During the morning hours the lady of the house may reasonably ask to be excused. She may be in the habit of breakfasting in her room, while later letters and household cares will occupy her time. If she does not expect to appear until the luncheon-hour, however, she should inquire overnight whether there is anything she can do for her guests in the morning. Although these will usually occupy themselves and amuse one another in the forenoon, their entertainer will have some plans probably for the afternoon and almost certainly for the evening. It is wise to arrange the night before, or betimes in the morning, the programme for the day, so that the guests will know what to expect. If these are all young people and the hostess an older woman, she will hardly take part in the more active out-of-door amusements. Where there is neither son nor daughter of the house, as deputy in the sports, it often happens that a young friend acts for the lady of the house.
The hostess should, if possible, be on hand to receive the adieux of the departing guests. If these are to leave in the morning and forget to inquire overnight about the train service, the hostess may with perfect propriety ask at what time they would like to start. She should do so in a tactful way, and might say, for instance: “At what hour are you obliged to be in New York, Miss Y——? I should like to let the chauffeur know to-night, so that he may be ready in good season to take you to the train.”
A “bread-and-butter letter” thanking the lady of the house for her hospitality should be written within a few days of the visit. If the guest is a young girl she should write very promptly, in order to let her hostess know of her safe arrival at her destination. Such a note need not be long, but it should show a cordial appreciation of the kindness received.
II
AFTERNOON TEAS AND RECEPTIONS FOR THE DÉBUTANTE—“THÉ DANSANT”
Dress and Behavior of Guests—Dress and Etiquette for the Hostess and Her Assistants—Formal and Informal Occasions—Who May Send Flowers.
AFTERNOON teas maintain their popularity because they present the simplest and easiest way of receiving one’s circle of friends and acquaintances. Like the magic cloak of fable, they expand or shrink to suit the requirements and resources of every hostess, whether she be rich or in modest circumstances, whether she wishes to ask several hundred persons to a stately city mansion or half a dozen friends to a quiet country villa. For presenting a young girl to society they are especially convenient. All the old family friends will appreciate the opportunity of seeing the débutante and welcoming her to her new sphere, without going to the trouble and expense of buying a new ball-dress and hiring a carriage. To many elderly people, evening dances, with the late hours, indigestible suppers, and fatigue necessarily involved, are very distasteful.
The guest can judge of the nature of the afternoon occasion by the style of the invitation. For a large and formal reception, it is usual to send out some little time in advance engraved cards of generous size. The name of the débutante is placed beneath that of her mother, followed by the statement that they will be at home on such and such a day and hour, at number so-and-so in a certain street. For a smaller and less pretentious occasion, or for a series of teas, the hostess uses her own visiting-cards, on which her daughter’s name may also be engraved. The day or days and hours are sometimes written in and sometimes engraved.
Neither of these forms of invitation requires any answer, except that those who are unable to attend the affair send a visiting-card in time to reach the house the same day or the day after. If there are two hostesses (the débutante and her mother, for instance), a lady should send two cards. A gentleman sometimes sends three, the third being intended for the master of the house. No comments should be written on these. If one desires to express especial regret to a hostess whom one knows fairly well, a note may accompany the visiting-card.
The question is sometimes asked by correspondents, “Is it obligatory to attend a series of teas or receptions to which an invitation has been received?” Courtesy demands that we shall, if possible, go to one of the occasions. Only an intimate friend or a person especially invited would attend all of them. Should one be unable to go, it is not necessary to send cards of acknowledgment until the last of the afternoons. Persons who are in deep mourning, or who are prevented by some other reason from accepting the invitation, sometimes send their cards soon after it is received and so signify their inability to be present.