"Very true. But don't interrupt me, Tom, now I am on the subject of ghosts. Among the manifest advantages of being a ghost is one which above all others is deserving of especial consideration. A ghost can see a person's thoughts. Being fond of sweet things, ghosts experience great pleasure in watching the thoughts of ladies who are meditating upon their absent lovers. When a young maiden is thinking about her lover who is far away, her thoughts wander off to him and return, looking as sweet as little bees with their legs laden with honey leaving a field of fragrant clover and coming home to the hive. And if any poor fellow has a sweetheart, and is not certain whether she cares a fig for him or not, he should not be sitting all day in the dumps and looking as sulky as a bear with a sore head. Just let him make a ghost of himself, and he will be able to see down to the very bottom of her gizzard; and if she cares anything about him, her thoughts will look like lumps of candy-kisses, labeled with poetry and wrapped up in blue paper."
"I wouldn't mind being a ghost myself," said Seddon.
"In order that you might have a peep at the musings and meditations of pretty Ida? But you blush, Tom."
"Nonsense, Toney. Go on with your story about Dobbs. I am much interested in the poor fellow's fate."
"Well, Dobbs had an intuitive perception of the advantages which I have mentioned; and so he ardently desired to be a ghost. But seeing no chance of soon being promoted to a ghostship, and not being able to ascertain the sentiments of Susan while he remained in the flesh, he was finally compelled to leave her in the hands of the mystic brotherhood. In his solitary home be now began to brood over his misfortune. He came to the conclusion that a bachelor is much in the condition of an ownerless dog,—nobody caring whether he is brought home dead or alive; while if a Benedict even barks his shins, he has some one to sympathize with him and soothe him with caresses, which check his inclination to utter profane exclamations and enable him to endure the severe trial with manly fortitude. So, after much meditation, Dobbs determined that as he was not permitted to obtain an angel for love, he would see if he could not get a woman for money. Immediately subsequent to the adoption of this wise resolution he was on a visit to one of our metropolitan towns, and while walking the street observed in large letters over a door the words Families Supplied Here. Dobbs came to the conclusion that it was the very place he was looking for. So he walked in and asked a surly giant who seemed to have charge of the establishment, if he could furnish him with——"
"An angel and seven sweet little cherubs?"
"Not so. Perhaps the state of his finances did not admit of so extravagant a purchase. He simply asked if he could furnish him with a wife and a couple of children, either girls or boys,—he was not particular which they were."
"I suppose that his moderate demand was complied with?"
"I am sorry to say that it was not. Persons are liable to be misunderstood. The big fellow was in an ill humor, and supposed that Dobbs wanted to make game of him. He replied in rude and insulting language, and aimed several imprecations at his customer's organs of vision. Dobbs's blood began to boil, and he reciprocated the shopkeeper's compliments in synonymous terms. Then he suddenly saw a multitude of stars before his eyes and found himself in a recumbent position on the floor. Dobbs went home looking very much like a man who had inadvertently overturned a bee-hive and seriously irritated its inhabitants. His sad experience caused him to abandon all hope of obtaining a wife either for love or for money."
"And so the Mystic Order of Seven Sweethearts baffled poor Dobbs in his efforts to adorn his domicile with an angel and seven sweet little cherubs! But what became of Susan?"