Exercise:
- He kept digging away for gold through long years.
- Breaking against the shore, came innumerable waves.
- Sand, sagebrush, shimmering flat horizon. I could not endure the barren monotony of the desert.
- We want you to come and visit us, and bring along a good appetite and your customary high spirits. Plan to stay a long time.
- 'Twas bitter cold outside. The cat meowed until I had to let her in.
[Offensive Repetition]
Careless repetition attracts attention to words that do not need emphasis. It is extremely annoying to the reader.
[48a.] Unless a word or phrase is repeated deliberately to gain force or clearness, its repetition is a blunder. Get rid of recurring expressions in one of three ways: (1) by substituting equivalent expressions, (2) by using pronouns more liberally, (3) by rearranging the sentence so as to say once what has awkwardly been said twice. Each of these schemes is illustrated below.
1. Repetition cured by the use of equivalent expressions (synonyms).
- Bad: Just as we were half way down the lake, just off Milwaukee, we began to feel a slight motion of the ship and the wind began to freshen. The wind began to blow more fiercely from the south and the waves began to leap high. The boat began to pitch and roll.
- Right: Just as we were half way down the lake, opposite Milwaukee, we began to feel a slight motion of the ship, for the wind had freshened. Before long a gale, blowing from the south, kicked up a heavy sea and caused the boat to pitch and roll. [Notice how combining the last two sentences helps to solve the problem of the last began, besides giving firmer texture to the construction.]
2. Repetition cured by the use of pronouns. (In using this method, one should take care that the reference of the pronouns is clear.)
- Bad: The Law Building, the Commerce Building, and the Science Building are close together. The Commerce Building is south of the Law Building, and the Science Building is south of the Commerce Building. The Law Building is old and dilapidated. The Commerce Building is a red brick building, trimmed in terra-cotta. The Science Building resembles the Commerce Building.
- Right: The Law, Commerce, and Science Buildings are close together in a row. The first of these is old and dilapidated. South of it stands the Commerce Building, which, because of its red brick and terra-cotta trimmings, somewhat resembles the Science Building.
3. Repetition cured by rearranging and condensing.