The Dirty-Neck Policeman and the Black Hand
Oh, run! Oh, mercy, run! you little children,
Just as fast and quickly as you can!
For here comes the Dirty-Neck Policeman,
And I'm sure I see the Black-Hand man.
So, scrub, scrub, scrub your little hannies,
And your necks, pray don't forget them, dears;
These men will surely get you if you're dirty;
They'll pay no attention to your tears.
The Dirty-neck Policeman he jes' grabs you,
And if he finds your neck's not clean and white,
He carries you away in spite of begging,
And keeps you from your mother all that night!
Next day his ugly wife gets soap and water,
And scrubs you with a great big curry-comb;
And if you cry she fills your mouth with soap-suds,
Till you promise you will keep clean when you get home.
The Black-hand Man keeps hidin' 'round the corner,
A-lookin' at your knuckles and your nails;
And if they're dirty he jes' rushes at you
And grabs you with a hook—he never fails!
And then he sits down on you when he's caught you,
Sandpapers you until you're bleedin', My!
And he jes' laughs and chuckles while he's working,
And rubs you all the harder if you cry!
So it's best to keep quite clean, or you'll be sorry;
You never know just when you may get caught;
The Dirty-neck Policeman's mighty watchful,
And the Black-hand Man's a-hidin' 'round a lot!
Do You Believe in Santa Claus?
"Aw, youse kids make me orful tired,
Talkin' 'bout Sandy Claws!
Huh! Don'tcher know he's jest a fake,
And nothin' 'cept our pas?
"When your ma tells you all this rot,
Don't believe her no more;
Get wise! I've watched and seen pa work—
Dere bluffin' makes me sore."
"O Jim! You shouldn't say such things!"
The rest intreated him,
"For if you do you'll make him mad,
And he'll forget you, Jim."
"Of course Old Santa's sure-nuff true,
An' comes 'round every year
An' brings you things, if you are good—
We think him just a dear.
"The fairies, you'll be saying next,
Are make-believes also.
Just 'cause you're tough (our mas say so)
Is no sign that you know."
Well, Christmas morning came, and Jim
His stockings rushed to see.
He took one look and then he cried,
"They're empty as can be!"
But then he found, by hunting 'round,
A suit of underwear,
A tooth-brush and a handkerchief
Upon a kitchen chair.
He cried and cried and then ran out—
Was anxious so to see
If others in the neighborhood
Had fared the same as he.
But Mary had a baby doll,
And Jamie had a sled;
Virginia had some roller skates,
An air-gun had small Fred.
Besides, much candy they all had,
And lots and lots of toys
And things that Santa always brings
To real good girls and boys.
"Now fellers, w'at's the answer, say?
I'm mad enough to swear!
I needed skates—why did I get
A suit of underwear?
"It seems that you-uns ev'ry one
Has got most everything
That you have said for weeks you hoped
That Sandy Claws would bring."
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