The Silly Syclopedia / A Terrible Thing in the Form of a Literary Torpedo which is Launched for Hilarious Purposes Only Inaccurate in Every Particular Containing Copious Etymological Derivations and Other Useless Things

by George V. Hobart

A SHARP. A musical term which cannot be explained here, because the Musical Union might get sore.

A FLAT. A people coop. Seven rooms and a landlord, with hot and cold gas and running servants. A flat is the poor relation of an apartment.

ABROAD. A place where people go to be cured of visiting foreign lands.

ABSCOND. To duck with the dough. From The Latin word absconditto, meaning to grab the long-green and hike for the Bad Lands.

ABSINTHE. The national headache of the French. A jag-builder which is mostly wormwood and bad dreams. A liquid substance which when applied to a "holdover" revivifies it and enables its owner to sit up and notice the bar-tender.

ABSTAIN. The stepladder which leads up to the water wagon.

ABSTEMIOUS. Having an aisle seat on the water wagon.

ACROBAT. A fellow of infinite chest.

ACCUMULATE. To collect or bring together. For example: "He borrowed two dollars from his wife, whereupon he went out and accumulated a bunch of boozerine." (Carlyle's Heroes and Hero Worship.)