- I was riding on the train, when suddenly there was an accident.
- There are two windows in each bedroom, thus insuring good ventilation.
- Yonder is the house which is my home.
- He saw that argument was useless, so he let her talk.
- His clothes were very old, making him look like a tramp.
[The Periodic Sentence]
A sentence is periodic when the completion of the main thought is delayed until the end. This delay creates a feeling of suspense. A periodic sentence is doubly emphatic: it has emphasis by position because the important idea comes at the end; it has emphasis by subordination because all ideas except the last one are grammatically dependent.
43. To give emphasis to a loosely constructed sentence, turn it into periodic form.
- Loose: I saw two men fight a duel, many years ago, on a moonlit summer night, in a little village in northern France. [What is most important, the time? the place? or the actual duel? Place the important idea last.]
- Periodic: Many years ago, on a moonlit summer night, in a little village in northern France, I saw two men fight a duel.
- Loose: We left Yellowstone Gateway for the ride of our lives in a six-horse tally-ho. [Place the important idea last, and make all other ideas grammatically subordinate.]
- Periodic: Leaving Yellowstone Gateway in a six-horse tally-ho, we had the ride of our lives.
- Loose: The river was swollen with incessant rain, and it swept away the dam. [Which is the important idea? Why not make it appear more important by subordinating everything to it?]
- Periodic: The river, swollen with incessant rain, swept away the dam.
- Loose: War means to have our pursuit of knowledge and happiness rudely broken off, to feel the sting of death and bereavement, to saddle future generations with a burden of debt and national hatred.
- Periodic: To have our pursuit of knowledge and happiness rudely broken off, to feel the sting of death and bereavement, to saddle future generations with a burden of debt and national hatred—this is war.
Exercise:
- I am happy when the spring comes, when the sun is warm, when the fields revive.
- He cares nothing for culture, for justice, for progress.
- As the boat gathered speed, the golden sun was setting far across the harbor.
- He amassed a great fortune, standing there behind his dingy counter, discounting bills, pinching coins, buying cheap and selling dear.
- The shattered aqueducts, pier beyond pier, melt into the darkness, from the plains to the mountains.
[Order of Climax]
44. In a series of words, phrases, or clauses of noticeable difference in strength, use the order of climax.
- Wrong order: He was insolent and lazy.
- Weak ending: Literature has expanded into a sea, where before it was only a small stream.
- Weak ending: As we listened to his story we felt the sordid misery and the peril and fear of war.
- Emphatic: He was lazy and insolent.
- Emphatic: The stream of literature has swollen into a torrent, expanded into a sea.
- Emphatic: As we listened to his story we felt the fear, the peril, the sordid misery of war.