To describe the excess of my grief on this occasion would be altogether impossible. Those, only, who have formed the highest ideas of friendship, and have considered their earthly happiness as dependent upon the life of one beloved object, on whose judgment they relied, and in whom they found comfort and support in every difficulty and affliction, can form an adequate idea of what I felt on this occasion; which led me to exclaim,
And is she dead! My life, my all is gone.
The world’s a desert. Nothing now on earth
Can yield me joy, or comfort.
The death of my beloved sister made me feel almost alone in the world. Our joys and sorrows, and all our interests were so closely blended, that I nearly identified her existence with my own. Everything appeared gloomy in my situation. My health was feeble; I was entirely destitute of property; my father’s circumstances were very low; and I had no other relation or friend from whom I might expect to derive assistance. But notwithstanding all the difficulties in my situation, I determined to use every possible exertion to help myself; considering that, if I was unsuccessful in attempting to extricate myself from poverty, my efforts would awaken the activity of my mind, and preserve me from sinking under the weight of affliction I sustained in losing the best of sisters. It was, perhaps, a happy circumstance, that necessity stimulated me to exertion in this most gloomy period of my existence.
After I began to prepare the additions to my View of Religions, I found it required a great effort to detach my mind from the recollection of past sufferings, and force myself to that mental exertion which is naturally so congenial to my mind. At length, however, I completed the task of preparing my work for the press. I had previously, in 1790, sent a petition to Congress, which was presented by the late Fisher Ames, Esq. for a general law to be passed, to secure to authors the copy-right of their publications. I now applied to a large number of printers to know on what terms they would publish my work. But, though I wrote nearly the same letter to all, consisting of a few direct questions, their answers were generally various, prolix, and ambiguous.
I at length concluded to accept the terms of one of the printers to whom I applied, who offered me one hundred dollars in books, for an edition of one thousand copies. When I went to Boston for this purpose, a friend of mine introduced me to the Rev. Mr Freeman, whom I had only once before seen: but I was well apprised of his benevolent character, which I found more than realized the ideas which I had formed of it from report. I shall ever recollect the generous interest he took in my affairs, with the most lively gratitude. He removed my perplexity, by transacting the business with the printer. By his advice, a subscription paper was published; and I soon found the benefit of his patronage, in procuring a large number of subscribers, and concluding an advantageous bargain for me with Mr Folsom, the printer. The second edition was published in 1791; and the emolument I derived from it not only placed me in a comfortable situation, but enabled me to pay the debts I had contracted during mine and my sister’s illness, and to put out a small sum upon interest.
CHAPTER III.
Encouraged and animated by this success, I soon formed the design of engaging in another publication, and set myself to choose a subject. It was poverty, not ambition, or vanity, that first induced me to become an author, or rather a compiler. But I now formed the flattering idea, that I might not only help myself, but benefit the public. With this view, I engaged in writing a Summary History of New England. I selected this subject, rather for public utility, than for my own gratification. My object was to render my compilation useful to those in early life, who had not time or opportunity to peruse the large mass of materials, which, previously to my compilation, lay scattered in many publications. I knew the work would require much reading upon dry subjects, such as ancient news prints, state papers, &c. But I wrote for a bare subsistence, and never wished to gain anything from the public which I had not at least earned by laborious investigation. I also considered, that attention to such an antipoetical subject would have a tendency to keep my mind in a more healthy state, than the perusal of works which are calculated to excite the feelings. I therefore resolved to fix my attention by investigating simple facts, and by relinquishing to a great extent the reading works of taste and imagination.
When I compiled this work, there was not any history of New England extant, except Mather’s Magnalia, and Neale’s History; and these extended only to an early period in the annals of our country. If there had been only one work, which reached to the acceptance of the Federal constitution, my task had been far less laborious. There was no authentic account of Rhode Island, except that of Callender’s. This induced me to spend some time in Providence, in order to examine the Records in the Secretary’s office. The perusal of old manuscripts, which were damaged by time, was painful to my eyes; but as they were naturally strong, I did not for some time perceive the injury I suffered from the task.