- Bad: The autumn is my favorite of all the seasons. While autumn in the city is not such a pleasant season as autumn in the country, yet even in the city my preference will always be for the autumn.
- Right: My favorite season is autumn. I like it best in the country, but even in the city it is the best time of the year.
[b.] Avoid a monotonous repetition of sentence structure. To give variety to successive sentences: (1) vary the length, (2) vary the beginnings, (3) avoid a series of similar compound sentences, (4) interchange loose with periodic structure, (5) use rhetorical question, exclamation, direct discourse, (6) avoid an excessive use of participles or adjectives.
1. Vary the length of sentences.
- Bad: Walter came up the path carrying Betty in his arms. She was wet from head to toe. Damp curls clung to her pale face. Water dripped from her clothes. One hand hung loosely over Walter's arm. The other held a live duckling. She had saved the little duck from drowning. This was Betty's first day in the country.
- Right: Walter came up the path carrying Betty in his arms—little Betty who was spending her first day in the country. She was wet from head to toe; damp curls clung to her pale face, and water dripped from her clothes. In one hand she held a live duckling. Her face lighted with courage as she told how she jumped into the pond and saved the little duck from drowning.
2. Vary the beginnings of sentences. Do not allow too many sentences to begin with the subject, or with a time clause, or with a participle, or with so. When you have finished a composition, rapidly read over the opening words of each sentence, to see if there is sufficient variety.
- Bad [too many sentences begin directly with the subject]: Our way is circuitous. A sharp turn brings us round a rocky point. The road drops suddenly into a little valley. The roof of a house appears in a grove of trees below. A cottage is there and a flower garden. An old-fashioned well is near the door.
- Right: Presently, on our circuitous way, we make a sharp turn round a rocky point. Before us the road drops suddenly into a little valley. In a grove of trees below appears the roof of a house, and as we draw nearer we see a cottage surrounded by flowers. Nothing could be more attractive to a weary traveler than the old-fashioned well near the door.
3. Avoid a series of similar compound sentences, especially those of two parts of equal length, joined by and or but.
- Bad: Ring was a sheep dog, and tended the flock with his master. One day there came a deep snow, and the flock did not return. They found the herder frozen stiff, and the dog shivering beside him.
- Right: Ring was a sheep dog, and tended the flock with his master. One day there came a deep snow. When the flock failed to return, the men became uneasy, and began to search. They found the herder frozen stiff, with the dog shivering beside him.
4. Change occasionally from loose to periodic or balanced structure (See [43] and [45]).
- Monotonous: I stood at the foot of Tunbridge hill. I saw on the horizon a dense wood, which, in the evening sunlight, was veiled in purple haze [Loose]. On the left was the village, the houses appearing like specks in the distance [Loose]. Nearer on the right was the creek, winding through the willows [Loose]. The creek approached nearer until it reached the dam, over which it rushed tumultuously [Loose]. Near by was a thicket of tall trees, through which I could see the white tents of my fellow campers, and their glowing camp fires [Loose].
- Right: Far south from Tunbridge hill, on the dim horizon, I saw, veiled in the evening haze, a dense wood [Periodic, long, conveying the idea of distance better than a loose sentence]. On my left stood the village, the houses like specks; on my right wound the creek, nearer and nearer through the willows [Balanced]. The creek advanced by slow sinuous turns, until, reaching the dam, it plunged over tumultuously [Loose]. Through a thicket of tall trees, near at hand, I could see the white tents of my fellow campers, and their glowing camp fires [Periodic through the middle of the sentence; then loose].