Or "George, how you exaggerate!
It isn't half-past seven, nearly!
I make it seven-twenty-eight;
Your watch is out of order, clearly.
Mine cannot possibly be slow;
I set it half an hour ago."
He knows a foreign health-resort
Where tourists are quite inoffensive;
He knows a brand of ancient port,
Comparatively inexpensive;
And he will tell you where to get
The choicest Turkish cigarette.
He knows hotels at which to dine
And take the most fastidious guest to;
He knows a mine in Argentine
In which you safely can invest, too;
He knows the shop where you can buy
The most recherché hat or tie.
If you require a motor-car,
He has a cousin who can tell you
Of something second-hand but far
Less costly than the trade would sell you;
And if you want a chauffeur, too,
He knows the very man for you.
There's nothing that he doesn't know,
Except—a rather grave omission—
How weary his relations grow
Of such unceasing erudition,—
How fervently his fellows long
That just for once he should be wrong.
O Man Who Knows, we humbly ask
That thou shouldst cease such grateful labours—
Suspend thy self-inflicted task
Of lecturing thine erring neighbours;
For in thy knowledge we detect
No faintest sign of Intellect.