Just as I was free of my basin my lord was going forth: so I followed him to a great house, where in a room I saw gentlemen and ladies, bachelors and maidens, twisting about so quickly that everything spun round: with such stamping and noise that I deemed they were all gone mad, for I could not imagine what they could intend with this rage and fury: yea, the very sight of them was so terrible, so fearful, and so dreadful that all my hair stood on end, and I could believe nothing but that they were all bereft of reason. And as we came nearer I was aware that these were our guests, which had up till noon been in their right senses. "Good God," thought I, "what do these poor folk intend to do? Surely madness is come upon them." Yet presently I thought these might perchance be hellish spirits, which under this disguise did make a mock of the whole human race by such wanton capers and monkey-tricks: for I thought, had they human souls and God's image in them, sure they would not act so unlike to men.
When my lord came in and would enter the room, the tumult ceased, save that there was such bowing and ducking with the heads and such curtseying and scraping with the feet on the floor that methought they would scrape out the foot-tracks they had trodden in their furious madness. And by the sweat that ran down their faces, and by their puffing and blowing, I could perceive they had struggled hard: yet did their cheerful countenances declare that such labours had not vexed them. Now was I fain to know what this mad behaviour might mean, and therefore asked of my comrade and trusted confidant what such lunatic doings might signify, or for what purpose this furious ramping and stamping was intended. And he, as the real truth, told me that all there present had agreed to stamp down the floor of the room. "For how," says he, "canst thou otherwise suppose that they would so stamp about? Hast thou not seen how they broke all the windows for pastime? Even so will they break in this floor." "Good heavens!" quoth I, "then must we also fall, and in falling break our legs and our necks in their company?" "Yea," quoth my comrade, "'tis their purpose, and therefore do they work so devilishly hard. And thou wilt see that when they do find themselves in danger of death each one seizes upon a fair lady or maiden, for 'tis said that to couples that fall holding one another in this way no grievous harm is wont to happen."
Now as I believed all this tale, there fell upon me such anguish and fear of death that I knew not where I should stand, and when the minstrels, which I had not before seen, made themselves likewise heard, and every man ran to his lady as soldiers run to their guns or to their ranks when they hear the drums beat the alarm, and each man took his partner by the hand, 'twas to me even as if I saw the floor already a-sinking, and my neck and those of many others a-breaking. But when they began to jump so that the whole building shook (for they played just then a lively galop), then thought I, "Now is thy life at stake." For I thought nought else but that the whole building would suddenly tumble in: so in my deadly fear I seized upon a lady of high nobility and eminent virtues with whom my lord was even then conversing. Her I caught all unawares by the arm, like a bear, and clung to her like a burr, but when she struggled, as not knowing what foolish fancies were in my head, I acted as one desperate, and for sheer despair began to scream as if they would murder me. Now did the music cease of a sudden: the dancers and their partners stopped dancing, and the honourable lady to whose arm I still clung deemed herself grievously insulted; for she fancied my lord had had all this done for her annoyance, who thereupon commanded that I should be soundly whipped and then locked up somewhere, "for," said he, "'twas not the first trick I had played on him that day." Yet the grooms which were to carry out his orders had sympathy with me, and spared me the whipping and locked me up in a goose-pen under the staircase.
BOOK II.
Chap. i.: HOW A GOOSE AND A GANDER WERE MATED
Sο in my goose-pen I pondered on all that I have set down in black and white in my first part; of which, therefore, there is no need in this place to say more. Yet can I not choose but say that even then I doubted whether the dancers in truth were so mad to stamp the floor down or whether I was only so led to believe. Now will I further relate how I came again out of my goose prison. For three whole hours, namely, till that "Praeludium Veneris" (I should have said that seemly dance) was ended, I must perforce sit till one came softly and fumbled with the bolt: so I listened as quiet as any mouse, and presently the fellow that was at the door not only opened it but whipped in himself as quick as I would fain have whipped out, and with him by the hand he led in a lady, even as I had seen done at the dancing. I knew not what was to happen: but because I was now accustomed to all such strange adventures as had happened to me, poor fool, on that one day, and had made up my mind to bear with patience and silence whatever my fate might bring me, I crept close to the door and with fear and trembling waited for the end. So presently there was between these two a whispering, whereof I could understand naught save that the one party complained of the evil air of the place, and on the other hand the second party would console the first.
Thereupon I heard kisses and observed strange postures, yet knew not what this should mean, and therefore still kept still as a mouse. Yet when a comical noise arose and the goose-pen, which was but of boards nailed together below the staircase, began to shake and crack, and moreover the lady seemed in trouble, I thought, surely these be two of those mad folk which helped to stamp on the floor, and have now betaken themselves hither to behave in like manner, and bring thee to thy death.
As soon as these thoughts came into my head, I seized upon the door, so to escape death, and out I whipt with a cry of "Murder" as loud as that which had brought me to that place. Yet had I the sense to bolt the door behind me and make for the open house-door.
This was now the first wedding I was ever present at in my life, and even to that I had not been invited: on the other hand, I needed to give no wedding-gift, though the bridegroom did mark up a heavy score against me, which I honourably discharged.
Gentle reader, I tell this story not that thou mayest laugh thereat, but that my History may be complete, and my readers may take to heart what honourable fruits are to be expected from this dancing. For this I hold for certain, that in these dances many a bargain is struck up, whereof the whole company hath cause thereafter to be shamed.