If a stupid fellow was going up for a competitive examination, why should he study the letter P? Because P makes ass Pass.
Why is buttermilk like something that never happened? Because it hasn't a curd (occurred).
Why is the letter O the noisiest of all the vowels? Because the rest are in audible.
Why is a Member of Parliament like a shrimp? Because he has M. P. at the end of his name.
Why is a pig a paradox? Because it is killed first and cured afterward.
Why is a bad half-dollar like something said in a whisper? Because it is uttered, but not allowed (aloud).
Why do black sheep eat less than white ones? Because there are fewer of them.
Why is a barn-door fowl sitting on a gate like a half-penny? Because its head is on one side and its tail on the other.
Why is a man searching for the Philosopher's Stone like Neptune? Because he is a-seeking (sea-king) what never was.
Why is the nose placed in the middle of the face? Because it's the scenter (cen-ter).