The Thistle and the Cedar of Lebanon

by Habeeb Risk Allah

When the son is about twelve years of age, his parents begin to look about them to choose out from amongst the neighbours a suitable wife for their first-born. This is an arduous undertaking, and the son is often consulted as to whether he has any particular choice amongst his playmates and companions. Sometimes he has, sometimes he leaves all to the good judgment of his mother, always, however, stipulating, that the girl must be young, pretty, and good-tempered. Old women who go from house to house with trinkets and other articles to sell are sometimes commissioned by the mothers to look out for such eligible objects. If they know any party likely to suit, they acquaint the mother. They next find out when the maiden attends

the bath, and inform their employer, who goes there at the same time, and if, upon seeing the girl, she thinks her likely to suit her son, she contrives to make her acquaintance. The old woman also, on her part, mentions the youth to the maiden and her family with the greatest possible praise, and the affair may be considered accomplished. The choice having thus fallen upon some one or other, and the preliminaries arranged, the dower to be paid for her settled, handkerchiefs bought, rings ordered, and a choice party of intimate friends invited, who, accompanied by the priest, repair to the house of the intended bride’s father. Sometimes the girl is brought into the room closely veiled, the young lad being present also—vows, and rings, and presents, are exchanged—the priest pronounces his blessing—the pair are betrothed, and from that day till the wedding takes place, become utter strangers to each other. They may have been bosom companions only the day before, romping with each other from early childhood, but the moment that the betrothal had taken place, there is an inseparable barrier to their meeting or conversing again till the church shall have pronounced them man and wife. This generally lasts six months, but sometimes mere children are engaged, and then they have to wait till both have arrived at years of maturity before they can get married. It seldom, if ever, happens, excepting, of course, in cases of death, that these betrothals are put aside or broken, the church considering the vows then pledged as binding on either side as the marriage vow itself.

In order to give my readers some idea of an Oriental courtship, I will quote the account which my friend, the well known Assaad Kajah gives of his own:—“I went to my friend H. Khooja Hahib Giammal, a liberal and

enlightened gentleman. He allowed his beautiful eldest daughter to hand me the sherbet, and the moment I saw her, as we say in our Eastern language, ‘a thousand of my vertebræ got broken,’ and she took my heart with her when she left the room. I knew I was a favourite with her father, and I returned home resolved not to delay making my proposals.

“I told my father the state of my heart, and requested him to take a diamond ring and a fine white handkerchief, the emblem of betrothment, to the father of the damsel, and entreat him to allow me the joy of being betrothed to his daughter Martha. With a view to shew that I acted on the impulse of my own heart, and not merely by the guidance of my parents, I followed the example of our Patriarch ‘Isaac’ in the case of his beloved ‘Rebekah’ (Genesis xxiv. 22). I therefore sent to my own beloved ‘a golden ear-ring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold.’ Thus, the ancient custom of upwards of three thousand years old is retained by the people; and a Syrian does not inquire what a purse his bride is to have, but whether his Rebekah is such a one as was brought up like Nahor’s Milcah; their popular proverb is this: ‘Khud alasseil walanah alhassir,’ ‘Take the one of good root (i.e., of good parents), though she may be on a mat’ (that is, though her parents may have no more furniture in their dwelling than a mat).

“My beloved father, in his kind way, took my message, and with a beating heart I waited for the answer. In about an hour he returned, and said, smiling, ‘Assaad, all thy affairs seem to go smoothly.’”

I am continually asked by my fair friends the number of wives I have left in Syria; my reply is, that I am

not married, though I fervently hope some bright day to crown my earthly bliss with an English wife; the ladies seemed quite incredulous on my informing them, that only one is permitted by our law. The Mahommedan religion, it is true, admits of four lawful wives, besides concubines; but I can confidently assert, that the majority even of Mussulmans have but one wife. Possibly, in default of issue, another may be taken—this, however, is the exception, not the rule; and though polygamy has existed to a greater or less extent in the East since the days of the Psalmist David, and his son, the wise King Solomon, still where it is mostly practised now-a-days is amongst the wild Arab tribes, south of Gaza and the Nosairiyeh. Of these latter I have known an instance of a man marrying two wives on the same day, both young maidens, from different villages. But amongst the Turks the practice is anything but prevalent; in proof of which I may quote as instances, the late Grand Vizier Aali Pasha, the former one, Reschid Pasha, and Cabuli Effendi, the present talented Secretary for Foreign Affairs, and most of the leading Turkish gentlemen who have resided in Christian countries, have but one wife. As a proof of this I will relate an amusing story current in the East:—

A certain Mahomedan had two wives, one of these occupied the lower, the other the upper, chamber of the house in which he lived. To prevent as much as possible all appearance of undue preference, he made it his rule to visit them alternately. The communication between the upper story and the ground floor was by a short ladder. One evening as he proceeded to mount this precarious staircase, in order to visit his beloved above, his down stairs wife immediately vociferated, that his memory had failed him, and that, in the due course

of things, he had to remain with her. This the husband denied, and continued to mount the steps of the ladder. In despair, and still protesting loudly her right, the lady flew to the ladder, and the moment his head emerged into the floor of the upper chamber, seized her husband by the legs and arrested his further progress. The lady up-stairs, however, who had now got an inkling of the contest, and fearful on her part of being outwitted, rushed to the top of the ladder, and while the lady beneath was partly succeeding in pulling the unfortunate man down by the legs, suddenly seized him by that tuft of hair which is left on the head of every true believer, pulled as vigorously as her rival though in an opposite direction. While they tugged at their victim alternately, and doubt seemed to hang over victory, and it even appeared possible that the contested property might be rent in sunder between them, accompanied with all those noisy vociferations with which the fair sex are accustomed to conduct their combats, especially in the East, a thief introduced himself into the house, and was an unperceived spectator of the scene.