After I returned from Providence, I attended to my compilation with unremitting diligence, and hoped not only to obtain a temporary support, but to make a small provision for future subsistence. Stimulated by these sanguine views, I wrote early and late during one winter, and expected to put my work to the press the ensuing spring. But how vain were all these pleasing anticipations! A new misfortune arrested my progress, and made me feel my entire dependence upon divine Providence. I found my sight suddenly fail to that degree, that I was obliged to lay aside reading, writing, and every employment which required the use of my eyes. In this distressed situation, I consulted a number of physicians; and their prescriptions rather increased, than diminished my complaints. The gloomy apprehension of being totally deprived of my sight was distressing beyond description. I not only anticipated the misfortune of being obliged forever to relinquish those literary pursuits which had constituted so much of my enjoyment during life, and was at this time my only resource for a subsistence, but as I had from my earliest years been an enthusiastic admirer of the beauties of nature, I felt the most painful sensation in reflecting that the time might arrive, when
‘With the year
Seasons return, but not to me return
Day, or the sweet approach of eve or morn,
Or sight of vernal bloom, or summer rose.’
At length, by the advice of a respectable friend, I applied to Dr Jeffries; and by assiduously following his prescriptions for about two years, I partially recovered my sight. For the encouragement of those who are troubled with similar complaints, I would mention, that when I first consulted the doctor, he had not any expectation my eyes would recover so as to enable me to make the use of them I have since done. But by applying laudanum and sea water several times in the course of the day, for two years, I recovered so far as to resume my studies; and by employing an amanuensis to assist me in transcribing my manuscript, I was enabled to print the work in 1799. Previously to putting the copy to the press, I consulted all the living authors, and showed them the use I had made of their works in my compilation, and they did not make any objection. As my eyes were still weak, I could not bestow the same attention in condensing the last part of my History, as the first; and consequently the History of the American Revolution was much more prolix than I originally intended. In giving an account of the war, my ignorance of military terms rendered it necessary to transcribe more from Dr Ramsay’s History, than I had done in any other part of the work. I therefore wrote an apology to the doctor, and had the satisfaction of receiving in return a very interesting letter from Mrs Ramsay, expressing her approbation of my work, and inclosing a bill of ten dollars. Before my eyes failed, I had sent out a subscription paper; but afterward, the idea that I never should be able to complete the compilation, induced me to drop it; and I was obliged to publish the work almost entirely at my own expense. The printers were in low circumstances, and required payment before I could dispose of the books. I was therefore obliged to borrow a sum of money to defray the expenses of the work, which, as it was printed on very good paper, were large, and I derived but little profit from my labor.
My next publication was the third edition of my View of Religions, to which I made the addition of a hundred pages. The Rev. Mr Freeman, who continued his kind attentions, made the bargain for me with the printer, by which I was entitled to receive five hundred dollars in yearly payments, for an edition of two thousand copies. This relieved me from the embarrassments in which I was involved by printing my History of New England at my own expense. As my eyes still continued too weak to engage in any new laborious work, I determined to wait till a large part of my History of New England was sold; and then, if my life continued, to abridge it for the use of schools.
In the meantime, however, I set about writing a concise View of the Christian Religion, selected from the writings of eminent laymen. I wrote with difficulty, as my eyes were still very weak; but I wished to exert myself as much as possible to be useful, and to gain a subsistence. Though attention to religious controversy had led me to feel undecided on some disputed points, of which perhaps Christians of equal piety form different opinions, my conviction of the truth of divine revelation, instead of being weakened by all my researches, was strengthened and confirmed; and I wished to make a public declaration of my sentiments on this important subject. I found it difficult to procure proper materials for the work, as I was utterly unable to purchase books. A considerable part of this compilation, as well as the additions to the third edition of my View of Religions, was written in booksellers’ shops. I went to make visits in Boston, in order to consult books in this way, which it was impossible for me to buy, or borrow. I desire, however, to recognise with gratitude the attention of my kind father, who took pains that I should have the benefit of all books which he could procure, and assisted me greatly in disposing of my works. When I had completed my compilation, I found the printers and booksellers unwilling to purchase the copy, because much had been written on the subject, and these publications were unsaleable. At length, in 1804, I agreed with a printer to execute the work, upon the small consideration of receiving only one hundred dollars in books.
The tenor of my life at this time was very monotonous. It was enlivened, however, by gleams of happiness, from the society of a few friends, and the pleasure I derived from literary pursuits; and, by my convictions of the truth of that religion, to the examination of which I had devoted so much of my time. My eyes still continued very weak, and I wrote under the apprehension of being reduced to a state that would preclude all application to study. A considerable part of my History of New England being now disposed of, my only resource appeared to be to abridge that work for the use of schools. The profit I hoped to derive from this compilation seemed to me to constitute all I had to depend upon in future, if my life should be spared. While I entertained these hopes, in which I was made sanguine by my knowledge of the success with which books for schools had been printed, can it be a subject of blame, or reproach, to a person in my situation, that I felt extremely grieved, and hurt, when I found my design anticipated by a reverend gentleman, whose calling, and indefatigable industry, are highly respectable? The difference between us was left to referees, who sustained a high reputation for ability, and sound judgment, extensive information, and moral excellence. I was satisfied with their decision. But I was reduced to the painful task of writing on the subject; for, though I took this measure with extreme reluctance, my opponent left me no other alternative. I sincerely hope the painful affair may never be recalled to his prejudice.