“Oh, by the way, yes,” remarked Drum-pipes, collecting his thoughts; “you said something awhile ago about there being a bother of some sort. What is it?” Then an idea occurred to him, and he lifted his head eagerly. “You haven’t gone and blabbed about me, have you—told her who I was, and all that?”
“Quite the contrary,” smiled David. “It was she who recognised me at once as the Earl of Drumpipes. It seems you showed her my picture on shipboard, and told her who I was, and all about me. Do you recall the incident?”
The Earl nodded, foolishly. “It’s my confounded imagination,” he groaned. “I’m always making an ass of myself like that. God only knows why I should have gone out of my way to invent that idiotic rubbish. But you get awfully bard up for conversation on shipboard, you know. And so it all came out, and she’s chuckling to think what a clumsy liar and guy I made of myself—and I’ve gone and ordered all those clothes—and——”
“Be reassured, most noble Thane,” cried David, gaily. “There has been no disclosure. Nothing came out. I accepted the situation. I did not for an instant betray you. I said, ‘Certainly: I am the Earl of Drumpipes,’ without so much as the flicker of an eyelid. There’s friendship for you, if you like.”
“And did she believe—” the Earl began to ask. Then he choked with rising mirth, gasped, rolled about in his chair, and finally burst forth in resounding laughter. “She thinks you—you”—he started out again, and once more went off in loud merriment. “It’s the funniest thing I ever heard of,” he murmured at last, restoring his composure with difficulty, and grinning at Mosscrop through eyes wet with joyful tears.
“It delights me to see how keenly the humorous aspect of the matter appeals to you,” observed David, “because there is another phase of it which may seem to be deficient in gaiety.”
“No; you as the Earl, that’s too funny!” persisted Drumpipes, with a fresh outbreak of laughter. But this somehow rang a little false at the finish. A half-doubtful look came into his eyes, and sobered his countenance. “But you’ll stand by me in this thing, old man, now that you’ve begun it, won’t you?” he asked, in in an altered tone.
“But I didn’t begin it,” David pointed out calmly. “You began it yourself, and she took it up of her own accord. I’ve simply sacrificed myself in your interest. I stood still, and heard my motives aspersed, my character vilified, my objects in life covered with contumely, all on account of your hereditary crimes, and took it all like a lamb. But to assume that I’m going to do this again, or indefinitely, is another matter. I don’t mind submitting to a single temporary humiliation for a friend’s sake, but to make a profession of it is too much. If it were even a decent fullblown peerage it might be different, but to be traduced for nothing better than a Scotch title—no, thank you!”
“You’re not the friend I took you for,” commented the Earl, in depressed tones. “For that matter,” he added, defiantly, “we were Pilliewillies in Slug-Angus before the Campbells were ever heard of, or the Gordons had learnt not to eat their cattle raw. And no Linkhaw has ever said to a Mosscrop, ‘I see you’re in a hole and I’ll leave you there.’”
David smiled. “No, you would always give a hand—for a fixed price. Well, Archie, I’m not saying I won’t see you through all this, but there must be conditions. And there must be a plan. What on earth do you intend to do?”