For we weary of his patter,
Growing every moment flatter,
On such subjects as connubial infelicity,
And we find ourselves protesting
Against everlasting jesting
On the tragedies of conjugal duplicity.
And we feel desirous very
Of imposing some restrictions
On the humour that makes merry
Over personal afflictions.
Our disgust we cannot bridle
When we see some public idol,
Who is earning a colossal weekly salary,
Having long ignobly pandered
To the questionable standard
Of intelligence that blooms in pit and gallery.
We are easily contented,
And our feelings we could stifle,
If the comic man consented
Just to raise his tone a trifle.
If he shunned such risky questions
As red noses, weak digestions,
Drunkards, lodgers, twins and physical deformities;
Ceased from casting imputations
On his wretched "wife's relations,"
Or from mentioning his "ma-in-law's" enormities;
If he didn't sing so badly,
And if only he were funny,
We would tolerate him gladly,
And get value for our money!
XIII
THE CONVERSATIONAL REFORMER
When Theo: Roos: unfurled his bann:
As Pres: of an immense Repub:
And sought to manufact: a plan
For saving people troub:.
His mode of spelling (termed phonet:)
Affec: my brain like an emet:.
And I evolved a scheme (pro tem)
To simplify my mother-tongue,
That so in fame I might resem:
Upt: Sinc:, who wrote "The Jung:,"
And rouse an interest enorm:
In conversational reform.
I grudge the time my fellows waste
Completing words that are so comm:
Wherever peop: of cult: and taste
Habitually predom:.
'T would surely tend to simpli: life
Could they but be curtailed a trif:.