“Well, my idea is,” the other answered, hesitatingly, “that I should ask her to be my wife while she still supposes I am merely Mr. Linkhaw. She is like all American girls in this, that she believes entirely in love matches. So if she will marry me as Mr. Linkhaw, it will signify that she loves me. Very well then, that being the case, I can say to her afterward that I ventured upon a trifling deception, solely to have the chance to win the woman I wanted, and to make sure that I was being loved for myself alone. And then, hang it all, I don’t believe it lies in any woman’s skin to be angry at finding that she’s been made a countess unawares. If I said I was an Earl and turned out not to be one, then she’d have a grievance, but it’s the other way about.”
“Precisely,” put in David, “that particular ignominy is reserved for me. But suppose she doesn’t accept you.”
“That’s hardly worth supposing. It’s as good as understood between us, I think, that she will accept me.”
“But then suppose she jilts you, after you disclose to her that you are not plain Mr. Linkhaw.”
“If that’s well managed, I’m not afraid of it, either. You see, her father’s not an out-and-out American. He was really born in England, and went out there as a boy. That’s a very curious thing, you know. Englishmen who go there, and like the place, get to be more American than the Yankees are themselves. But they don’t change their blood, do they? And women are pretty much alike, too, whatever their blood may be. They’re all organised to stand a coronet on the corner of their pocket handkerchiefs. No, it’ll be all right, if only you stay by me.”
“Ah, now we come to realities,” said Moss-crop, genially. “It’ll be rather an expensive business, Archie. I have very high notions, my friend, as to the scale on which an Earl should comport himself. I could not dream of doing the thing on the thrifty and contracted basis which suits you. The task is a difficult one to me. I shall have to sit and look entirely devoid of mental sensations of any sort for hours at a time. I know nothing of football and cricket, and have not the name of a single jockey on my tongue; this will render conversation an embarrassing matter for me. I shall suffer continually from the knowledge that I am being regarded as a vicious fool, a rake, a gambler, and libertine of the most heartless description, and this will wear a good deal on my nerves. Compensation of some sort I must have. Now, I entertain the theory that a nobleman should never have any small change about him at all. Tips to waiters I would make a great point of. They should invariably be of gold. To slip a sovereign into a hall-porter’s hand is also a valuable action. His subsequent demeanour gives the cue to the attitude of the whole visible world toward you. A four-in-hand to Brighton is good substantial form, too, if enough pains be taken with the outfit. A private hansom in town is, of course, indispensable. I realise, Archie,” he concluded’ apologetically, “that I am not displaying a specially comprehensive grasp of the requirements of rank. I can only think of a few things now, on the spur of the moment; but I will concentrate all my energies on the task once I take it up in earnest. You may trust me to rise to the occasion. I will be a nobleman that mere baronets will turn round in the street to look after.”
Drumpipes exhibited a wan and troubled smile. “You’d have your joke, Davie, out of any man’s distress,” he said, weakly.
“Joke!” cried Mosscrop. “You make a woful error there, Archie. Never was man more serious.”
“But there’d be no opportunity for you to spend money, or display yourself,” urged the other. “Not, of course, that I would begrudge a pound or two, more or less, if there were a real need of it. But in this case, the whole point is that you should lie low, and not be seen any more. There is no necessity that she should meet you again. In fact, the more I think of it, the clearer it is that she shouldn’t. It might spoil everything, don’t you see?”
“Oh no, my lad!” rejoined David, cheerfully. “I’m not of the hermit variety of aristocrat. I’m the kind of Earl who’s on the spot, and who lets people know that he is present. I will have rings on my fingers and bells on my toes. I will—why, let me see!”