Then she reviewed all she knew of him; and his present conduct, if he were by this avoidance trying to punish her for doing what it was the prerogative of her native independence to do, did not seem in accordance with his known regard for the rights of others.
Aurora did not know what to think. From hour to hour she looked for a call, a message, a letter, and because the time while waiting seemed long, she neglected to note that the actual time elapsed was not more than Gerald had sometimes allowed to pass without her attributing his silence to offence. He had his work, he had other friends; Abbé Johns might be in town again visiting him. This silence, 268however, had a different value, she thought, from other silences. They had seemed so much better friends after their confidences that long evening over the fire; she expected more of him than she had done before it.
At other moments she was disposed to find fault with herself. She supposed she was a big coarse thing, unable to appreciate the feelings of a man who apparently hadn’t as many thicknesses of skin as other folks.
It was at such a moment, when she made allowances for him, that she thought of writing, making it easy for him to drop his grouch and return. But here Aurora felt a difficulty. Aurora thought well, in a general way, of her powers as a letter-writer, and she was proud of her beautifully legible Spencerian hand; but for such a letter as she wished to send Gerald fine shades of expression were needed beyond what she could compass. She was fond of Gerald; in this letter she must not be too fond, yet she must be fond enough. What hope that a blockhead would strike the exact middle of so fine a line?
She could obviate the difficulty by sending him a formal invitation to dinner. But suppose she should receive formal regrets?
After that the whole thing must be left to him; the tactful letter meant to hurry him back would no longer be possible.
“Oh, bother!” said Aurora, and formed a better, bolder plan.
Aurora had not seen the plays, had not read the books, where the going of the heroine to visit the hero at his house for whatever good reason under the sun has such damaging results for her fair fame. Aurora was innocent of good society’s hopeless narrowness on the subject. If she made 269a secret of her plan to Estelle it was merely because Estelle had permitted herself wise words one day, warnings, with regard to Gerald, in whom she specifically did not wish her friend to “become interested.”
“You’re too different,” Estelle had said. “You’re like a fish and a bird. I won’t say I don’t like him. He’s nice in a way, but it’s not our way, Nell. You’d be miserable with him, first or last.”
“My dear,” Aurora had replied, “if you knew the sort of thing we talk about when you’re not there you wouldn’t worry. If you can see Gerald Fane in the part of my beau you must be cracked. And if you think I’m soft on him, you’re only a little bit less cracked. Can’t you see we’re just friends? It’s nice for him to come here and it’s nice for us to have him. We want friends, don’t we?”