball the older method of engaging a partner for an entire number is the proper one.