"This widow was discharged by my deceased father, and it was proposed to him to take a captain's wife, who was in repute for her housekeeping and cleverness in other ways; then my deceased father thought he had provided well for us. But she was an unchristian woman, and did not forget her soldier tricks. For once, when she saw some strange turkeys on the road, she had them driven to the house; seized the best, and drove the others away. To cook this stolen roast she wished to have some dry wood, and in order to obtain this sent me to a square tower, five stories high. There had been a pigeon-house under the roof, where loose dry boards were lying, some of which I was to fetch. When I had thrown down some, and was trying to tear away one that was still firm, I was thrown back and fell down two stories on to a flight of steps, and had I turned myself round I should have fallen two stories more. I lay there about half an hour in a swoon, and when I came to myself did not, at once, know how I came there; I stood up and felt that I was very faint. I went down the staircase, and laid myself on a bed that stood in a room in this same tower, on which my deceased father used to sleep when he was at home. There I slept some hours, and when I got up was quite fresh and sound. But during the whole of this time there were no inquiries made after me; and when I said that I had fallen I was only scolded for not having been more prudent. I sat apart, for I would not eat of the stolen roast; it appeared to me truly disgraceful, and yet I had not courage to say so.
"When I was in my eleventh year my deceased sister, who was three years older than me, was sent to the pastor to be instructed for her confirmation. Then a strong desire came over me to go with her, but my deceased father would not allow me, as I was only ten years old. I persisted, however, till my father gave his consent, if his reverence the pastor should consider me fit for it. This latter had me brought to him, questioning me not only as to the words, but also concerning the sense of what I read. But God gave me such grace in answering that his reverence the pastor was well content, and admitted me.
"Some time afterwards my sister went to Stuttgart, and I had to take upon me the housekeeping, and to render an account of everything, which was very difficult for me; because my deceased father, whenever he came home, treated me with great severity, and called me to account for all that was broken, or in any way not to his mind, and I was often severely punished when I was innocent.
"Owing to this, such servile fear took possession of me, that I shuddered whenever I heard a voice that resembled that of my father. Concerning this I breathed forth many sighs to my God; but, when he was away again, I became in good spirits, and sang and danced in gladness of heart. I had at the same time a thorough aversion to everything that was unseemly or childish, and would not have anything to do with the games of marriages and christenings, and the like, of other girls, for I was ashamed of them.
"When twelve years old I was taken to court to the Countess von Solms-Rödelheim. She was about to be confined, and was sometimes not right in her mind; when I went, however, she was tolerably well. But soon after, she was confined and had two children, a young gentleman and a lady, and became worse from day to day, so that she often took me for her dog, which was a little lion-dog, called me by his name, and beat me like him. It happened frequently that we drove in the water, for in the winter time the meadows between Frankfort and Rödelheim were quite overflowed with water, so that it entered the carriages; then the carriages were driven empty, but we went in a boat and got in again when we came to the end of the water. When we thus drove she often pushed me into the water; I was to swim as her little dog, but the Most High preserved me. Once I discovered that she had taken a knife with a sheath out of her cupboard, and put it in her pocket. I mentioned it to the maidservant, who was rather elderly, but she would not listen to me; and thought the countess had no knife, and it was childishness in me. There was a door from the bedroom of the countess into our room, and another into that of the count. Now when night came I would not lie down for thinking of the knife; but the maid was angry with me, and threatened to tell the count how childishly I behaved; but I would only lie down on the bed with my clothes on. In the night, hearing a great disturbance, I woke up every one and rose from bed. Then the count was heard running out of the room; and forth came the countess, with a night-light and the bare knife in her hand. When she saw us all awake, she became terrified and let the knife fall; then I sprang towards her as if I wished to reach her the knife, but I ran with it out of the door and down the stairs in the dark. When I was on the stairs I heard the count call out, 'Where is my wife?'--to whom I answered that I had got the knife; but I was so frightened that I would not trust myself to turn back again, but went into a hall, which is called the giant hall and is very gloomy, and there I remained. But the maid, who was a serf of the countess's mother, from Bohemia, went off and did not return. So I was left some weeks alone with the countess, and had to dress and undress her, which was very hard upon me.
"But my deceased father happened to hear from others that I was in such danger, and took me away. After this I went at about fifteen years old to the Duchess of Holstein, born Landgravine of Hesse, who had married Duke Philipp Ludwig, of the Suderburg family. The duke had by a first marriage a daughter, who had just married the Count von Zinzendorf, president of the Imperial chamber. I was taken as maid of honour to this royal bride; her woman of the bedchamber was a von Steinling, who was thirty years of age. Immediately after my arrival, the journey to Lintz, where the marriage was to take place, was begun. We went by the Danube, and very jovial it was; the drums and trumpets sounded beautiful on the water, and everywhere throughout the journey we were splendidly received; the preparations having been made by those who had been sent to fetch the bride. It was very joyful to me after my former terror, and I had no anxieties except the thought that my soul might suffer, because I was going to a popish place. Whenever we came to a resting-place, I looked out for a chamber where there was no one else, fell on my knees and prayed that God would prevent everything that might be injurious to my salvation. The chamber-maid of the bride remarked how I retired apart, and slipt after me once to see what I did alone, for she still looked upon me as very childish, because I was small. When, however, she found me praying on my knees, she went quietly back without my knowing that she had seen me. But once, when the royal bride inquired whether I ever prayed, the woman of the bedchamber answered that they need have no anxiety about me. Now when we came to Lintz, the marriage took place at the Imperial castle, and everything went off grandly. The following day the royal bride went to the chapel of the castle, and there a blessing was pronounced upon her, and a goblet full of wine was given; this was called the Johannis blessing, and of this she and the count were to partake. Now, after the marriage was celebrated, when every one was to settle down in their proper places, there arose a dispute among the authorities concerning me. The Count von Zinzendorf said that he would only admit the lady of the bedchamber (as the noble maidens were then called) to his table; that the others must have their meals with the 'hoffmeisterin.' This the duke would not consent to, as he said that she was only from the burgher class, whereas I was of an old family, and not inferior to the others, and he could not permit that such a distinction should be made between us, especially as I was his wife's goddaughter.
"As this, however, was of no avail, it was determined that I should return with the duchess, and when the reason was explained to me, it appeared to me quite wonderful, for it was my wish to have my meals along with the 'hoffmeisterin,' rather than at the prince's table. But I did not know that God had so ordained it in his mercy, and that my poor prayers had been so graciously listened to; for after the course of some years the princess and all the persons who had accompanied her, fell away to the Popish religion. But at the time I was much troubled to be obliged to return; I thought they might imagine I had not comported myself right, and I also feared to be brought again under the severe discipline of my father.
"But the Duke of Holstein had obtained Wiesenburg from Saxony, which was about ten miles from Leipzig and one from Zwickau, and dwelt there, so it pleased the duchess to keep me with her. I practised myself in all kinds of accomplishments, so that I was much liked; in dancing, too, I excelled others, so that these vanities were dear and pleasing to me; I had also a real liking for splendid dress and the like trifles, because it became me well, and I was much commended by every one. Never did any one tell me that it was not right, but, on the contrary, praised me for these vanities, and considered me godly because I liked to read and pray, and went to church and was often able to give a good account of all the main points of the sermon; I even knew what had been preached upon the same text the preceding year. I was looked upon as a godly maiden both by spiritual and worldly persons, yet I pursued my course with worldly thoughts, and was not really a true follower of Christ.
"Then it was ordained by God's mercy that the son of a lieutenant-colonel, of the family of Brettwitz, fell in love with me; and when, through the medium of his father, he asked me in marriage of my royal master and mistress, and of my deceased father, they all replied yes; but that he must first serve a year as a cornet, and then have his father's company, who was lieutenant-colonel under the Elector of Saxony. Now when he went forth to the war, I heard from others that he did not lead a godly, but a worldly life; then I was secretly troubled and threw myself on my face before God, and prayed that either his spirit or our engagement might be changed. But I did not know that the Most High had brought this to pass, that I might be preserved from other noble marriages, for I was then still very young, and had many opportunities of marrying, all of which I escaped through this betrothal, though on his side he had thought of many others, and engaged himself here and there in that foreign country. This lasted several years, during which I experienced much secret sorrow, which threw a damp over the pleasures of the world. In the course of these years, Brettwitz was always changing his mind, fixing his thoughts upon others, and when nothing came of it, he turned again to me, and wrote about constancy, all which I committed to the Most High, and sought to unite myself closer to God. Hence much refreshment from the Holy Scriptures was imparted to me, sometimes in sleep through holy dreams, in which I powerfully spoke out the words of Scripture, and thereupon awoke, so that my companion, who had a godly heart, was often sore troubled that she could not experience the like. I always comforted her by saying that she should regard me as a child that required to be enticed by her father, but that she was so confirmed in faith she would have no need of such enticement. And this came from my heart, for I saw well that my joyous spirit drew me to the world, but my God drew me again to Him by his love.
"At last he who had been so changeable came home and visited our Court. But my spiritual condition did not please him, because he thought so much Bible reading would not befit a soldier's wife: he would have been glad if I would have renounced him, as his father knew of a rich marriage for him in Dresden, if he could with decency free himself from me; but he did not like to be called faithless, so he would fain have thrown the blame upon me. I remained quiet, however, and did not mind him, but trusted to my Heavenly Father, who would order all aright. Now there was one, named von Fresen, who would fain have warned me, thinking I did not observe that the said Brettwitz was not acting uprightly; so he wrote me a letter, for he had no opportunity of speaking to me, as I was always with my duchess in her room. This letter fell into the hands of the said Brettwitz, who thought to find therein great evidence upon which to accuse me, either of having an affection for another, or of courting others. His father, who was then present, also thought that it would be a good opportunity, and that they might with a good grace enter upon the rich marriage; so he went to the duke and showed him the letter as proof that others were wooing me, and therefore his son neither could nor would entertain any further hopes of me, but would seek happiness elsewhere. It vexed the duke much to hear such things of me, who had hitherto, to their great astonishment, repelled all advances. It grieved me much that my royal master and mistress should thus think of me. But when I went to my room weeping, the words came into my mind, 'What I do thou knowest not now, but thou shalt know hereafter;' from these I derived consolation. When on the following day the letter was read correctly, it appeared that in it the writer complained that he had never been able to gain an opportunity of speaking with me, and declaring his honourable love, and that I kept myself in reserve for a person who was false, rejecting the love of others. Thus it became known that I was innocent, and the Brettwitzes could not get out of it in that way. The duke and duchess then asked me what my wishes were, as it must now be decided. Then I begged that Brettwitz might not be driven to marry me. Thereupon the said von Brettwitz sent two cavaliers to me in order to learn how I was minded towards him, and whether he was still to wait some time for his happiness. But I gave him liberty, as far as I was concerned, to seek his happiness where he liked; for I felt no longer bound to retain my affection for one so faithless, who, if possible, would have made me out guilty of want of fidelity. Thereupon he paid me the false compliment of saying that he regretted the misunderstanding: and it was then settled that he was to make no further pretensions to me. The rich marriage, however, did not take place, and later he became paralytic.