How the Will of the Dogs Expresser Worked.—The Solemn Mummery Committee.—How it Inquired very Extensively into the Condition of the Dogs.—Quarrel Between the High Pressure Nighuntos and Low Pressure Faraways.—Wonderful Double Back Action of the Little Box with the Little Slot in it.
THEN did the dogs set up the little box with the little slot in it; and upon a day appointed they went every one and dropped into it little papers, upon some of which was written that the fleas must inquire into the hard condition of the dogs, with a view to ameliorating it; and on some it was written that the fleas need not inquire into their condition, with a view, etc., for there were some dogs that were afraid to have a Will, lest it should be known that they had expressed it and should be discharged from the Handle.
So when all the papers had been dropped through the slot and the box was full, the trap in the bottom thereof was pulled, and the load of papers went down in a thundering avalanche by the shute into the midst of the fleas. And the fleas sorted them and counted them, and one arose and said, “Oyez! Oyez! the Will of the Dogs Expresser hath spoken and there is a Great Majority; and the Great Majority commandeth that we, as their Public Servants, do forthwith inquire into the hard condition of the dogs at the Handle, with a view to ameliorating it. We must therefore bow to the Mandate, and look into their condition, with a view, etc.”
Thereupon the fleas did immediately appoint a Solemn Mummery Committee to take with them telescopes and microscopes, spectacles and eye-glasses to go and look into the condition of the dogs, with a view, etc. And when the dogs saw them coming they barked propitiatingly and wagged their tails delightedly to see the fleas come at the Mandate of the Expresser, and they prophesied great good things of comfort to come of it.
And the fleas did look into their condition. Some stood afar off and viewed the grinding dogs through their telescopes, and made notes of what they saw; and some, with their microscopes got quite near and closely examined their prominent ribs and sore backs and blood-shot eyes and their generally measly appearance, and made voluminous notes; while the rest made general surveys through their spectacles and eye-glasses, and made notes.
Thus did the Committee gather a huge Mass of Statistics which they promised the dogs they would Publish, which promise made the dogs to dance for joy.
And after many days the fleas rolled up what they called a Volume, bulky with Facts and Figures, and fat with Platitudes and Suggestions concerning the amelioration of the grievous condition of the Handle Turning Dogs, which the Volume called the Great Question of the Day.