To converse well requires more than mere information or knowledge, combined with a ready facility of expression. There must also be sound judgment and a good heart, for without these all other triumphs are hollow and delusive. Our conversation should be such as will be agreeable to others; the subject of it should be appropriate to the time, place and company, and we should avoid all bitterness, all thoughtless criticisms, all unseemly ridicule, and the heartlessness which wounds the feelings and disturbs the peace of those who listen to us,—and then our presence will be welcomed, and we shall diffuse pleasure and promote friendship. All the resources of tact and wisdom may be summoned into action in the exercise of our colloquial powers. An ancient philosopher made it a rule to divide the day into several parts, appointing each part to its proper engagement, and one of these was devoted to silence wherein to study what to say. What innumerable heart-burnings; what a multitude of quarrels; what a host of local feuds would be avoided, if this wise rule were universally followed!
When “Small-Talk” is Timely.
One of the first requisites of conversation is to have something worth saying. Lowell once said, “Blessed are they who have nothing to say, and cannot be persuaded to say it;” and another remarked, “There are few wild beasts to be dreaded more than a communicative man with nothing to communicate.” Clearly, this might be aimed at the small-talk habits of some.
Carlyle, in his rugged, vigorous style, expresses himself quite as strongly to the same point: “Thou who wearest that cunning, heaven-made organ, a tongue, think well of this: Speak not, I passionately entreat thee, till thy thought have silently matured itself, till thou have other than mad and mad-making noises to emit; hold thy tongue till some meaning lie behind it to set it wagging. Consider the significance of Silence; it is boundless,—never by meditating to be exhausted; unspeakably profitable to thee! Cease that chaotic hub-bub wherein thy own soul runs to waste, to confused suicidal dislocation and stupor; out of silence comes strength.”
The ground-work of conversation is knowledge of the subject under consideration, and without this words are but useless sounds. Yet there are conditions in which a vigorous flow of “small-talk,” we talk with no particular object or value. Live to enliven and keep in good humor, is most desirable.
Monopolizing Talkers.
An eminent clergyman once administered this rebuke to a young lady, who absorbed the entire time of the company by her small talk: “Madam, before you withdraw, I have one piece of advice to give you, and that is, when you go into company again, after you have talked half an hour without intermission, I recommend it to you to stop awhile, and see if any other of the company has anything to say.” There are few persons of such rare learning and ability that one can afford, when in their company, to be only a listener. There is a Chinese proverb that “a single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years’ study with books.” But how comparatively few good talkers there are, and how lightly is the art esteemed. And yet, will it not always be true that “Words fitly spoken are like apples of gold in pictures of silver?”
A Point on Being Well Dressed.
A celebrated English divine once said to a lady: “Madam, so dress and so conduct yourself, that persons who have been in your company shall not recollect what you had on.” To be well dressed does not necessarily mean that your apparel should be a copy of the latest whim of fashion, or made of the costliest material. That person is well dressed whose attire shows a suitableness to circumstances of time and place, and the position and means of the wearer. Neglect and inattention to the small externals of dress should be carefully guarded against.