The angel that kept the book found that the serjeants and remembrancers were to come on next; whereupon they were called, and appeared; but the court was not much troubled with them, for they confessed guilty at first word, and so were tied up without any more ado.
The next that appeared was an astrologer, loaden with almanacks, globes, astrolabes, etc., making proclamation as loud as he could bawl that there must needs be a gross mistake in the reckoning, for Saturn had not finished his course, and the world could not be yet at an end. One of the devils that saw how he came provided, and looked upon him as his own already: “A provident slave,” quoth he, “I warrant him, to bring his firing along with him. But this I must needs tell ye,” says he to the mathematician, “’tis a strange thing, ye should create so many heavens in your life, and go to the devil for want of one after your death.” “Nay, for going,” cried the astrologer, “ye shall excuse me; but if you’ll carry me, well and good.” And immediately order was given to carry him away and pay the porter.
Hereupon, methought, the court rose, the throne vanished; the shadows and darkness withdrew; the air sweetened; the earth was covered with flowers; the heavens clear: and then I waked, not a little satisfied to find that after all this, I was still in my bed, and among the living. The use I made of my dream was this: I betook myself presently to my prayers, with a firm resolution of changing my life, and putting my soul into such a frame of piety and obedience, that I might attend the coming of the great day with peace and comfort.
THE END OF THE THIRD VISION
THE FOURTH VISION OF LOVING FOOLS
About four o’clock, in a cold frosty morning, when it was much better being in a warm bed, with a good bedfellow, than upon a bier in the churchyard; as I lay advising with my pillow, tumbling and tossing a thousand love-toys in my head, I passed from one fancy to another, till at last I fell into a slumber; and there appeared the genius of disabuse, laying before me all the follies, and vanities of love, and supporting her opinions with great authorities and reasons. I was carried then (methought I knew not how) into a fair meadow: a meadow, pleasant and agreeable infinitely beyond the very fictions of your half-witted poets, with all their far-fetched gilding, and enamellings (for a paper of verses is worth nothing with them, unless they force nature for’t, and rifle both the Indies). This delicious field was watered with two rivulets, the one bitter, the other sweet; and yet they mingled their streams with a pretty kind of murmur, equal perhaps to the best music in the world. The use of these waters was (as I observed) to temper the darts of love; for while I was upon the prospect of the place, I saw several of Cupid’s little officers, and subjects, dipping of arrows there, for their entertainment and ease. Upon this, I fancied myself in one of the gardens of Cyprus, and that I saw the very hive, where the bee lived that stung my young master, and occasioned that excellent ode which Anacreon has written upon the subject. The next thing I cast my eye upon was a palace in the midst of the meadow; a rare piece, as well for the structure as design. The porches were of the Doric order, excellently wrought; and the pedestals, bases, columns, cornices, capitals, architraves, friezes (and in short the whole front of the fabric) was beautified with imaginary trophies, and triumphs of love, in half relief, which as they were intermixed with other fantastic works and conceits, carried the face of several little histories, and gave a great ornament to the building. Over the porch, there was in golden letters, upon black marble, this inscription:
This is called fools’ paradise,
From the loving fools that dwell in’t,
Where the great fools rule the less,
The rest obey, and all do well in’t.
The finishing and materials were pleasant to admiration. The portal spacious, the doors always open, and the house free to all comers, which were very many; the porter’s place was supplied by a woman; exquisitely handsome, both for face and person; tall, delicately shaped, and set off with great advantages of dress, and jewels. She was made up, in fine, of charms, and her name (as I understood) was Beauty. She would let any man in to see the house for a look; and that was all I paid for my passage. In the first court, I found a many of both sexes, but so altered in habit and countenance, that they could scarce know one another. They were sad, pensive; and their complexions tinted with a yellow paleness (which Ovid calls Cupid’s livery). There was no talk of being true to friends; loyal to superiors; and dutiful to parents: but kindred did the office of procurers; and procurers were called cousins. Wives loved their husbands’ she friends, and husbands did as much for them, in loving their gallants.
While I was upon the contemplation of these encounters of affection, there appeared a strange extravagant figure, but in the likeness of a human creature. It was neither perfectly man nor perfectly woman, but had indeed a resemblance of both. This person I perceived was ever busy, up and down, going and coming; beset all over with eyes and ears, and had one of the craftiest distrustful looks (methought) that ever I saw. And withal, (as I observed) no small authority in the place, which made me inquire after this creature’s name, and office. “My name,” quoth she, for now it proved to be a woman, “is Jealousy, and methinks, you and I should be better acquainted, for how came you here else? However, for your satisfaction, you are to understand that the greater part of the distempered people you see here are of my bringing; and yet I am not their physician, but their tormentor; and serve only to aggravate and embitter their misfortunes. If you would know anything further of the house, never ask me, for ’tis forty to one I shall tell you a lie; I have not told you half the truth even of myself; and to deal plainly with you, I am made up of inventions, artifice, and imposture: but the good old man that walks there, is the Major Domo, and will tell you all, if you will but bear with his slow way of discourse.”
Thereupon I went to the good man, whom I knew presently to be Time, and desired him to let me look into the several quarters and lodgings of the house, for there were some fools of my acquaintance there I’d fain visit; he told me that he was at present so busy about making of caudles, cock-broths, and jellies for his patients, that he could not stir; but yet he directed me where I might find all those I inquired for, and gave me the freedom of the house to walk at pleasure.