If the new mark of royal favour I had received had, in the slightest degree rekindled the spark of hope in my bosom--and I suppose that such is always, more or less, the tendency of some unexpected success--Monsieur de Villardin, as we returned to his hotel, unconsciously extinguished the light altogether.
After congratulating me upon my good fortune, which he represented, and represented truly, as opening the way to the highest honours in the French army, he added, "You will be delighted, my dear boy, I am sure--as I know you take as much interest in my affairs as if you were my own son,--you will be delighted, I say, to hear that I have found for my dear Laura the very best alliance, perhaps in all France. Yesterday, at the palace, I met with my good friend, the Count de Laval, whose fortune and family, and high character, place him amongst the first, in the first rank of our French nobility. He at once asked my daughter's hand, and enhanced the compliment by telling me that he had determined upon that step two years before, and had only waited that I might become thoroughly acquainted both with his situation and disposition, before he ventured to propose the alliance. I need not tell you, that I instantly accepted his proposal. But, as we both agreed that Laura is still too young, the final arrangements must be delayed for a year and a half."
Luckily it happened that the carriage was, at that moment, passing through one of those dark, narrow streets, which leave many parts of Paris in a continual state of obscurity. Had it not been so, I am convinced that the agony which his words inflicted could not have escaped the eyes of Monsieur de Villardin. It is impossible to describe all I felt at what appeared to me to be a cold and heartless sacrifice of the girl I loved to a man whom she had never yet beheld.
But little, either, could I reconcile such conduct with the deep and impassioned feelings which Monsieur de Villardin naturally possessed; though such unfortunately was, and is the universal method of arranging all transactions of the kind in France: and Laura's father, perhaps, never considered it possible that any other plan could be pursued to render his child more happy. Little did he know, indeed, what was passing in my heart as he spoke, or a new view of her situation must instantly have burst upon his sight, however impossible he might have felt it to break the engagements he had already formed. Nor did I attempt to alter his determination, well knowing that no change therein could work a benefit to myself. I replied nothing to his communication, except some incoherent words expressive of surprise; and after they had passed my lips, I remained in dark and bitter silence, revolving acts of madness and folly, which I hardly dare to think of even at this moment.
My feelings before had been all light and sunshiny--happiness itself compared to those which I now experienced. I cannot, indeed, say that I had forgot that Laura could become the bride of another; but, even while I knew and felt that she could never be mine, the image of her I loved as another man's wife had never presented itself to my mind. Now that it did rise up before me, it was too painful to be endured, and, from the sensations that I experienced during that day and the two that followed it, I gained my first full insight into all those passions which had torn and distracted Monsieur de Villardin himself during the week that had preceded the death of his unhappy wife.
To bring about my own death, or that of the Count de Laval, were, during that time, the only thoughts continually present to my mind, and the idea of the latter was certainly predominant for some time. As hours passed away, however, I began to remember that, even were my own hand to rid me of the rival that had thus sprung up, I should be still as far from hope as ever; and that, under whatever pretence I might seek a quarrel with him, and call him to the field, the act itself would be nothing short of murder in my own eyes, and the eyes of the Almighty, however the blind world might regard the deed.
Such feelings occupied me during the whole of that evening and night with such intensity, that I certainly forgot all form and ceremony. I remained silent, gloomy, abstracted; and both my little page and Monsieur de Villardin concluded that I was seriously ill. The next morning early I found a surgeon in my room, who, informing me that he had been sent for to attend me, felt my pulse and proposed to bleed me. Although I knew that the malady which affected me had nothing to do with my corporeal frame, and that, unless he could give medicine to my mind, the most skilful son of Esculapius could effect no ultimate cure upon me, yet I suffered him to do his will, and perhaps did feel relieved in some degree from the sort of burning headache which I experienced, as the blood flowed from the vein, and my frame began to grow weaker from the loss of that fluid which had been flowing like liquid fire through every limb.
As we were to set out for the army, however, at mid-day, I went in search of Monsieur de Villardin as soon as the operation was over; and, notwithstanding all his remonstrances, insisted upon accompanying him, declaring that I felt better for the bleeding, and should soon be quite well. Not long after, my commission arrived; and, having by this time given up all thought of making the Count de Laval the victim of my disappointment, I set out for the camp with the stern and gloomy determination of never returning from the field alive. I will do my duty, I thought, in every respect; and, by exposing myself on all occasions wherever danger is to be found, I shall surely at length be enabled to gain that fate, which will set these warring passions at rest for ever.
According to the rule which I have laid down for myself, I shall speak of the events of my military career as briefly as possible. Our regiment had been quartered in the neighbourhood of Senlis; and, as the inferior officers were generally steady and experienced, we found it already in marching order when we arrived. By this time, Turenne had determined to open the campaign by an attack upon some of the enemy's towns in Flanders, and--being joined at Condé by Monsieur de Villardin, with our own regiment and two or three others, which were now united under his command,--that great general first marched upon Tournay. Finding, however, that he had been deceived in regard to the state of preparation of that town, he instantly fell back upon Condé, and thence marched direct for Valenciennes, which was invested the night of his arrival.
Two redoubts were the only defences which obstructed our first approaches; and, having volunteered to attack them, I here made my first essay in that headlong and incautious plan of action, upon which I had determined as the means of winning both glory and the grave. However much the first object might be gained, I soon found that fate seemed capriciously resolved to disappoint me of the second. In forcing my way into the redoubts, through one of the most tremendous cross fires that ever I beheld, twenty or thirty of my men fell around me in every direction,--scarcely one of the whole storming party escaped without some injury; but, at the end of five minutes, I, who had been madly rash in every part of the action, found myself standing unhurt in the midst of the conquered redoubts, with nothing but death and destruction around me on every side. When the whole was settled, I returned towards the camp, and was immediately admitted to the presence of Monsieur de Turenne, who had watched the attack till the affair was decided, and who now, in the presence of his staff, gave me high praises for my conduct throughout the evening. The moment after, however, he added, "I wish to show you something, my young friend, which perhaps you can execute to-morrow morning--I will be back directly, gentlemen," he added, turning to the other officers, several of whom had risen to accompany him, but now paused at this intimation of his desire to go alone, and then taking his hat and cane, he led me to a little mound, at a short distance from his tent, where, being quite without witnesses, his whole aspect immediately changed, and he addressed me with a severe and frowning brow, "You have been rash, sir," he said, "extremely rash; and what is more, I perceive you know it. Remember, sir, that courage and temerity are as different as wit and impertinence, and that however much you may choose to expose your own person, you have no right to expose the troops of his Majesty."