"Now when I must day by day hear such lectures, at the last was I out of all patience, and told my father roundly I was not guilty of all, but he and my tutor, that led me astray: and had he no joy of me, so was he rightly served, that had given his parents no joy of him, but had let them come to beggary and starvation. On that he reached for a stick and would have paid me for my plain speaking, swearing loud and long he would have me to the House of Correction at Amsterdam. So away I went, and the same night betook me to his newly bought farm, watched my opportunity, and rode off to Cologne on the best horse I could find in his stables.
"This horse did I sell, and forthwith lit upon even such a crew of rogues and thieves as I had left at Liège. So at play they did know me for what I was and I them, for both did know so much. Straightway I was made one of their brotherhood, and was their helper in their nightly excursions. Yet when presently one of our band was caught in the Old Market as he would relieve a lady of quality of her heavy purse, and specially when I had seen him stand an hour in the pillory with an iron collar on, and, further, had seen one of his ears cut off and himself well whipped, that trade pleased me no more, but I enlisted as a soldier: for just then the colonel with whom we served before Magdeburg was a-recruiting. Meanwhile had my father learned where I was, and so did write to his factor he should inquire concerning me: which befell even then when I had drawn my first pay: and that the factor told my father, which gave orders that he should buy me out, cost it what it might: but when I heard that, I had fear of the House of Correction, and so would not be bought out. Through this was my colonel aware I was a rich merchant's son, and so fixed his price so high that my father left me as I was, intending to let me kick my heels awhile in the wars and so perchance come to a better mind.
"'Twas not long before it happened that my colonel's writer died, in whose place he employed me, as thou knowest. And thereupon I began to have high thoughts, in hope to rise from one rank to another, and so in the end to become a general. From our secretary I did learn how to carry myself, and my intent to grow to a great man caused me to behave myself as a man of honour and repute, and no longer, as of old time, to play rogues' tricks. Yet had I no luck till our secretary died, and then methought, 'Thou must see to it that thou hast his place.' And all I could I spent: for when my mother heard I had begun to do well she ever sent me moneys. Yet because young Herzbruder was beloved by our colonel and was preferred to me, I purposed to have him out of the way, specially because I was sure the colonel would give him the secretary's place. And at the delaying of the promotion which I so much desired I was so impatient that I had me made bullet proof by our Provost, so to fight with Herzbruder and settle matters by the sword: yet could I not civilly come at him. Yea, and our Provost warned me from my purpose and said, 'Even if thou makest him a sacrifice, yet will it do thee more harm than good, for thou wilt but have murdered the colonel's favourite.'
"Yet did he advise me I should steal somewhat in Herzbruder's presence and give it to him: for so could he bring it about that he should lose the colonel's favour. To that I agreed, and stole the parcel-gilt cup at the colonel's christening-feast and gave it to the Provost, by means of which he rid me of young Herzbruder, as thou wilt surely remember, even then when he, by his sorcery, filled thy pockets with puppies."
Chap. xix.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS FULFILLED HERZBRUDER'S PROPHECY TO OLIVER BEFORE YET EITHER KNEW THE OTHER
All was green and yellow before mine eyes when I must so hear from Oliver's own mouth how he had gone about with my best friend, and yet I could take no revenge: mine inclination thereto I must needs pocket up lest he should mark it: and so begged he should tell me how it had further fared with him before the battle at Wittstock. "Why, in that encounter," said Oliver, "I carried myself like no quill-driver that is set upon his inkstand, but like a good soldier, being well mounted and bullet-proof, and moreover being counted in no squadron: for so could I show my proper valour, as one that doth mean to rise higher by his sword or to die. So did I fly around our brigade like a whirlwind, both to exercise myself and to shew our men I was more fit for arms than for the pen. Yet all availed nothing, for the Swedes' luck prevailed, and I must share the ill-fortune of our folk and must accept that quarter which a little before I would have given to no man.
"So was I with the other prisoners put into a foot regiment, which same was presently sent away to Pomerania on furlough: where, since there were many raw recruits, and I had shown a very notable courage, I was promoted corporal. Yet I was minded to make no long stay there, but as soon as might be to return to the emperor's service, to which party I was ever most affected, and that although doubtless my advancement had been far quicker among the Swedes. And my escape I brought to pass thus. I was sent out with seven musqueteers to a neighbouring post to demand the contribution, which was in arrears: and so having got together some eight hundred gulden or more, I shewed my fellows the gold and caused their eyes to lust after it, so much so that we agreed to divide the same and so make our escape. This being settled, I did persuade three of them to help me to shoot the other four dead, and such being accomplished we divided the money, namely, 200 gulden to each: and with that we marched off to Westphalia. Yet on the way did I persuade one of the three to help me to knock the other two on the head; and then when we two were to divide the spoil I did make an end with the last man, and so came by good luck safely with the money to Wesel, where I took up my quarters and made merry with my money.
"But when this was now nearly spent, and I still had my love of fine living, then did I hear of a certain young soldier of Soest and what fine booty he had gained, and what a name he had earned: and so was I heartened up to follow in his footsteps. And as they called him, by reason of his green clothing, the Huntsman, so did I have such green raiment made for myself, and under his name did so plunder and steal in his and our own quarters, and that with every circumstance of wanton mischief, that it came near to this, that foraging parties should be forbidden on both sides. He ('tis true) stayed at home, but when I still went on a-mousing in his name all I could, then did that same huntsman for that same reason challenge me. But the devil might fight with him: for, as 'twas told me, he had ever the devil in his jacket: and that devil had soon made an end of my wound-proof. Yet could I not escape his craft, for with the help of a servant of his did he beguile me with my comrade into a sheep-fold, and there would force me, in the presence of two living devils that were his seconders by his side, to fight with him by moonlight. Which when I refused, they did compel me to the most contemptible actions in the world, and that my comrade soon spread abroad: of which I was so shamed that I up and away to Lippstadt and there took service with the Hessians: yet there I remained not long, where none could trust me, but tramped away further to the Dutch. And there did I find, 'tis true, more punctual payment, but too slow a war for my humour: for there were we kept in like monks and must live as chastely as nuns.
"So since I could no more shew my face among either Imperials, Swedes or Hessians, had I been willing wantonly to run the risk, as having deserted from all three, and since I could now no longer stay with the Hollanders, having violently deflowered a maiden, which act seemed likely presently to bring about its results, I thought to take refuge with the Spaniards, in the hope to escape home from them and to see how my parents fared. Yet as I set about that plan I missed my points of the compass so foully that I fell among the Bavarians, with whom I marched among the Merodians, from Westphalia as far as the Breisgau, and earned me a living by dicing and stealing. When I had aught I spent my day on the gaming-ground and my night among the sutlers: had I naught, I stole what I could, and often in a day two or three horses, both from pasture and from stables, sold them, and gamed away what I got, and then at night I would burrow under the soldiers' tents and steal away their purses from under their very heads. Were we on the march I would keep a watchful eye on the portmantles that the women did carry behind them; these would I cut away. And so I kept myself alive till the battle before Wittenweier, wherein I was made prisoner, once more thrust into a foot-regiment, and so made one of Weimar's soldiers. But the camp before Breisach liked me not, so I left it early and went off to forage for myself, as thou seest I do. And be thou well assured, brother, that already I have laid low many a proud fellow and have earned a noble stock of money: nor am I minded to cease till I see I can get no more. And now it doth come to thy turn to tell me of thy life and fortunes."
Chap. xx.: HOW IT DOTH FARE WITH A MAN ON WHOM EVIL FORTUNE DOTH RAIN CATS AND DOGS