And the fleas sent up a bill to the dogs which recited that this great Volume, gotten up for their benefit, had cost the fleas an enormous amount of time and labor which must be recouped unto them by the dogs, and that it would require the dogs to grind an hour a day more for one year.
So the dogs did grind and sigh an hour a day more, but had great faith in the Will Expresser which
“* * * Moved in a mysterious way,
Its wonders to perform.”
In process of time there came about a grave quarrel among the fleas around the Tank, and they began to call each other names. The quarrel began by those farthest away from the Spout getting jealous of those that sat nearest thereto, for they said those that sat nigh unto got a better chance to help themselves to the blood, and consequently got fatter than those that sat far away, which those sitting nearest declared to be all nonsense and a libel on their honors. Nevertheless, it so happened that they did get fatter and bigger than those that sat farther away; and though they disclaimed violently that their extra fatness was due to their proximity to the Spout they did not volunteer to change places with the farther off ones. Therefore the Faraways—who were nearly all Low Pressurists—began to push and shove to get up near to the Spout, and the Nighuntos—who were mostly High Pressurists—did push and shove to maintain their places, not, said they, because they wanted to sit nigh unto the Spout, but as a matter of Principle, because they were the lineal descendants of a Grand Old Party of High Pressure Suckers that had once, a many years before, rushed to the rescue and salvation of the Spout, when a lot of Low Pressure Suckers, the lineal ancestors of the present pesky Low Pressurists, had made a dastardly and traitorous attempt to break it off and cripple the Mill.
And there was a mighty shoving; and the Nighuntos indignantly said unto the Faraways, “Whom are ye a shoving of?” And much bad temper was shown, and upon several occasions divers of them got hurt.
Then did some of the acute Faraways hit upon a way of strengthening themselves to shove the Nighuntos away from the Spout and get there themselves. Said they, “Why not get the dogs to help us to shove?” So they sent secretly for the inventor of the Will of the Dogs Expresser and said unto him, “Lo! We be Dog Admirers, and believe that your hard condition should be ameliorated. It is quite plain to any thinking mind that your long days of grinding at the Handle and your bloodless condition are due to those cruelly greedy Nighuntos that sit close up to the Spout. They are never satisfied. The Tank does not require half the blood that flows into it. All the rest, these suckers deliberately appropriate for their own private fattening.
“Now if we sat near the Spout we would reduce the flow of blood to the requirements of the Tank, ‘economically administered,’ and would cause all that now unnecessarily flows into it to be given to the dogs at the Handle, to whom it rightfully belongs. Thus will the number of your hours of toil be reduced. Promise us therefore that the next time ye use your great and ever blessed Expresser, ye will send a thundering avalanche of papers down the shute ordering the Nighuntos to get away from the Spout, and us Faraways to take their places. So shall your hard condition be ameliorated indeed.”
And the Inventor, with his tail brandished on high, ran back to his fellow toilers at the Handle, crying, “Joy! Joy! Deliverance! Behold; the Faraways, who are our friends, have promised that if we will order the Nighuntos, by the Will of the Dogs Expresser, to give place at the Spout to the Faraways, they will administer the Tank and the Spout in our interest.”
But the Nighuntos got to hear that the Faraways had made a treaty of mutual help with the dogs. So they sent a delegation up to the grinders, saying, “Be not deceived; these Faraway Low Pressurists are frauds. Their love for you is all in our eye. They wish to get nigh unto the Spout only for to make themselves fat. And what is more, we know that they are traitors to dogs in general and to you Handle Turners in particular, for we have discovered that they have been engaged for a long time in a dastardly plot to break down this Infant Industry of dog grinding, in which you and we are mutually interested, and to uproot this whole Mill from its foundations, and sell it and the Handle—by the turning of which ye are maintained in constant employment at high wages—to your enemies the pauper dogs of Kyhidom, who will thus turn you out of employment, to wander about seeking for a Handle to turn and finding none. Therefore, do not listen to the plausible lies they tell; but remember that Dogs at the Handle and Fleas at the Tank are ONE and retain us close to the Spout—us, who are its Natural Guardians, and who were its Shield and Salvation in its Hour of Peril in the time past—and ye shall have more steady employment than ever. Be wise, and set your faces as flint against this conspiracy. Let your watchword be “High Wages and Protection to our Native Handle Turners.” They be liars and the party of immoral ideas, and are merely Dog Admirers. But we be the Only Original Truth Speakers and Dog Worshippers.”