I have been somewhat minute in detailing this circumstance; but it has always appeared to me, a very striking occurrence in Providence; for, in a very few minutes, the war vessels would have opened their broadsides upon the troops and batteries on shore; the troops in the boats would soon have been under the enemy's fire, and probably have effected a landing; and, if hostilities had once commenced, it is difficult to tell, but the enterprise might have been pushed, until Cadiz had been taken, and their fleet of war-ships captured or destroyed, unless the Spanish force had been too strong for us.
This event once more awakened me, by a sense of apparent danger. The prospect of having to contend with what troops might be in the field, and of having to attack fortified places, and the likelihood, that desperate efforts would be made to gain our purpose, before the Spaniards should have time to collect a large force in the field, made me apprehend that the undertaking was one of no ordinary danger. My conduct on this occasion was similar to what it had been on former occasions. I prayed for mercy and preservation. I still had no hope for eternity, but what was to arise out of future reformation of character, a reformation which was yet to begin. As formerly, I now again resolved to set about it:—but we left the bay of Cadiz on the 7th, and returned to Tetuan bay on the 12th, and part of the fleet put into Gibraltar: and the danger I had dreaded being thus past, the resolution it had excited was soon departed from.
But another danger of a different kind was at hand. On the 15th, the north-east wind had risen to a great height, so that our boats, which had gone with empty casks to get water, were obliged to return to the ship and leave their casks on shore; and the storm kept increasing as the evening drew on. At 8 o'clock at night the splice of our cable slipped, and we began to drift. As we had only one other anchor on board, which was not sufficient to ride the storm with, we endeavoured to put to sea. It was at a great risk that we effected this. We were in the midst of a large fleet, and were every moment in danger of running foul of one or other of the ships. With difficulty we got the fore-sail, and some of the stay-sails set, and, although the night was very dark, by the goodness of God, we got clear out from the fleet, and steered for Gibraltar. When we came there, as we passed by the stern of the Admiral's ship, we were ordered to pass through the Straits, and anchor on the west side of Barbary. We accordingly put about, and passed through the Straits before the wind, going at the rate of seven miles an hour, under our bare poles. We had a large flat bottomed boat at our stern, which the stormy weather did not permit us to hoist on board; and by day-light in the morning, there was nothing of it remaining but the keel with the ring-bolt, by which it was towed. Before day-break we had cleared the Straits of Gibraltar. We then set some sail, and stood off and on the Barbary coast, until the 17th, when, the weather moderating, we cast anchor. On the 18th, the weather cleared up, and we perceived a number of the fleet at anchor to windward of us, nearer the shore, at about 20 miles distance. We weighed anchor and beat to windward to join them; but the weather again got squally, and about one o'clock a squall overtook us, which carried away our main-top, and top gallant, and mizen top-gallant masts. We shortly after came to anchor near the fleet, and the weather becoming moderate, in the course of next day, we got our damages pretty well repaired, and received an additional anchor from the Ajax man of war. On the 23d we set sail; passed once more through the Straits of Gibraltar; anchored in Tetuan bay for the third time on the 26th; and after having completed our water, and received some more provisions, we sailed on the 8th Nov. for Minorca, to get our provisions and other ship stores completed.
We now began to hear that we were bound for Egypt. At this we were all very sorry, not knowing when we might return, or who might have the happiness of seeing their native country again. I had often read and heard of the dangerous nature of the climate of Egypt and of the disasters of the French army there by the plague. The prospect now before us made a strong impression on my mind. I became more serious; religion began to be more attended to by several, and a party for prayer and conversation was formed; but I was not one of the number, being too proud to associate with them.
We made the island of Minorca on the 16th; but the wind being strong and contrary, we did not get into the harbour until the 21st; and having obtained what we wanted, we set sail again on the 27th for Malta, where we arrived on the 6th December. The day we made the island was very fine, and as Malta was a place of note on various accounts, and amongst others, as being the place where the apostle Paul suffered shipwreck, I staid upon deck from the time we came in sight of it, which was in the morning, until we were anchored in the harbour. As we sailed along the island, I anxiously looked for the "place where two seas met." As we passed by the small island of Comena, the creek where the apostle says they thrust in the ship, was easily discerned. It bears now the name of St. Paul's bay, and the channels between Comena, Goza, and Malta, meet at it, which marks it as the place which Paul describes.
We left Malta on the 21st, and sailed for Marmorice bay in Asia. In our voyage, we coasted along the whole length of the south side of the island of Candia, which is ancient Crete, after which we came to the isle of Rhodes, which is only about 20 miles distant from the coast of Asia. I felt a more than usual interest in looking at those places, from what I had read of them in history, particularly from what is said of them in the Scriptures. Little did I think, in reading of them when a boy, that I should one day see them, or that I should do the duty of a soldier in the land of Egypt.
From Rhodes we steered direct for the opposite coast of Asia, and, entering into a passage of some length, between two high hills, we wondered where we were going, for we did not see any place in this opening fit for ships to lie in, and the land on both sides was rocky hills, covered with wood, (except where the rocks were completely bare of soil,) and appeared to be the habitations of wild beasts. When we arrived very near the head of the inlet, we were surprised to see a ship that was a little ahead of us, get out of our sight almost in an instant; but when we had got a little farther, we found a passage which turned to the right, round a very perpendicular hill, as suddenly as if it had been the corner of a street. Into this passage we sailed. It was but short, and in a few minutes we entered into one of the largest and finest bays, it is said, in the world. Here we cast anchor on the 29th December, 1800, and lay until the 23d February, 1801, making arrangements for our attacking the French in Egypt; procuring horses for the use of the artillery and cavalry: and cutting wood for fuel, and for making fascines and pallisades in case they should be needed after we landed. The bay is nearly surrounded with high hills, which, except in and about the small town of Marmorice, are covered with wood, in general very thick. There are great numbers of wild beasts in the woods, which make so much noise in the night time as to be heard over the whole bay. There was a small plain on one side of the bay, where we pitched tents for those that were sick; but there was a necessity to have a guard, to keep on fires in the rear of the tents, during the night; and some nights the noise of the wild beasts indicated their being so near the tents, that the sentinels fired to keep them at a distance. Some seamen belonging to one of the war ships, who were cutting wood at one place, ventured to stay all night on the shore; they were killed by the wild beasts before morning.
We were not long in this place until a market was erected on shore, and vessels from the adjacent coast soon found their way to it, with all kinds of fruit, and sheep and goats, and other useful articles; so that that part of the shore assumed the appearance of one of our country fairs. The soil around the bay is to all appearance fertile; but cultivation has been on the decline for a long time past, which has allowed the wood to extend, in several places, to the very shores. At some distant period the shores seem to have been better peopled, and the wood to have been farther back. I found the ruins of a house upon the top of a small eminence, pretty far back in the woods. The walls were partly standing; trees were growing out of the floor; a plot of ground, which had been levelled for a garden, still retained its shape, and had a fine spring of water running through it. Land turtle is in plenty in the woods.
I shall now return, to state what were the exercises of my mind during the passage up the Mediterranean, and while we lay in this bay.—A book upon the first principles of astronomy fell in my way. This gave me a new view of creation: and at the same time a treatise on Philology came into my hands, in which was a descant on the glory of God in the works of nature. I had undergone some very sharp convictions of sin, my mind had been strongly impressed with eternal things, and I had persuaded two of my comrades to join with me in prayer; which we did on several occasions, but fell off from it. After reading the above-mentioned books, and several volumes of the Spectator, my mind fell into a strange speculative frame, on the duty of the creature to glorify its Creator, let the Creator do what he will to the creature. I reasoned thus with myself:—That every thing that God did was wise and just, therefore it was our duty to glorify God for all that he did to us, whether it was in judgment or in mercy: did he deal with us in mercy—gratitude ought to lead us to glorify him: did he deal with us in judgment—it was our own sins that provoked him to do it: he did no more than what was just; and we were as really bound to glorify him for his justice, as for his mercy; and if we did not do so, we augmented our guilt. By reasoning in this way, I came at last to a fallacious and very dangerous conclusion, under the guise of wisdom. I concluded, that if I could not lessen what guilt was already contracted, neither altogether avoid contracting more, it would be wise to contract as little additional guilt as possible; and that, should God deal with me in justice, I must not complain and murmur; he is holy, just, and wise; he will not punish me above what I deserve; whatever he does with me, his creature, it becomes me to glorify his name, by a cheerful acquiescence in his divine procedure; yea, to glorify Him, should I be for ever damned. By doing this, I may possibly make hell more tolerable than otherwise it would be: if I can not escape his justice, by his not granting me mercy, let me behave in such a manner as may make the consequences of his wrath sit the lighter upon me.—I shudder to think on this part of my experience at this day; on the pain of mind with which it was accompanied, and the fallacious and dangerous opiate which the conclusion contained to lull my conscience asleep; for I did in consequence fall into a careless and listless state of mind. But, by the goodness of God, I was not allowed to remain long under it. It happened one day shortly after, that, from eating salt provisions, and from the extreme scantiness of water, I became exceedingly thirsty, and with great difficulty procured a little to drink. A thought then shot across my mind:—if I am so impatient under a temporary thirst, and so eager to procure relief, how shall I preserve my patience in hell?—if I am so unhappy under the pressure of so trivial a circumstance, how much more unhappy shall I be, if I be cast into everlasting burnings, where I shall not have one drop of water to cool my tongue! This broke the delusion, but it did not eradicate it.
An infectious fever broke out among us. It was at first slow in its progress, but after a short time it began to infect numbers. Our condition on board the Stately contributed towards it; for we had no hammocks, nor beds, but only our camp blankets to sleep in; we lay upon the under deck, and, when the weather was stormy, so much water leaked in by the edges of the ports, as made the lee side of the ship very wet. When she tacked, the water that was lying in the lee side would then run across the whole deck; and although we dried it the best way we could, yet we were so crowded that we were often under the necessity of lying down upon the damp deck. This was hurtful to us, causing us to feel stiff, and our bones sore; and although it did not produce the fever, (for it was introduced by some recruits who came on board at Malta,) it was, in my opinion, one cause of its spreading so rapidly at last.