Suicide. A belated acquiescence in the opinion of one’s wife’s relatives.
Sunday. A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.
Sunday School. A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
Surgeon. One bribed heavily by the patient to take the blame for the family doctor’s error in diagnosis.
Temptation. An irresistible force at work on a movable body.
Thanksgiving Day. A day devoted by persons with inflammatory rheumatism to thanking a loving Father that it is not hydrophobia.
Theology. An effort to explain the unknowable by putting it into terms of the not worth knowing.
Tombstone. An ugly reminder of one who has been forgotten.
Truth. Something somehow discreditable to someone.