The lady interrupted him with, “None of the cleanest, indeed, Mr. Thingumbob. Good God, Susan, why did’nt you tell him to wipe his feet on the mat!”
“I beg you will excuse,”—continued my friend, apologizing.
“Well, I suppose I must excuse. My gracious! what are you doing, sir? you’ve put your nasty wet hat upon my beautiful rose-wood table! Why, Susan, I say, bring a cloth—who could ever believe that any man would bring his hat into a parlour! you stupid girl, is that the way to rub a table? use a little elbow grease, you intolerable slow coach—there, get away and let me do it myself!” and with that the lady snatched the cloth from the hands of her domestic, and began rubbing and puffing in a style which sufficiently proved she was capable of giving, if not receiving a polish.
After ten minutes’ exercise, the lady returned the rubber to the servant, and with a face ruddy as the full moon at its rising, seated herself upon the chair, and cast a look of satisfaction round the room at the peculiar neatness of its appearance.
“I perceive, madam,” said my friend, “you take particular delight in seeing your apartments kept clean and neat, and the arrangement of this room does honour to your taste;” he had touched the string that vibrated to her heart.
“I confess, sir, I feel a pride in seeing every thing in its place, and cleanliness is an indispensable qualification in the servant I engage. Will you believe me, sir, when I tell you that this girl you just saw, is the forty-ninth I have had in the last twelvemonth, and I have no more idea of keeping her than I have of taking back any of her predecessors.”
“Ah madam, servants are sad plagues!”
“Plagues, sir, they are devils. Why, it was but yesterday, when I thought my house, from the attic to the kitchen, was so clean, that not a speck of dirt could be visible to a fly, I was obliged to upset a whole boiler full of the most delicious pea-soup into the middle of the kitchen!”
The phrenologist lifted up his legs, by instinct, as if he felt the sprinkling of it upon them, and exclaimed, “How unfortunate!”
“Unfortunate, sir, it was insupportable,” cried the lady; “but I made her clean it up again!”