Thus saying, he turned upon his heel, and was leaving me; but the expression of bitter mortification which his words had produced upon my countenance touched him, and he came back. "Monsieur de Juvigny," he said, "I am angry with you, because I know you can do better than you have done this day. I do not absolutely disapprove of a young man risking somewhat more than necessary in his own person, but I do strongly disapprove of his acting rashly when in a command, such as that entrusted to you this evening. You may receive it as a mark of personal regard that I did not choose to blame you publicly; but, at the same time, do not let that circumstance deprive this admonition of any of its force, and take care to be more prudent for the future."
Although the reproof I had received was certainly well merited, and sunk deep into my memory, I nevertheless resolved to expose my own person as much as ever, though at the same time I saw the necessity of being more careful of my troops. For many days, time seemed to have no effect upon the bitter and painful feelings which had taken possession of my heart, and despair was my constant companion. Gloomy, melancholy, and reserved, I avoided the society of my fellow officers; and at night when I was in my tent, I gave myself up to sombre meditations, which consumed in vain regrets the greater part of those hours that should have been devoted to sleep. Not that I did not court slumber with all my heart, for while I was asleep was the only time that I could feel happy, though it was but the happiness of inanition. In order, however, to gain such repose, I was obliged to labour throughout the whole day, and completely to exhaust the body before I could calm the mind.
From morning till night I was either on horseback, or working as a volunteer in the trenches, or, accompanied by little Clement de la Marke, visiting the different posts, and endeavouring to give him a thorough and practical knowledge of the duties of a soldier. Wherever the thickest of the enemy's fire was directed, there I was still to be found; yet as I showed myself careful of my troops, my conduct now drew down upon me great praise, although the motive, I am afraid, was the same as before.
My little page was indeed a great comfort to me, for quick, lively, inquiring, while he was with me, he gave constant occupation to my mind, and from his prompt powers of apprehension, pleased and delighted, while he furnished me with matter for indifferent thought, and filled the painful moments of leisure. For the first ten days, indeed, of the siege of Valenciennes, we were in no want of employment, for the garrison took every means which skill and resolution could suggest or execute to delay our progress or to compel us to abandon the attempt. As the force within the walls was but small, an effort was immediately made to throw a reinforcement into the place, and this proving vain, means were taken to inundate a great part of the ground within our lines. To remedy this, the cavalry was constantly employed for several days in carrying fascines, for the purpose of forming both a floating bridge and a dike across the inundation, which was not effected without infinite difficulty and loss of time. A worse result also ensued, in consequence of the extensive inundation which the enemy had been able to effect; a violent fever broke out in the camp, and one of the first persons attacked was my poor little page. I loved the boy most sincerely, and I had taken a sort of sad pleasure in winning his affection by every means, and in fancying that he at least would regret me bitterly when I was gone. I now, however, soon saw him reduced to the brink of the grave, and every moment that I could spare, I passed by his bedside. The poor little fellow, restless and delirious, still retained all his gentleness and affection. He would receive his remedies from no hand but mine, and often in the night when he saw me watching by him, he would beg me--in sentences confused and incoherent enough, indeed--to lie down and take my rest without minding him.
The time I spent with him was not lost to my mind; for, whether there was something monitory in the sight of a fellow being fluttering for days upon the very verge of eternity, or whether my better feelings were themselves struggling up by their own strength, I cannot tell; but I began to reflect upon my late conduct, and to view it in a different light from that which I had done at first. Reason soon showed me that the rash purpose of courting danger, which I had entertained, was, in fact, but a specious kind of suicide, a crime for which I had both a great contempt, and a great detestation; and after many a painful night of thought, I arrived at the conclusion which I should have reached at first, if passion had not overpowered my understanding. I found that I was bound by every tie to conquer the love which had so mastered my judgment, to banish for ever the dream that had bewildered me; and, if I could not succeed in crushing my own feelings, at least to conceal them most scrupulously. I went farther: I determined to act towards Laura and her father as if such sensations did not exist,--neither to avoid their society, nor to let them discover, by any means, that a change had come over my heart. I knew and felt that the attempt would be most agonising, but I fancied that the human mind could perform any task which it undertook, and thus, even with better purposes, I was again led into error. I scarcely know whether I was not deceiving myself, and whether from the first there was not mingling with all my reasoning the latent desire of seeing, once more at least, the being that I most loved on earth. I scarcely know, even now, whether it was so, or whether my designs were purely good and firm; for, of all the things that God has created, there is none so subtle as the human heart. At all events, this book is one of confessions as well as of memoirs, and the facts shall be told as they arose. Let others judge the motives, for no man yet, in every point, has judged himself justly.
At the end of nine or ten days, my young companion showed signs of amendment, and the surgeon strongly admonished me to turn my cares to my own health. It became necessary, indeed, that I should be more frequently absent from Clement's bedside, for duties of a different kind now called for constant exertions. By this time, the Spanish army, commanded by the Prince de Condé, had approached within sight of our lines of circumvallation, and it was evident to all who knew that great general, that an attack upon our camp would soon follow. At what point the assault would be made, of course, no one could tell; and, with the small force at our command, it was impossible to guard every part of the great extent of lines. Our infantry did not amount in all to above twelve thousand men, and what with those employed in carrying on the two separate attacks, which were going on against the town, and with those employed on other duty, a great part of our entrenchments were left exposed. Under these circumstances, and expecting every hour to see Condé attempt to force our camp, Turenne employed the cavalry to watch the lines continually, while three regiments of infantry were constantly held in readiness to march to whatever point should be ultimately assailed. All these precautions, however, were unavailing. The Maréchal de la Ferté, haughty, presumptuous, and jealous, neglected the warnings and counsels of Turenne; and Condé, well knowing which of the generals he was most likely to find unprepared, determined to attack the quarters of the former. My regiment had been on duty during the whole day, and after informing Monsieur de Turenne that I had seen demonstrations on the part of the enemy of a determination to pass the Scheldt, and attack the Maréchal de la Ferté, I retired to my tent for the night. It was the first evening that Clement had risen from his bed, and after supper I went into his part of the tent, and sat with him for about half an hour, listening to all the gay visions which the prospect of returning health called up in his mind, when suddenly I heard a sharp discharge of musketry from the side of Azin. Well understanding what it meant, I rushed out, got my men under arms, and, springing on horseback, rode towards the tent of Monsieur de Turenne, while the flashes and the report both showed that the enemy were already in the quarters of Monsieur de la Ferté. I found Monsieur de Villardin with the general, and both as calm as if they had been going to their beds.
Turenne was in the act of ordering two regiments of infantry to cross the dike and the bridge of fascines, and support the Maréchal de la Ferté, ere he (Turenne) could himself arrive with a stronger reinforcement.
"Monsieur de Villardin," he added, "I beg that you will remain here, and attend to the safety of the lines between the river Rouelle and the Chemin de Mons. Monsieur de Juvigny, his Highness the Prince de Condé is not a man to make this attack without securing some diversion in his favour. Lead your regiment down to support the troops of Loraine and the household forces, and bid them be upon the alert, for it would not surprise me if Don Juan or the Count de Marsin beat up their quarters."
I lost no time in obeying the orders, while the continued fire from Mont Azin showed me that the business was not yet concluded in that direction. Ere I had reached the quarters of Loraine, however, a few straggling shots from the lines in the neighbourhood of the little river Rouelle showed me that Turenne had not been mistaken, when he anticipated an attack on his side of the town likewise. I was at that moment within five hundred yards of that part of the lines; and as there was a good open space before me for the man[oe]uvres of cavalry, I halted the regiment, and rode on to ascertain how matters went. The next instant I met a company of infantry hurrying up; but before they could reach the palisade, it had been forced by the troops of the enemy at several points; and though the night was very dark, I could plainly perceive a strong body of Spanish infantry pushing forward by the side of the river. As the force already on the ground could offer no sufficient opposition to their progress, I felt it my duty to bring up the regiment, and make head against the enemy where first I met them. Our own company of foot gave them one discharge, just as I was approaching at the full trot; and taking advantage of some small confusion which this produced, I charged, and with very little difficulty drove them once more beyond the lines.
The adversary's force was at this point but small; and probably their object was more to occupy the troops of Turenne, and effect a diversion in favour of the attack of Condé, than really to attempt the relief of the town. By the time, however, that we had contrived to drive them back beyond the palisade, a regiment of infantry arrived to our support; and judging that the camp was now safe in that quarter, I proceeded to obey my first orders, and marched forward to join the household troops. As I rode on, I remarked that the firing had almost ceased in the quarters of Monsieur de la Ferté, and I was led to hope that the adversary had also been repulsed there. A moment after, however, the sound of loud acclamations from the town, and a tremendous fire opened upon our trenches--which had been pushed to the edge of the fosse--showed me at once that the city had been relieved. Before I had proceeded a hundred yards farther, I met Monsieur de Turenne galloping back at the head of his guards; and he demanded, somewhat hastily, what had delayed me so long. I had never been famous for using many words, and I now replied, in as few as possible, that I had found the lines by the side of the lesser stream attacked and carried by the enemy, and that I had but paused to charge, and drive them out.