University. A place for elevating sons above the social rank of their fathers. In the great American universities men are ranked as follows: 1. Seducers; 2. Fullbacks; 3. Booze-fighters; 4. Pitchers and Catchers; 5. Poker players; 6. Scholars; 7. Christians.
Verdict. The a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars.
Vers Libre. A device for making poetry easier to write and harder to read.
Wart. Something that outlasts ten thousand kisses.
Wealth. Any income that is at least $100 more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.
Wedding. A device for exciting envy in women and terror in men.
Wife. One who is sorry she did it, but would undoubtedly do it again.
Widower. One released on parole.
Woman. Before marriage, an agente provocateuse; after marriage, a gendarme.
Women’s Club. A place in which the validity of a philosophy is judged by the hat of its prophetess.