| THE longest way 'round the saloon and the
stage door is the shortest way home for
some men.
THERE never was a man living who
wouldn't marry Venus, and then expect
her to stay home and do the cooking.
ONCE a fool, twice married.
WHEN a girl marries she usually has to
choose whether she prefers to sit at the
foot of a throne or to stand on a door-mat.
OF course, you can't expect two people to
keep step all their lives to the wedding
march; but it's a pity the joy-bells get out
of tune so soon.
NINE tailors may make a man, but they
can't make a gentleman.
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BEFORE marriage a man inquires, "What is that fascinating perfume?" afterward, "What is that sickening stuff?" IT isn't the troubles and sorrows they share, but the bridge parties and midnight suppers they don't share, which separate most married couples. THERE is no pity on earth so heartfelt as that with which the bachelor and the newly-married man regard one another. LOVE is a delirious spin in an automobile, marriage the accident of which you are always in danger. A WOMAN can get so used to that sort of thing that she would feel almost neglected if some day her husband should fail to offer up the usual morning and evening growl. |
A WOMAN will go on a starvation diet and have herself skinned alive in order to retain her husband's admiration; but a man considers himself a martyr if he resists a boiled onion. THE sentiment a society woman wastes in baby-talk to her dog and the money a society man wastes on gasoline for his automobile would keep half a dozen babies in love and milk. A CYNIC can always find flaws in a woman and weeds in a rose garden. THE lower a man's forehead, the higher his collar. NO matter how much a man dislikes children before marriage, after marriage he always imagines that he is going to improve on the human race. |
| A GIRL'S idea of a proposal of marriage is
so different from any she ever gets, that,
even after she is married she often wonders
how it happened.
VENUS may have been the most popular
lady of her time; but it takes a clever
huntress, like Diana, to get any attention
nowadays.
NOTHING makes a woman feel so old as
watching the bald spot daily increase on
the top of her husband's head.
LOVE is not really blind, it is only nearsighted;
and marriage is the optician that
furnishes it with a strong pair of lenses,
warranted to dispel all illusions and make
defects perfectly clear.
WHOM the gods wish to destroy they first
infatuate with a chorus girl.
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| A WISE jilt wears his scalp beneath his
waistcoat, and a wise girl keeps her mittens
carefully hidden; only a savage or a
fool flaunts the trophies of the love-chase.
COCK ROBIN isn't the only chap who ever
promised to feed a girl on jelly-cake and
wine when he knew perfectly well that the
moment they were married she would
have to go out and grub for worms.
PATCHING up a shattered love-affair is as
foolish as trying to mend cobwebs.
MATRIMONY is a see-saw; and the secret
of happiness lies in keeping yourself so
carefully balanced that you neither fly into
the air nor come down with a sickening
thud.
THE softer a man's head, the louder his
socks.
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