“Going abroad!” repeated I in astonishment, “where are you going to? when are you going? this is a very sudden resolution, surely.”
“I know it is, but I cannot stay here,” he continued; “I must get away—I am wretched, perfectly miserable.”
“My dear Harry,” replied I, “what is the matter? come tell me; as boys we had no concealments from each other, and this reserve which appears lately to have sprung up between us is not well: what has occurred to render you unhappy?”
A deep sigh was for some minutes his only answer; then, gazing steadily in my face, he said, “And have you really no idea?—But why should I be surprised at the blindness of others, when I myself have only become aware of the true nature of my own feelings when my peace of mind is destroyed, and all chance of happiness for me in this life has fled for ever!”
“What do you mean, my dear Harry?” replied I; “what can you refer to?”
“Have you not thought me very much altered of late?” he continued.
“Since you ask me, I have fancied that illness was beginning to sour your temper,” I replied.
“Illness of mind, not body,” he resumed; “for now, when life has lost all charm for me, I am regaining health and strength apace. You must have observed with what a jaundiced eye I have regarded everything that Lawless has said or done; what was the feeling, think you, which has led me to do so? Jealousy!”
“Jealousy?” exclaimed I, as for the first time the true state of the case flashed across me—“Oh! Harry, why did you not speak of this sooner?”
“Why, indeed! because in my blindness I fancied the affection I entertained for your sister was merely a brother's love, and did not know, till the chance of losing her for ever opened my eyes effectually, that she had become so essential to my happiness that life without her would be a void. If you but knew the agony of mind I endured while they wore acting that hateful charade last night! I quite shudder when I think how I felt towards Lawless; I could have slain him where he stood without a shadow of compunction. No, I must leave this place without delay; I would not go through what I suffered yesterday again for anything—I could not bear it.”