As soon as it was day my master handed me over to the horse-boys, even as both armies were striking their tents: these were a pack of rascals, and therefore was the baiting which I must endure the greater and more dreadful: for they hastened with me to a thicket the better to satisfy their bestial desires, as is the custom of these devils' children when a woman is given over to them: and there followed them many fellows looking on at their scurvy tricks, and among them my Hans, who let me not out of his sight, and when he saw 'twould go ill with me would rescue me by force, even should it cost him his head: who found backers enough when he said I was his betrothed wife; and they, shewing pity for him and me, were ready to help. But that the boys, who thought they had the better right to me, and would not let such a good prize go, would not have, and went about to repel force with force. So blows beginning to be dealt on both sides, the crowd and the noise became greater and greater till it seemed almost like a tournament in which each did his best for a fair lady's sake. All this terrible hubbub drew the Provost-general to the spot, who came even then when my clothing had been torn from my body and 'twas plain that I was no woman: his coming made all quiet as mice, for he was feared far more than the devil himself; and those that had been at fisticuffs scattered. But he briefly inquired of the matter, and whereas I hoped he would save me, on the contrary he arrested me, because it was a strange and suspicious thing for a man to be found in an army in women's clothes. Accordingly, he and his men walked off with me to the regiments (which were all afoot and ready to march), with intent to deliver me to the Judge-Advocate-General, or Quartermaster-General: but when we were about to pass my colonel's regiment, I was known and accosted and furnished by my colonel with some poor clothes, and so given in custody to our old provost, who put me in irons hand and foot.
It was mighty hard work for me so to march in fetters, and the old curmudgeon would have properly plagued me had not the secretary Oliver paid for me; for I would not let my ducats, which I had thus far kept, see the light, for I should at the same time have lost them and also have fallen into greater danger. The said Oliver informed me the same evening why I was kept in such close custody, and the regimental sheriff received orders at once to examine me, that my deposition might the sooner be laid before the Judge-Advocate-General, for they counted me not only for a spy, but also for one that could use witchcraft; for shortly after I left my colonel certain witches were burnt who confessed before their death that they had seen me at their General Assembly, when they met together to dry up the Elbe, that Magdeburg might be taken the sooner. So the points on which I was to give an answer were these. (1) Whether I had not been a student, or at least could read and write? (2) Why I had come to the camp at Magdeburg disguised as a fool, whereas in the captain's service I had been as sane as I was now? (3) Why I had disguised myself in women's apparel? (4) Whether I had not been at the witches' dance with other sorcerers? (5) Where I was born and who my parents were? (6) Where I had sojourned before I came to the camp before Magdeburg? and (7) Where and to what end I had learned women's work such as washing, baking, cooking, and also lute-playing? Thereupon I would have told my whole story, that the circumstances of my strange adventures might explain all; but the judge was not curious, only weary and peevish after his long march: so he desired only a round answer to each question; and that I answered in the following words, out of which no one could yet learn aught that was exact or precise--as thus: (1) I had not been a student, but could read and write German. (2) I had been forced to wear a fool's coat because I had no other. (3) Because I was weary of the fool's coat and could come at no men's clothes. (4) I answered yes; but had gone against my will and knew naught of witchcraft. (5) I was born in the Spessart and my parents were peasants. (6) With the Governor of Hanau and with a colonel of Croats, Corpes by name. (7) Among the Croats I had been forced against my will to learn cooking and the like: but lute-playing at Hanau because I had a liking thereto. So when my deposition was written out, "How canst thou deny," says he, "and say thou hast not studied, seeing that when thou didst pass for a fool, and the priest in the mass said 'Domine non sum dignus,' thou didst answer in Latin that he need not say that, for all knew it."
"Sir," said I, "others taught me that and persuaded me 'twas a prayer that one must use at mass, when our chaplain was saying it." "Yes, yes," said he, "I see thou art the very kind of fellow whose tongue must be loosed by the torture." Whereat I thought, "God help thee if thy tongue follow thy foolish head!"
Early next morning came orders from the Judge-Advocate-General to our provost that he should keep me well in charge; for he was minded as soon as the armies halted to examine me himself: in which case I must without doubt to the torture, had not God ordered it otherwise. In my bonds I thought ever of my pastor at Hanau and old Herzbruder that was dead, how both had foretold how it would fare with me if I were rid of my fool's coat again.
Chap. xxvii.: HOW THE PROVOST FARED IN THE BATTLE OF WITTSTOCK
The same evening, and when we had hardly as yet pitched our tents, I was brought to the Judge-Advocate-General, who had before him my deposition and also writing materials; and he began to examine me more closely. But I, on the other part, told my story even as it had happened to me, yet was not believed, nor could the judge be sure whether he had a fool or a hard-bitten knave before him, so pat did question and answer fall and so strange was the whole history. He bade me take a pen and write, to see what I could do, and moreover to see if my handwriting was known, or if it had any marks in it that a man could recognise. I took pen and paper as handily as one that had been daily used to employ the same, and asked what I should write. The Judge-Advocate-General, who was perhaps vexed because my examination had prolonged itself far into the night, answered me thus: "What!" says he, "write down 'Thy mother the whore.'"
Those words I did write down, and when they were read out they did but make my case worse,[[17]] for the Advocate-General said he was now well assured that I was a rogue. Then he asked the provost, had they searched me and found any writings upon me? The provost answered him no; for how could they search a man that had been brought to them naked? But it availed nought! The provost must search me in the presence of all, and as he did that diligently (O ill-luck!) there he found my two asses' ears with the ducats in them bound round my arms. Then said they: "What need we any further witness? This traitor hath without doubt undertaken some great plot, for why else should any honest man disguise himself in a fool's raiment, or a man conceal himself in women's garments? And how could any suppose that a man would carry on him so great a quantity of money, unless it were that he intended to do some great deed therewith?" For said they, did he not himself confess he had learned lute-playing under the cunningest soldier in the world, the commandant of Hanau? "Gentlemen," says they, "what think you he did not learn among those sharp-witted Hessians? The shortest way is to have him to the torture and then to the stake: seeing he hath in any case been in the company of sorcerers and therefore deserveth no better."
How I felt at that time any man can judge for himself; for I knew I was innocent and had strong trust in God: yet I could see my danger and lamented the loss of my fair ducats, which the Judge-Advocate-General had put in his own pocket. But before they could proceed to extremities with me Banér's folk fell upon ours: at the first the two armies fought for the best position, and then secondly for the heavy artillery, which our people lost forthwith. Our provost kept pretty far behind the line of battle with his helpers and his prisoners, yet were we so close to our brigade that we could tell each man by his clothing from behind; and when a Swedish squadron attacked ours we were in danger of our lives as much as the fighters, for in a moment the air was so full of singing bullets that it seemed a volley had been fired in our honour. At that the timid ducked their heads, as they would have crept into themselves: but they that had courage and had been present at such sport before let the balls pass over their heads quite unconcerned. In the fighting itself every man sought to prevent his own death with the cutting down of the nearest that encountered him: and the terrible noise of the guns, the rattle of the harness, the crash of the pikes, and the cries both of the wounded and the attackers made up, together with the trumpets, drums and fifes, a horrible music. There could one see nought but thick smoke and dust, which seemed as it would conceal the fearful sight of the wounded and dead: in the midst of it could be heard the pitiful outcries of the dying and the cheers of them that were yet full of spirit: the very horses seemed as if they were more and more vigorous to defend their masters, so furious did they shew themselves in the performance of that duty which they were compelled to do. Some of them one could see falling dead under their masters, full of wounds which they had undeservedly received for the reward of their faithful services: others for the same cause fell upon their riders, and thus in their death had the honour of being borne by those they had in life been forced to bear: others, again, being rid of the valiant burden that had guided them, fled from mankind in their fury and madness, and sought again their first freedom in the open field. The earth, whose custom it is to cover the dead was there itself covered with them, and those variously distinguished: for here lay heads that had lost their natural owners, and there bodies that lacked their heads: some had their bowels hanging out in most ghastly and pitiful fashion, and others had their heads cleft and their brains scattered: there one could see how lifeless bodies were deprived of their blood while the living were covered with the blood of others; here lay arms shot off, on which the fingers still moved, as if they would yet be fighting; and elsewhere rascals were in full flight that had shed no drop of blood: there lay severed legs, which though delivered from the burden of the body, yet were far heavier than they had been before: there could one see crippled soldiers begging for death, and on the contrary others beseeching quarter and the sparing of their lives. In a word, 'twas naught but a miserable and pitiful sight. The Swedish conquerors drove our people from their position, which they had defended with such ill luck, and were scattered everywhere in pursuit. At which turn of things my provost, with us his prisoners, also took to flight, though we had deserved no enmity from the conquerors by reason of our resistance: but while the provost was threatening of us with death and so compelling us to go with him, young Herzbruder galloped up with five other horsemen and saluted him with a pistol and, "Lookye, old dog," says he, "is it the time now to breed young puppies? Now will I pay thee for thy pains."
But the shot harmed the provost as little as if it had struck an anvil. So "Beest thou of that kidney," said Herzbruder, "yet I will not have come to do thee a courtesy in vain: die thou must even if thy soul were grown into thy body." And with that he compelled a musqueteer of the provost's own guard, if he would himself have quarter, to cut him down with an axe. And so that provost got his reward: but I being known by Herzbruder, he bade them free me from my fetters and bonds, set me on a horse, and charged his servant to bring me to a place of safety.
Chap. xxviii.: OF A GREAT BATTLE WHEREIN THE CONQUEROR IS CAPTURED IN THE HOUR OF TRIUMPH