The answer is, dear children:
Old Santa Claus don't doubt.
For if you do—the truth I tell—
Like Jim, you'll be left out!
Shaving Time
When Dad gets out his safety
The family 'gin to quake;
They huddle 'round the doorway,
Nor dare the silence break.
When Dad gets out his safety,
A hush falls on the air
And Fido runs to hide him
Beneath a friendly chair.
Then Ma, she tiptoes gently
To fetch him water hot,
And lest he want for towels
She lays him out a lot.
One of us goes for talcum,
And one for shaving soap;
Another gets witch hazel,
Cold cream and smelly dope.
Then we withdraw us quickly
And watch him from afar;
A safety's mighty dang'rous—
It wouldn't do to jar.
With face all white and soapy
He scrapes his cheeks and chin;
The way he frowns and winces
It surely hurts like sin.
But when the job is over
And Dad looks clean and young,
We all resume our breathing,
And songs of praise are sung.
As Dad cleans up his safety
You ought to see him strut
And brag about how easy 'tis
His face to never cut.
When Dad's put 'way his safety
He laughs with fiendish glee
To think the grasping barber
From him will get no fee.
But ev'ry silver lining
Has dark clouds lurking near:
Tomorrow morn Dad's safety
Brings back our hour of fear.
The Big Black Bear
Come, bear with me, I'll tell to you
Of Big Black Bears with children two;
Of Father Bear, too ready to dare,
And Mother, and the cross she bare.
'Twas "Cinnabar" and "Blackberry" that Pa Bear his children named;
But simply "Bairns" was nicer far, the mother stoutly claimed.
A lively time these children had, of pleasures had no lack;
The thing that tickled them the most was bareback pick-a-pack.
This man Bear was, oh! so wicked and sly,
He'd steal and then tell you a barefaced lie;
The older he grew the more he would fight—
Stuck on himself 'cause he could read and write.
This Big Black Bear was a grouchy bear,
And a cross old bear was he;
He snapped and clawed and bristled and pawed
And growled ferociously!
This Big Black Bear broke open the door
And walked right into the groc'ry store;
He ate all the sugar, he ate all the ham,
And left not a cent for the groc'ryman.
He wrapped up honey and choice candies
And he then left a note: "Just charge 'em, please;
I'm gaunt and sore, I've come a distance,
And take enough for bare existence."
The grocer, next morn, collected some men
And tracked the foot-prints right up to the den;
The Cubs, when they came, were out all alone,
But raced through cubbyholes cut in the stone.
The Bears laid low, kept out of sight,
Cubs snuggled down like it was night.
"All right," said the men, "we'll sure get you yet!"
And then went to work a big trap to set.
They got it all fixed and placed on the ground,
And then lots of honey scattered around;
And then, lest some traveler its sight should miss,
They nailed up a sign that looked just like this:
