5. Use question, exclamation, direct quotation.
- Somewhat flat: He asked me the road to Camden. I did not know. I told him to ask Thurber, who knew the country well.
- Better: He asked me the road to Camden. The road to Camden? How should I know? "Ask Thurber," I said impatiently; "he knows this country. I'm a stranger."
6. Avoid an excessive use of participles. Do not pile adjectives around every noun. Above all, do not form a habit of using adjectives in pairs or triplets.
- Bad: Sitting by the window, I saw a sharp, dazzling flash of lightning, and heard a loud rumbling crash of heavy thunder, warning me of the coming of the storm. Darting across the gray, leaden sky, the quick, jagged lightning flashed incessantly. The tall stately poplar trees thrashed around in the boisterous wind. Then across the window, like a great white curtain, swept the streaming, blinding rain.
- Right: I sat by the window. Suddenly a sharp flash of lightning and a roll of thunder gave warning of the approach of a storm. Soon lightning zig-zagged across the sky incessantly. The wind huddled the poplar trees. Then like a white curtain across the window streamed the rain.
Exercise:
- The parts of the tables are not put together at the factory, but the different parts are shipped in different shipments.
- In order to convince the reader that the present management of farms is inefficient, I shall give some examples of efficiency in the farm management on some farms with which I am acquainted.
- When one wishes to learn how to swim one must first become accustomed to the water. The best way to become accustomed to the water is to go into it frequently. After one has become accustomed to the water he may begin to learn the strokes.
- The Life of Sir Walter Scott, written by J. G. Lockhart, is an interesting biography of this great writer. It consists of a short biography by Scott himself, and also consists of a continuation of this biography by his son-in-law, J. G. Lockhart.
- If a piece of steel is kept hot for several seconds, it will lose some of its hardness. If kept hot longer, it will lose more of its hardness. Along with losing its hardness it will lose its brittleness. If the piece of steel is heated continually it will lose nearly all its hardness and brittleness. In other words, it will lose its "temper."
[49. EXERCISE IN EMPHASIS]
[A. Lack of Emphasis in General]
Make the following sentences emphatic.
- The man is a thief who fails in business but continues to live in luxury.
- The plant was withered and dry, not having been watered for over a week.
- Much time is saved in Chicago by taking the elevated cars, if you have a great distance to travel.
- The clock struck eleven, when he immediately seized his hat and left.
- These liberal terms should be taken advantage of by us.
- The study of biology has proved very interesting, as far as I have gone.
- Who is this that comes to the foot of the guillotine, crouching, trembling?
- They must pay the penalty. Their death is necessary. They have caused harm enough.
- I intend to get up fifteen minutes earlier, thereby giving myself time to eat a good breakfast.
- The book was reread several times, for I never grew tired of it.
- "What is the aim of a university education?" the speaker asked.
- A bicycle is sometimes ridden when a tire contains no air, total ruin resulting from the weight of the rim upon the flat tire.
- He sprang forward the instant the pistol cracked, since the start of a sprint is very important, and one cannot overdo the practicing of it.
- Sometimes the fuses fail to burn, or burn too fast, causing an explosion before the workmen are prepared for it.
- How father made soap was always a mystery to me. Cracklings saved from butchering time, lye, and water went into the kettle on a warm spring day and came out in the form of soap a few hours later, to my great astonishment.