"For how!" thought I, "thou beest by descent but a peasant's brat and wilt never in thy life keep thy castle: and this fair champaign is a noble land, that throughout this grisly war hath, in comparison with other parts, maintained itself in peace and prosperity: besides, thou hast gold enough to buy thee even the best farm in this countryside: and now shalt thou marry with this honest peasant-girl and get thee a lord's reputation among the country-folk. And where couldst find a cheerfuller dwelling-place than near the spa, where thou canst, by reason of the coming and going of the guests, see a new world every six weeks, and so conceive how the great world doth change from one age to another?"
Such and a thousand like plans I made, till at length I sought my sweetheart in marriage and (yet not without pains) did obtain her consent.
Chap. viii.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS FOUND HIS SECOND MARRIAGE TURN OUT, AND HOW HE MET WITH HIS DAD AND LEARNED WHO HIS PARENTS HAD BEEN
So I made fine preparation for the wedding: for all seemed rose-colour to me. Not only did I buy up the whole farm whereon my bride had been born, but began also a fine new building besides, as if I would rather keep court than keep house: and before the wedding was over I had already more than thirty head of cattle on the farm; for so many could it maintain all the year round: in a word, I had the best of everything and such fine household plenishing as only folly like mine could devise. But soon I must whistle to a different tune, for I found my bride too knowing; and now, all too late, was I ware of the cause why she had been so loath to take me: and what vexed me most was that I could tell to no man my silly plight. I knew well enough that 'twas reasonable I must pay the piper; yet the knowledge made me not more patient, still less better in life; nay, rather I thought to betray the traitress, and so began to go a-grazing where I could find pasture: which kept me rather in good company at the spa than at home, and for a year at least I left my housekeeping to take care of itself. And for her part my wife was as slovenly as I: an ox that I had had slaughtered for household use she salted in baskets like pork, and when she was to prepare a sucking-pig for me she tried to pluck it like a fowl: yea, she would cook crayfish with a roasting-jack and trout on a spit: from which examples a man may judge what manner of housewife I found her: and withal she would drink freely of the good wine and share it with her good friends: and that was a sign of my coming disasters.
Now it fell out that as I was walking down the valley with some fops of the spa to visit a company at the lower baths, there met us an old peasant with a goat on a string, that he wished to sell, and because methought I had seen him before, I asked whence he came with his goat. At which he doffed his cap and "Your worship," says he, "that I may not tell you." "How," said I, "surely thou hast not stolen the beast?" "Nay," answered the peasant, "but I bring him from a village there in the valley, the which I may not mention to your worship in the presence of a goat"[[38]] which caused my company to laugh, and because I changed colour they deemed I was vexed or ashamed that the peasant did answer me so neatly. Yet my thoughts were otherwise, for by the great wart that this peasant had, like an unicorn, in the middle of his forehead, I was assured 'twas my dad from the Spessart, and so would first play the conjurer before I would make myself known and delight him with so fine a son as my clothes shewed me to be. So I said to him, "Good father, is not your home in the Spessart?" "Yes, your worship," says he. "Then," said I, "did ye not some eighteen year agone have your house and farm plundered and burnt by the troopers?" "Yea, God-a-mercy," quoth the peasant, "yet 'tis not so long ago": but I asked him further, "Did ye not, then, have two children, a grown daughter and a young lad that kept your sheep?" "Nay, your worship," says my dad, "the daughter was my child but not the boy: yet would I bring him up as mine own." And by that I understood I was no son of this rough yokel: and that in part rejoiced me yet again troubled me, for I thought now I must be some bastard or foundling, and therefore asked my dad how he had come by the said boy or what reason he had had to rear him as his own. "Ah," says he, "I had strange luck with him: by war I got him and by war I lost him."
But now being afeared lest some fact should come to light that would disgrace my birth, I turned the discourse upon the goat again and asked if he had sold it to the hostess for cooking, which would seem strange to me as knowing that her guests used not to eat old goat's flesh. But "Nay, your worship," quoth the peasant, "the hostess hath goats enow and will pay naught for such: I do bring her for the countess that is at the spa to bathe. For Doctor Busybody hath ordered certain herbs for this goat to eat: and the milk that she gives therefrom the doctor taketh to make a medicine for the countess, that is to drink the milk and so be cured: for they say the countess hath no stomach, and if the goat help her 'twill do more than the doctor and all his sawbones together." While he thus talked I considered how I might have further speech with him, and so offered him for the goat a dollar more than the doctor or the countess would give: to which he readily agreed (for small gain will easily turn folk), yet on condition he should first tell the countess that I had bid a thaler more: and if she would give as much she should have the preference: if not, he would bring me the goat and would in the evening let me know how the business stood. With that my dad went his way and I, with my company, ours: yet could I and would I not stay longer with them, but turned me back and went where I found my dad again: who still had his goat, for others would not give him so much as I: which, for so rich people, did amaze me, yet made me not more niggardly: for I took him to my new-bought farm and paid him for his goat, and when I had him half-foxed I asked of him whence came the lad to him of whom we spoke to-day. "Ah, your worship," says he, "the Mansfeld war brought him to me and the Nördlingen battle took him away again." "And that," quoth I, "must be a merry story," and so I begged him, since we had naught else to talk of, to tell it me to pass the time.
With that he began, and says he, "When Mansfeld[[39]] lost the battle at Höchst, his people were scattered abroad as not knowing whither to flee: of whom many came into the Spessart, seeking woods wherein to hide them: but though they had escaped death on the plains they found it in the hills: for since both parties thought it their right to plunder and murder one another on our lands, we peasants would have a finger in their pie too. So 'twas but seldom that a farmer would go into his woods without a musquet, for we could not bide at home with our hoes and ploughs. And in this wild business did I light upon a fair young lady mounted on a goodly horse, in a savage and lonesome wood, yet not far from my farm: and just before, I had heard shots fired: and at first I took her for a man, for she rode like such: yet when I saw her raise hands and eyes to heaven and in a pitiful voice, though in a strange tongue, cry aloud to God, I lowered my gun, with which I would have fired upon her, and uncocked it; for her cries and actions did well assure me 'twas a woman, and one in trouble withal. So we drew near to each other, and when she saw me, 'Ah,' says she, 'if ye be a Christian and an honest man, I pray you for God and His mercy, yea, and for that Last Judgment before which we must all give account of our deeds and misdeeds, to bring me to some married woman that with God's help may deliver me of my burden!' Which words, as being of such import, together with the gentle speech and the troubled, yet fair and kind face of the poor lady, did compel me to such pity that I took her horse by the bridle and led her over bush and brier to the thickest part of the wood whither I had brought my wife, my child, my people, and my cattle for refuge: and there within half an hour was she delivered of that young boy of whom we did discourse to-day."
With that my dad finished his story and his glass: for I was no niggard of my wine for him: and when he had emptied it I asked him how it fared thereafter with the lady: to which he answered thus: "When she was delivered she begged me to be godfather, and to bring the child to baptism as soon as might be, and told me her own and her husband's name that they might be written in the book of Christenings: and then did she open her wallet wherein she had full costly trinkets, and of these gave so many to me, to my wife and child, my maid-servant and to another woman that was by, that we might well be content with her: but even while she did this, and told us of her husband, she died under our hands, having first commended the child to us. But since the tumult in the land was then so great that none could abide in his own house, we had much trouble to come by a clergyman that should baptize the child and attend the funeral. Yet both being done, 'twas commanded me by our burgomaster and our priest that I should rear the child till 'twas grown, and for my trouble and cost should keep all the lady's property save a few rosaries and precious stones and jewellery, which I should keep for the child. So my wife did nourish the babe with goat's milk, and we loved the lad, and did think when he should be grown up to give him our daughter to wife: but after the battle at Nördlingen did I lose both boy and girl and all that I possessed."
"Now," says I to my dad, "ye have told me a pretty tale enough and yet forgot the best part: for ye have not told me the name of the lady or her husband or the child." "Your honour," he answered, "I thought not ye desired to know it: but the lady's name was Susanna Ramsay: her husband was Captain Sternfels, of Fuchsheim, and because my name was Melchior did I have the child baptized Melchior Sternfels, of Fuchsheim, and so inscribed in the book."
Now from that I knew clearly that I was the true-born son of my hermit and of Governor Ramsay's sister; but alas! far too late, for my parents were both dead, and of my uncle Ramsay could I learn nothing save that the Hanauers had rid themselves of him and his Swedish garrison, whereat he had gone crazy for rage and vexation. But I treated my godfather well with wine, and next day had his wife fetcht likewise: yet when I declared myself to them, would they not believe it, till I did shew them a black and hairy mole I had upon my breast.