Paul the fourth, standing one day in a great musing in the presence of Cardinal Campeggio, was ask’d by him, Why he stood so pensive? The Pope answer’d, I am thinking whether you (who perhaps may be my Successour) are likely to be richer than my self.
Sixtus Quintus, who was one of the greatest Popes that the Vatican ever saw, had no other fault, but that he spent most hours of the day in devising what might be done to bring money into his Chests. And he seems to have died with the same thoughts in his head; for being ask’d by the Venetian Embassadour, two daies before his death, How he did? He answered, I should be much better, if I had more money to spend.
Urban the eighth, in the war he had with the Duke of Parma, and other confederate Princes, lost no little reputation, in attempting the destruction of a Prince so well deserving of the Church, and hazarding the safety of all Italy; yet he car’d not so much for the dishonour which the Church receiv’d in his person, nor for the great murmur of the people, as for the money disburs’d in it; lamenting the same often with his Nephews, and reproving them for having engaged him in a War of so great expence: as if the loss of money made deeper impression in the Pope’s heart, than the detriment of the Church and of Christendom.
Most of the Pope’s Nephews call the hours wherein they give Audience to Embassadours, hours of poverty, and of misery; because they cannot at those times think how to advance their Houses: and therefore they strive to shift them off as much as possible, and many times they promise all before ’tis ask’d, only to be at their liberty.
Some will not allow it to be meerly charity in Alexander, to assume to himself the load of all Civil Affairs of importance; but only a design to lighten his Nephews of it, and leave them more time to bestow on contrivance to fill their Coffers.
Better perhaps ’twould be for the Church, and the State too, if all Popes would do the like; for to lay the weight of great affairs upon such weak shoulders, is to confound their understandings, and put them in danger of shaming themselves by discovering their addle brains in business: As a good Nephew did in discourse with the French Embassadour about the number of Protestants in France; for meaning to say, How many Hereticks are there in France? He mistook, and said, How many Pistols are there in France? Which errour the Embassadour well observing, and knowing the Cardinal Nephew more intent on the money of his Coffers than the benefit of the Church, he answer’d, The King my Master hath not so many Hereticks in his Kingdom, as he hath Pistols in his Exchequer.
’Tis not 2000 Ages, since a certain Pope’s Nephew said to a familiar friend of his, who brought him notice, that the Spanish Embassadour was coming to negotiate with him: These Embassadours bring us business, and not money, talking all day long with us so tediously, as if we were slaves, and not (Padroni) Masters of the Church and State.
The same Cardinal, as often as he return’d to his Chamber from accompanying the publick Ministers (who had visited him) to the door, as the custom is, would fall into a passion, and scornfully say to his Servants: I have lost two hours time with this pitiful Embassadour, and he has gain’d some with me; if any other come, say I am not at home.
But worse was that other, (not long since dead) who, as much as he could, avoyded the audience of such Ministers, sometimes pretending indisposition, and sometimes that he was not at home; which the Pope his Uncle understanding ask’d him the reason, Why he did so? The Cardinal answer’d plainly, Whilst I am with Embassadours, my Coffers fill with nothing but wind; but when I am alone, they fill with money.
The same good Nephew had another custome, that when notice was given of the arrival of an Embassadour at the Gate, he would in displeasure cry, I would his neck were broke. But when ’twas told him that an Officer of the Datary (that is, the Exchequer) was at the door, he would cry with joy, He is welcome.