I do think there is no man in the world that hath not a bee in his bonnet, for we be all men of one mould and by mine own fruits I can mark how others' ripen. Oh coxcomb! say you; if thou beest a fool, thinkest thou others must be too? Nay, that were to say too much: but this I maintain, that one man can hide his folly better than another. Nor is a man a fool because he hath foolish fantasies, for in youth we do all have the like: and he that lets those fantasies run loose is held to be a fool because others keep the fool concealed, and others do but shew the half of him. They that keep such whims under altogether be but peevish fellows, but they that now and then allow them (as time affords an opportunity) to shew their ears and put their heads out of window to get air lest they be choked, these I hold for the best and wisest men. Mine own fantasies I let forth only too far, as seeing myself so free and well provided with money; so that I took me a lad whom I clothed as a nobleman's page, and that in the most fantastic colours, to wit, light brown bordered with yellow, which must be my livery, for so I fancied it: and he must wait upon me as if I were a nobleman and not until just before a common dragoon; yea, and half a year before a poor horse-boy.
Now this, the first folly I committed in this town, though 'twas pretty gross, yet was remarked by none, much less blamed. But why? The world is so full of such fooleries that none marks them now, nor laughs at them, nor wonders at them, for all are used to them. And so was I held for a wise and good soldier, and not for a fool only fit for baby's shoes. Then I bargained with my landlord for the feeding of my page and myself, and gave him, as payment on account, what the commandant had presented to me, as far as concerns food and fuel: but for the drink my page must keep the key, for I was very willing to give of such to all that visited me. And since I was neither citizen nor soldier, and therefore had no equals that were bound to keep me company, I consorted with both sides, and therefore daily found comrades enough; and these I sent not away dry. Among the citizens I had most friendship with the organist, for music I loved and, without bragging, had an excellent voice which I had no mind to let rust: this man taught me how to compose, and to play better upon that instrument, as also upon the harp: on the lute I was already a master; so I got me one of mine own and daily diverted myself with it. And when I was tired of music I would send for that furrier that had instructed me in the use of all arms in Paradise, and with him exercised myself to be yet more perfect. Also I obtained leave from the commandant that one of his artillerymen should instruct me in gunnery and something of artillery-practice for a proper reward. For the rest, I kept myself quiet and retired, so that people wondered, seeing how I, that had been used to plunder and bloodshed, now sat always over my books like a student.
But my host was the commandant's spy and my keeper, for well I noted that he reported to him all my ways and works; but that suited me well enough, for of warfare I had never a thought, and if there was talk of it I behaved myself as I had never been a soldier, and was only there to perform my daily exercises, of which I but now made mention. 'Tis true I wished my six months at an end: yet could no man guess which side I would then serve. As often as I waited on the colonel he would have me to dine with him: and then at times the converse was so arranged that my intention might be known therefrom: but ever I answered so discreetly that none could know what I did mean. So once when he said to me, "How is't with ye, Huntsman? Will ye not yet turn Swede? An ensign of mine is dead yesterday," I made answer, "Worshipful colonel, seeing that it is but decent for a woman not to marry at once again after her husband's death, should I not also wait my six months?" In such fashion I escaped every time, and gained the colonel's good will more and more; so much so that he allowed me to take my walks both inside and outside the fortress: yea, at last I might hunt the hares, partridges, and birds, which was not permitted to his own soldiers. Likewise did I fish in the Lippe, and was so lucky at that, that it seemed as if I could conjure both fish and crayfish out of the water. For this I caused to be made a rough hunting-suit only, in which I crept by night into the territory of Soest and collected my hidden treasures from here and there, and brought them to the said fortress, and so behaved as if I would for ever dwell among the Swedes.
By the same way came the prophetess of Soest to me and said, "Lookye, my son, did I not counsel thee well before that thou shouldst hide thy money outside the town of Soest? I do assure thee 'tis thy greater good luck to have been captured: for hadst thou returned to Soest, certain fellows that had sworn thy death, because thou wast preferred to them among the women, would have murdered thee in thy hunting." So I asked, "How could any be jealous of me, that meddled with women not at all?" "Oh," says she, "of that opinion that thou art now, wilt thou not long remain: or the women will drive thee out of the country with mockery and shame. Thou hast ever laughed at me when I foretold thee aught: wouldest thou once more refuse to believe me if I told thee more? Dost thou not find in the place where thou art better friends than in Soest? I do swear to thee they hold thee only too dear, and that such exceeding love will turn to thy harm, if thou submit not to it." So I answered her, if she truly knew so much as she gave out, she should reveal to me how it stood with my parents and whether I should ever in my life come to them again: she should not be so dark in her sayings, but out with it in good German. Thereupon she said I might ask after my parents when my foster-father should meet me unawares, and lead my wet-nurse's daughter by a string: with that she laughed loud, and at the end said, she had of her own accord told to me more than to others that had begged it of her.
But as I began to jest upon her she quickly took herself away, after I had presented her with a few thalers; for I had more silver coin than I could easily carry, having at that time a pretty sum of money and many rings and jewels of great price: for before this, whenever I heard of precious stones among the soldiers, or found such on expeditions or elsewhere, I bought them, and that for less than half the money they were worth. Such treasures did always cry aloud to me to let them be seen in public: and I did willingly obey, for being of a pretty proud temper, I made a show with my wealth and feared not to let mine host see it, who made it out to others as greater than it was. And they did wonder whence I had gathered it all together, it being well known that I had made deposit at Cologne of the treasure I had found, for the cornet had read the merchant's receipt when he took me prisoner.
Chap. xviii.: HOW THE HUNTSMAN WENT A WOOING, AND MADE A TRADE OF IT
My intent to learn artillery practice and fencing in these six months was good, and that I knew: yet 'twas not enough to protect me from idleness, which is the root of many evils, and especially ill for me because I had no one to command me. 'Tis true I sat industriously over books of all sorts, from which I learned much good: but a few came into my hands which were as good for me as grass for a sick dog. The incomparable "Arcadia," from which I sought to learn eloquence, was the first book that led me aside from good stories to books of love and from true history to romances of chivalry. Such sort of books I collected wherever I could, and when I found one I ceased not till I had read it through, though I should sit day and night over it. But these taught me, instead of eloquence, to practise lechery. Yet was such desire at no time so violent and strong that one could, with Seneca, call it a divine frenzy or, as it is described in Thomas Thomai's "Forest Garden," a serious sickness. For where I took a fancy there I had what I desired easily and without great trouble: and so had I no cause to complain as other wooers and lechers have had, which are chock full of fantastic thoughts, troubles, desires, secret pangs, anger, jealousy, revenge, madness, tears, bragging, threats and numberless other follies, and for sheer impatience wish for death. For I had money and was not too careful of it, and besides I had a fine voice, which daily I exercised with all manner of instruments. Instead of shewing my bodily skill in the dance, which I did never love, I did display it in fencing, engaging with my furrier: moreover, I had a fine smooth face, and did practise myself in a certain gracious amiableness, so that the women, even those that I did not greatly seek after, did of themselves run after me, and that more than I desired.
About this time came Martinmas: then with us Germans begins the eating and swilling, and that feast is full conscientiously observed till Shrovetide: so was I invited to different houses, both among the officers and burghers, to help eat the Martinmas goose. So 'twas that on such occasions I made acquaintance with the ladies. For my lute and my songs made all to look my way, and when they so looked, then was I ready to add such charming looks and actions to my new love-songs (which I did myself compose) that many a fair maid was befooled, and ere she knew it was in love with me. Yet lest I should be held for a curmudgeon I gave likewise two banquets, one for the officers and one for the chief citizens, by which means I gained me favour of both parties and an entry to their houses; for I spared no expense in my entertainment. But all this was but for the sake of the sweet maids, and though I did not at once find what I sought with each and everyone (for some there were that could deny me), yet I went often to these also, that so they might bring them that did shew me more favour than becomes modest maidens into no suspicion, but might believe that I visited these last also only for the sake of conversation. And so separately I persuaded each one to believe this of the others, and to think she was the only one that enjoyed my love. Just six I had that loved me well and I them in return: yet none possessed my heart or me alone: in one 'twas but the black eyes that pleased me; in another the golden hair; in a third a winning sweetness; and in the others was also somewhat that the rest had not. But if I, besides these, also visited others, 'twas either for the cause I mentioned or because their acquaintance was new and strange to me, and in any case I refused and despised nothing, as not purposing always to remain in the same place. My page, which was an arch-rogue, had enough to do with carrying of love-letters back and forth, and knew how to keep his mouth shut and my loose ways so secret from one and the other that nought was discovered: in reward for which he had from the baggages many presents, which yet cost me most, seeing that I spent a little fortune on them, and could well say, "What is won with the drum is lost with the fife." All the same, I kept my affairs so secret that not one man in a hundred would have taken me for a rake, save only the priest, from whom I borrowed not so many good books as formerly.
Chap. xix.: BY WHAT MEANS THE HUNTSMAN MADE FRIENDS, AND HOW HE WAS MOVED BY A SERMON
When Fortune will cast a man down, she raiseth him first to the heights, and the good God doth faithfully warn every man before his fall. Such a warning had I, but would have none of it. For I was stiffly persuaded of this, that my fortune was so firmly founded that no mishap could cast me down, because all, and specially the commandant himself, wished me well; those that he valued I won over by all manner of respect: his trusted servants I brought over to my side by presents, and with them perhaps more than with mine equals I did drink "Brotherhood" and swore to them everlasting faith and friendship: so, too, the common citizens and soldiers loved me because I had a friendly word for all. "What a kindly man," said they often, "is the huntsman; He will talk with a child in the street, and hath a quarrel with no man!" If I had shot a hare or a few partridges I would send them to the kitchen of those whose friendship I sought, and also invited myself as a guest; at which time I would always have a sup of wine (which was in that place very dear) brought thither also: yea, I would so contrive it that the whole cost would fall upon me. And when at such banquets I fell in converse with any, I had praise for all save myself, and managed so to feign humility as I had never known pride. So because I thus gained the favour of all, and all thought much of me, I never conceived that any misfortune could encounter me, especially since my purse was still pretty well filled. Often I went to the oldest priest of the town, who lent me many books from his library: and when I brought one back then would he discourse of all manner of matters with me, for we became so familiar together that one could easily bear with the other. So when not only the Martinmas goose and the feast of pudding-broth were gone and over, but also the Christmas holidays, I presented to him for the New Year a bottle of Strassburg Branntwein, the which he, after Westphalian use, liked to sip with sugar-candy, and thereafter came to visit him, even as he was a-reading my "Joseph the Chaste," which my host without my knowledge had lent him. I did blush that my work should fall into the hands of so learned a man, especially because men hold that one is best known by what he writes. But he would have me to sit by him and praised my invention, yet blamed me that I had lingered so long over the love-story of Zuleika (which was Potiphar's wife). "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh," said he moreover, "and if my friend had not known how it fares with a wooer's heart he could never so well have treated of this woman's passion or in so lively fashion pictured it."