THOUGHTS
ON
CONVERSATION.
It has been adviſed, and by very reſpectable authorities too, that in converſation women ſhould carefully conceal any knowledge or learning they may happen to poſſeſs. I own, with ſubmiſſion, that I do not ſee either the neceſſity or propriety of this advice. For if a young lady has that diſcretion and modeſty, without which all knowledge is little worth, ſhe will never make an oſtentatious parade of it, becauſe ſhe will rather be intent on acquiring more, than on diſplaying what ſhe has.
I am at a loſs to know why a young female is inſtructed to exhibit, in the moſt advantageous point of view, her ſkill in muſic, her ſinging, dancing, taſte in dreſs, and her acquaintance with the moſt faſhionable games and amuſements, while her piety is to be anxiouſly concealed, and her knowledge affectedly diſavowed, leſt the former ſhould draw on her the appellation of an enthuſiaſt, or the latter that of a pedant.
In regard to knowledge, why ſhould ſhe for ever affect to be on her guard, leſt ſhe ſhould be found guilty of a ſmall portion of it? She need be the leſs ſolicitous about it, as it ſeldom proves to be ſo very conſiderable as to excite aſtoniſhment or admiration: for, after all the acquiſitions which her talents and her ſtudies have enabled her to make, ſhe will, generally ſpeaking, be found to have leſs of what is called learning, than a common ſchool-boy.
It would be to the laſt degree preſumptuous and abſurd, for a young woman to pretend to give the ton to the company; to interrupt the pleaſure of others, and her own opportunity of improvement, by talking when ſhe ought to liſten; or to introduce ſubjects out of the common road, in order to ſhew her own wit, or expoſe the want of it in others: but were the ſex to be totally ſilent when any topic of literature happens to be diſcuſſed in their preſence, converſation would loſe much of its vivacity, and ſociety would be robbed of one of its moſt intereſting charms.
How eaſily and effectually may a well-bred woman promote the moſt uſeful and elegant converſation, almoſt without ſpeaking a word! for the modes of ſpeech are ſcarcely more variable than the modes of ſilence. The ſilence of liſtleſs ignorance, and the ſilence of ſparkling intelligence, are perhaps as ſeparately marked, and as diſtinctly expreſſed, as the ſame feelings could have been by the moſt unequivocal language. A woman, in a company where ſhe has the leaſt influence, may promote any ſubject by a profound and invariable attention, which ſhews that ſhe is pleaſed with it, and by an illuminated countenance, which proves ſhe underſtands it. Thiſ obliging attention iſ the most flattering encouragement in the world to men of ſenſe and letters, to continue any topic of inſtruction or entertainment they happen to be engaged in: it owed its introduction perhaps to accident, the beſt introduction in the world for a ſubject of ingenuity, which, though it could not have been formally propoſed without pedantry, may be continued with eaſe and good humour; but which will be frequently and effectually ſtopped by the liſtleſſneſs, inattention, or whiſpering of ſilly girls, whoſe wearineſs betrays their ignorance, and whoſe impatience expoſes their ill-breeding. A polite man, however deeply intereſted in the ſubject on which he is converſing, catches at the ſlighteſt hint to have done: a look is a ſufficient intimation, and if a pretty ſimpleton, who ſits near him, ſeems diſtraite, he puts an end to his remarks, to the great regret of the reaſonable part of the company, who perhaps might have gained more improvement by the continuance of ſuch a converſation, than a week's reading would have yielded them; for it is ſuch company as this, that give an edge to each other's wit, "as iron ſharpeneth iron."
That ſilence is one of the great arts of converſation is allowed by Cicero himſelf, who ſays, there is not only an art but even an eloquence in it. And this opinion is confirmed by a great modern[5], in the following little anecdote from one of the ancients.
When many Grecian philoſophers had a ſolemn meeting before the ambaſſador of a foreign prince, each endeavoured to ſhew his parts by the brilliancy of his converſation, that the ambaſſador might have ſomething to relate of the Grecian wiſdom. One of them, offended, no doubt, at the loquacity of his companions, obſerved a profound ſilence; when the ambaſſador, turning to him, aſked, "But what have you to ſay, that I may report it?" He made this laconic, but very pointed reply: "Tell your king, that you have found one among the Greeks who knew how to be ſilent."
There is a quality infinitely more intoxicating to the female mind than knowledge—this is Wit, the moſt captivating, but the moſt dreaded of all talents: the moſt dangerous to thoſe who have it, and the moſt feared by thoſe who have it not. Though it is againſt all the rules, yet I cannot find in my heart to abuſe this charming quality. He who is grown rich without it, in ſafe and ſober dulneſs, ſhuns it as a diſeaſe, and looks upon poverty as its invariable concomitant. The moraliſt declaims againſt it as the ſource of irregularity, and the frugal citizen dreads it more than bankruptcy itſelf, for he conſiders it as the parent of extravagance and beggary. The Cynic will aſk of what uſe it is? Of very little perhaps: no more is a flower garden, and yet it is allowed as an object of innocent amuſement and delightful recreation. A woman, who poſſeſſes this quality, has received a moſt dangerous preſent, perhaps not leſs ſo than beauty itſelf: eſpecially if it be not ſheathed in a temper peculiarly inoffenſive, chaſtiſed by a moſt correct judgment, and reſtrained by more prudence than falls to the common lot.
This talent is more likely to make a woman vain than knowledge; for as Wit is the immediate property of its poſſeſſor, and learning is only an acquaintance with the knowledge of other people, there is much more danger, that we ſhould be vain of what is our own, than of what we borrow.