And mould it like my Saviour’s own.”
Was it all mere humbug and “patter”? The question can best be answered by quoting the following letter to her Father. It is written impulsively in pencil on scraps of paper,—the questions and answers being on different slips. The wording of the questions has sometimes been altered and corrected, so presumably she drafted them herself. The little sheaf has been thrust “anyhow” into an envelope (addressed to Mrs. T. Jex-Blake) which bears postmark “Ramsgate, Ap. 21. 1851,” and Mrs. Jex-Blake has quaintly endorsed it “very nice.”
“My dearest Father,
I fear you are very uneasy about me for I have indeed manifested no visible proof of a new and clean heart, but I think much of my soul too much for me to speak even to you of it. But I cannot talk so whenever anyone tries to talk to me of it I always turn it into jest but I must write (I cannot speak) to you about it so I have written some questions down and endeavoured to answer them as before God. So do believe each word.
S. B.
1. If you died this instant what would become of you? And could you face death unflinchingly?
I know not what would become of me but I fear I should go to eternal torments. And do not think I could face death unflinchingly for this reason.
2. What would be your first emotion when you found yourself in the presence of the Judge of quick and dead?
Fear I think but yet I think that I should claim Jesus’ promises to lost sinners.
3. If Christ came this night and asked you ‘Lovest thou me’ what would be your answer?