Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living / Some Things That All Sane People Ought to Know About Sex Nature and Sex Functioning; Its Place in the Economy of Life, Its Proper Training and Righteous Exercise

by H. W. Long

And so, in this first part of the act, the one foremost thought to remember and observe is, take plenty of time!

There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time should be extended, especially when she is a bride and inexperienced in these matters, and that is, that her "innocence," and all her education, make her feel that she is doing wrong, or at least permitting a wrong thing to be done, and this holds back the proper growth of her passion, hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flow of the precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly prepared for her share of the mutual act.

Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her coming into a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost common cause for her failing to be in readiness for meeting her husband. All of which items must be taken into account by both husband and wife, and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the best results for both parties are attained.

As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will be made of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance for the time being, because its consideration can be better provided for after some other points have been studied.

Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as understood) direction as to what to do by way of preparation for the act of coitus is: do as lovers do when they are "courting." And everybody knows what that is! And note this—that nobody ever hurries when they are courting! They delay, they protract, they dilly-dally, they "fool around," they pet each other in all sorts of possible and impossible ways. They kiss each other—"long and passionate kisses, they again and again give and receive"—they hug each other, nestle into each other's arms—in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the cold-blooded call nonsense or foolishness, but which all lovers know is an unspeakable delight ("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to talk when these blissful experiences are going on!).

Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless supply, should always precede the act of coitus. It is right there that this part of the first act of this wonderful four-act drama or play should be wrought out, and if they are omitted or disregarded, the play will end in tragedy, with all the leading actors left dead upon the stage!

Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the supreme act of married life is not always preluded in this way is found in the false view of what the marriage ceremony means, and a wrong impression as to what it confers upon the parties who say "yes" to its prescriptions. That is, the common idea is, that the taking of "marriage vows" bestows certain rights and imposes certain duties upon the new husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makes certain acts right which would otherwise be wrong, and that it establishes the right to engage in such acts, with or without any further consultation or consent in the premises. It makes love a matter of contract, a something bound by promise and pledge rather than a free and unfettered effusion of the soul.

The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage ceremony both the man and woman take the utmost care to do everything in their power to increase, magnify, and retain each other's love, after they have been granted a "license," and the minister has put their hands together and prayed over them—after this, they both think they have a "cinch" on each other, that they are bound together by a bond that cannot be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further looking after, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and which may therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of its pronouncement! Nothing could be further from the truth than this is. And yet it is a common feeling and belief among young married people!

Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of the marriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact that marriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of its original status yet remains—all these things tend to establish these wrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of the parties to it.

Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage all confined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they are about evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a few illustrations, as follows: