"You did right," replied the Marshal, with a smile; "Monsieur de la Ferté has been unfortunate--the town is relieved--we must retreat; but there is no danger," he added, in a louder tone, "if the men will but show the calm courage of true Frenchmen."
I must confess that a good deal of confusion now succeeded. Turenne endeavoured instantly to withdraw his troops from the trenches; but notwithstanding all his skill and all his coolness, an immense number were lost. Condé and the forces from the town pressed upon us hard; but, nevertheless, we had sufficient time to evacuate the lines, and secure the principal part of our baggage and artillery, without any great annoyance from the enemy. My first care was to get poor little Clement upon a wagon, and to see him safely out of the camp, in which the panic and haste of a night engagement was spreading much more confusion than necessary. As soon as the baggage and artillery were secure, Turenne made no further attempt to maintain his position, but, merely presenting a bold front to the enemy whenever he saw the likelihood of a renewed attack, he caused regiment after regiment to evacuate the lines, remaining himself till the last man had quitted them.
When we were once out of the camp, and in free and open ground, order and tranquillity were soon restored; and so skilfully did Turenne conduct his march, that the enemy, though now infinitely superior to ourselves in number, did not dare to attack us.
The rest of the incidents of that campaign were certainly interesting enough to military men; but as it is my own history, and not the history of Europe, that I am writing, I must turn once more to the subject of self. There now existed a continual struggle in my mind, in order to familiarise my thoughts with the idea of Laura de Villardin becoming the wife of another. I tried to impress upon my heart, as it was already impressed upon my understanding, that she never could be mine, and that her hand must be bestowed upon the Count de Laval; and I fancied that, by continually keeping this image before my eyes, while I daily exercised my resolution by the contemplation, I should be able to tranquillize the pain I suffered, and even to quell my love by the certainty of its hopelessness. In some degree, I certainly succeeded--if, indeed, I may so call it; for the object that I attained was very different from that which I strove for. I did not remove one pang from my heart, but I learned to bear them; I did not in the least diminish my love, or for a moment forget her that inspired it, but I learned the means of concealing it within my own bosom, and hiding its existence, in some sort, even from myself. What was, perhaps, worse than all, at least in its effect, I lulled myself in an imaginary security; fancied that I could command both my feelings and my actions; and determined that, however much I might suffer internally, I would behave in every respect as if no feelings but those of fraternal regard actuated me towards Laura de Villardin. The delusion was one which nothing but love could enable a man to practise on himself, especially after having marked, with keen and interested eyes, in my early youth, the very same conduct pursued by Lord Masterton, and having seen how entirely it had failed. Nevertheless, the deception with myself was quite complete; and though, perhaps, I had that degree of apprehension in regard to my own resolutions, which would have made me very willingly remain with the army, even in winter quarters, had such a thing been required, yet I had so taught myself to believe that it was absolutely necessary for me to act entirely as an indifferent person, that I took not the slightest step to obtain any of those small appointments, which would have been granted me at once, and which would have afforded a fair excuse for absenting myself from a place so dangerous to my peace.
It must not, however, be thought that, on all days and at all times, during the six months we spent with the army, my feelings or resolutions remained in the same state. Quite the contrary; though I have detailed what was the general result, yet my mood and my thoughts were in a continual state of fluctuation; and a thousand trifles would occur, from day to day, to give a new course to my sentiments, in which they would remain for a few hours, and then, after calm reflection, would be overruled by my former determinations. Thus, many a time, a casual word from Monsieur de Villardin, or from little Clement de la Marke, concerning her I loved, her conduct during the past, or her prospects for the future, would throw me back into one of my fits of wild despair; and, forgetting every better thought, I would rush into the very teeth of danger, and court death, like a madman, wherever he was to be found. Then, again, I would fall into deep and gloomy musings, which would occupy me for whole days; and then I would almost be tempted to commit a greater act of madness than all, and, acknowledging my love and my despair, pour out my blood at her feet.
All these paroxysms, however, lasted but their time; and still reflection restored to me my former determinations, which gradually became more and more fixed, as, passing through the rest of the campaign, I followed Turenne in all his brilliant movements and successful enterprises, till at length, in the end of November, the army re-entered France, was dispersed in winter quarters in Picardy, and I returned with Monsieur de Villardin to Paris.
[CHAPTER XXXIV.]
It happened, perhaps fortunately, that Monsieur de Villardin's new station in the army had prevented my being with him so continually as during our former campaigns. Thus the great change that had taken place in my habits and my feelings had not been so constantly brought before him as it otherwise would have been. It had not, however, passed without remark; and the consequences were totally different from those which would most probably have followed, had he known the causes of the melancholy that oppressed me. The desire of keeping me near him, which he had expressed on my last return to Brittany, was now increased to a positive determination of not suffering me to be absent from him; and, when I faintly proposed to remain behind him in Paris, and to see somewhat of the Court, in which were now just bursting forth the dawnings of that full blaze of magnificence which it ultimately displayed, he laid his hand affectionately upon my arm, replying--"No, no, my dear Juvigny; you must come with me into the calm quiet of the country. You have over-exerted both your mind and your body; and I see that you are always better and happier when you are with me in Brittany."
I had not strength of mind to say no; and, besides, I had persuaded myself that neither danger nor harm could accrue from my following the course he pointed out. We returned, therefore, to Brittany, after a very short stay in Paris. The journey seemed an eternity; and, when once I was embarked in it, more than one misgiving as to my own resolution and firmness certainly did cross my heart. It was now, however, too late to retreat; and at length the carnage stopped before the grey towers of the Prés Vallée. Our coming had been notified beforehand; and Laura instantly ran out to welcome her father. It seemed to me that every hour since I had left her had added some new charm to features that before had seemed perfection; had given some additional grace to a form which had before appeared in my eyes symmetry itself. From her father she turned to me; but I felt her hand tremble in mine, and her cheek burned as my lips touched it. Her eyes, too, sought the ground of the terrace; and her words of welcome were warm, indeed, but faltering and low. Everything told me that the discovery which had taken place in my own heart had been made also by hers, and that, whether she could return my affection or not, she was no longer unconscious of my love. It is scarcely possible to explain what were my feelings at that moment. I was agitated--I was even pained; and yet the joy of seeing her again, and, perhaps, a fancy, too, that my affection was not without return, were sufficient to outweigh, for the moment, all the apprehensions, and sorrows, and anxieties which were cast into the other scale. Her first embarrassment wore away in an instant; and it was easy to see that, whatever she had discovered, none of the pains and sorrows which had become so familiar to my mind, had, as yet, presented themselves to her eyes.
While little Clement de la Marke was claiming his share of welcome, Monsieur de Villardin and I turned to meet Father Ferdinand, who was now coming out to receive us. I had not seen him for nearly three years; and that space of time seemed to have effected a greater change in him than in any of the rest of the party, with the exception, indeed, of Laura, who, from a sweet, graceful girl, had grown into a beautiful woman. He was now, certainly, an old man; and a considerable inclination of his head, marked, but not undignified, had taken near two inches from his height since last I saw him. He embraced me as a father would do a son, and asked me anxiously what was the cause of the sad change he remarked in my once robust and muscular frame? As he spoke, I saw Laura's eyes seek mine with an expression of anxiety and apprehension which was painfully sweet to my heart. She spoke not, however; and I replied to Father Ferdinand, attempting to smile gaily as I did so.