Making genuflexion to the flag, and bowing to the dogs, Mak Tinley retired, while storms of applause broke out from the dogs.
CHAPTER XXXI.
Unqualified Triumph of Bunkum, Statistics and Averages.—Everything and Everybody “All Right.”—Thin and Hungry Honest Labor Testifies.—His Head Swells.—Shows that a Great Deal of Rich Patriotism can be Raised on a Very Small Amount of Poor Victuals.
WILHELM Bunkum Mak Tinley’s oration made a profound impression. Upon assembled fleas there fell a peace as of an undisturbed sea, a sweet consciousness that at last, all danger from dog-thinking was safely over. The Bamboozling Committee beamed and winked at each other in silent ecstasy. And as for the dogs, nothing like their satisfaction ever was before seen. Mak Tinley’s magnificent effort had done the job. There was in it an array of facts and figures that carried conviction home to their hearts and consciences. Poetry, imagery and gush the others had given—which was all very delightful—but he had risen to the needs of the times. They were hungry and wasted, and he had opened the granary of his brilliant imagination, and had poured out upon them some real, genuine, solid, substantial, and stomach filling Statistics and Averages, that put new life and soul into them. They danced and howled with joy; they hugged and kissed each other, and blessed God for Mak Tinley, the Stomach Filler. One meagre and unkempt dog cried, “Three cheers for Mak Tinley, Statistics and Averages,” which all the dogs gave. Then another meagre dog yelled, “Hurrah for our Country and Flag, the finest in the world,” and all the dogs hurrahed, the pretty cloths were fluttered on high, the loud-noise-producing instruments were blown and banged and thumped, and at the word “Flag,” all the fleas arose and made prosternation.
Then a large, thin and lanky dog, with hungry eyes, jumped up and demanded that three cheers be rendered unto the Bamboozling Committee; which were no sooner given than he inquired with great and strident solicitude, “What is the matter with Harry Grandadhat?” And the whole assembly of dogs and fleas, before Grandadhat had time to reply on his own behalf, thundered out in one mighty chorus, “He’s all right;” to which some one, who had evidently not heard who was referred to, inquired, “Who’s all right?” to which again the whole assembly, very courteously and obligingly, responded in chorus: “Why, Harry Grandadhat.” All which catechism seemed, for some deep and inscrutable reason, to cause a perfect delirium of joy. And the delirium spread and waxed until nothing was heard or seen but the chorused catechism, three cheers for everything and everybody, the hubbub of the wind and thump instruments, the waving of the pretty cloths, and the dogs tearing madly around, howling, standing on their heads, rolling on the ground, and leaping over each other for joy and gladness.
At last the tempest lulled, and the Blatherskite stepped forward and said, “Brethren, now is the accepted time; now is the day of testimony. In this hour of softened splendor and outpouring upon us all of the holy spirit of patriotism, if there is any dog here that feels it borne in upon his soul to testify, let him step up, and the Lord be with him.”